A mother's wisdom

Monday, March 22, 2010

I'm three weeks into the Stripalicious Challenge and at this rate, I would be embarassed to dance for a blind man. I knew it would be more difficult to lose weight at this age but I suppose I haven't really been giving it 100%, either. Damn you, Cadbury eggs and your luscious creamy center!

I've been exercising a lot and mainly focusing on my lower body because I hate the way my ass looks most of all. This week, I'm going to start incorporating more upper body workouts as well.

I hate the whole concept of weighing myself once a week but it's a rule of the YMCA's "free" program so I do it. Last week, I lost 2.1 pounds and I was sure that this week I was even thinner because my clothes were starting to feel looser.

I went to visit my mother in the hospital on Thursday but she set me straight when I walked into her room.

"Hi, Mom. How are you feeling today"?

Mom strained to lift her head up as she adjusted the oxygen that was in her nostrils. "You look fat. That skirt is way too tight."

"Oh, okay. Thanks."

"I'm serious. How could you go out of the house like that? It's pulling. George look at her, it's pulling."

My father rolled his eyes and I tugged at my skirt to smooth out the creases.

Mom came home on Saturday and I went to my parents house for lunch. I was sitting sideways on a dining room chair when she wheeled herself over to me and started poking at my thigh.

"Your thighs are really big. See, right here?" She stuck a finger into the side of my leg. "That's what I'm talking about."

"Okay, thank you."

"Hey, I'm just trying to help you. I know how particular you are about the way you look. Now, what's going on with your hair?"

You would think that after all these years of "constructive" criticism, that I would be immune to it but it still stings every time.

It turns out, I didn't do so great this week. Just 1.1 pounds.

I called Celebrity Fit Club to see if I could join and reap some of the benefits of a trainer, nutritionist and psychologist but they seemed to think that Tenisha Thomas was a bigger celebrity than me. I know, I never heard of her, either.

I think I'll contact Kirstie Alley to see if she wants me to join her new reality show where she'll try to finally shed the pounds.

We could call it Kirstie and Chrissy's Big Life. Or Chrissy and Kirstie's Big Life. I'm flexible.


  1. that Kirstie seems more famous for her weight yo-yo ing than for her acting

  2. Chrissy, I will say that nothing takes off ass fat better than running. Try it, you'll see, when you can't run any longer, walk briskly until you can run some more. It's the best!
    Kirstie is no role model.


  3. You just gotta love moms! They know exactly what Not to say don't they? You hang in there, the pounds will come off~

  4. Mother sabotage...yes, I know it well. It may only be a little weight, but it's something. You can do this!!! (((HUGS)))

  5. When I go visit my mom and dad she will tell me I put on weight as she trys to get me to take another helping of sausage gravy with bisquits a couple more strips of bacon and a blueberry muffin. Thanks mom. MMMMMMMM

  6. Chrissy
    When you see the scale move past the 10-15 lb. mark, the excitement will leap off the pages

  7. Can I get in on that? LOL

    Getting caught up on my blog reading....Happy Monday!

  8. what is it with the way our moms cut right to the chase? Drives me crazy. But I love her anyway. You're doing great! :)

  9. Have you tried vomiting after every meal? Just don't lose your boobs.

  10. Isn't it something that no matter how old you get, one word or look from a parent can get to you?

    Me too.

    OMG...you and I are so much alike, girl. Those damn Cadbury eggs do me in EVERY Easter. Also, those damn Jelly Belly jelly beans. Especially the black ones!


    P.S. Big or small, I love Kirstey Allie!

  11. Your mum is great value. Maybe she could guest for your stripper chick wisdom posts...
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

  12. Hey, hang in there. My mother never wastes time letting me know how much fatter I am than last time I visited. I explained it is my diet of doner kebabs and half-pounder burgers.

  13. I think your name should definitely go first. Your dialogue w/your mother reminded me of that remark by Miranda from "Sex & the city" where her mom's in the hospital after a heart attack and when asked how she was, Miranda says "she opened her eyes just long enough to veto my lipstick".

    What is that about? Do moms really think they're helping with these remarks??

  14. Chrissy, I have a mom like that too. After losing about 50 lbs. she nit-picked over a little extra weight that had yet to come away from my stomach.

    Our parents say things all under the guise of "doing it for our own good," but they don't realize how hurtful these comments can be, often having the opposite effect of inspiring us to do better, to do more.

  15. Oh, and a .5 to 2 lb. weight loss per week is ideal, so I say you're right on track! Keep it up and don't let anyone get you down!

  16. @Gillian,
    You know, you're right. I can't remember the last time she actually ACTED.

    Thanks for the advice. I tried it tonight!

    I think they all go to school for it or something. Thanks~

    Thanks, Sweetie!

    @Simply Suthern,
    Yes! I'm sure the next time I go, she'll yell at me if I don't eat.

    @R. Jacob,
    I know. I'm waiting...

    Sure. Bring cake.


    @C. Andres Alderete,
    Hey, thanks, I never thought of that. I know, they'll be the first to go. :-(

    Yes, it's crazy, isn't it? One minute I'm 43, the next I'm 14.

    I haven't even started on the black jelly beans because I know I won't be able to stop!!

    Believe me, she is my inspiration in so many things.

    That should shut her up.

    You know, I think they really do!

    You have to wonder what happened to them growing up.

    Thanks so much for your support!

  17. Chrissy you crack me up. We are so connected at birth. Oh wait .... Only by a few hundred years but very close.


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