I meant to do that

Monday, March 15, 2010

It's been years since I've worked out in a gym. I realized that what I've been wearing at home is hardly public attire, so I went out and bought myself a few pairs of yoga pants, shorts and T shirts.

I happened to pass by a sporting goods store this week and I decided to stop in to see what they were offering. Most of the shirts I buy are 100% cotton but I saw a rack with polyester shirts labeled Dri-FIT. They promised to "wick sweat away and keep you dry and comfortable". Polyester is going to keep me dry? They were a really thin fabric, too, so I was a little hesitant but you know how un-dry I get when I work out so I slipped into the fitting room to try one on.

Helloooo nipples.

I hate "nippage" but I figured no one would notice them under my sports bra. Women can relate to how incredibly tight a sports bra is. Once you manage to get it over your head, you have to artfully draw it down over your boobs until you're smashed like Barbra Streisand in Yentl.

Yesterday, I slept in later than I had wanted to, so I hurriedly dressed in my new top and shorts and headed to the gym. I was lucky enough to snag a treadmill before the 11:00 rush.

Thirty minutes later, I was doing a final heart rate check as I stepped off the treadmill and noticed there was a cute guy waiting at the end of the belt, asking if I was finished.

"I sure am. Let me just wipe it off for you."

"I'm sure it's not too bad. How's your heart rate?", he asked, as he looked down at my chest and smiled.

I felt my already red cheeks flush a little darker as I replied, "Not bad. Better than it was a few weeks ago."

"Well, you look great." Again, he glanced down at the girls.

Oh God. The girls must be standing at attention.

I smiled and headed out the door to the restroom so I could see for myself. The first thing I noticed was that I could hardly even tell that I had sweat that much. Usually, there's a huge stain around the neck but the fabric really DID wick it away to keep me cooler. Kudos.

However, as my eyes traveled downward, I noticed that the girls were indeed saluting. That wasn't the worst of it, though. Let me explain. When you put on a sports bra, you need to...um...adjust.

In my haste to get out the door, I hadn't done that, so one nipple was at least 2 inches higher than the other. I'm going to wear this next week so he thinks I meant to do that.

And we'll laugh and laugh.....


  1. OMG How embarrassing! Always with a hot guy, too....

    Here's to you laughing at yourself. Love your shirt too.

  2. I hope you gave him a "stiff neck" from all of that-ha ha.


  3. ah yes, the high beams were on?

  4. Okay, that's it - I'm official introducing more cardio into my gym visits.

  5. They need to make a sports bra with 6 or 8 fake nipples on it so you dont have to worry about adjusting yours.

  6. At least they weren't cross-eyed too.

  7. Super funny!
    These come in very handy! http://www.amazon.com/Fashion-Forms-Ultimate-Peel-n-Stick-Triangle/dp/B0011JP09A/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qlEnable=1&qid=1268668937&sr=1-10

  8. My nips are big so I ALWAYS have nipple issues.

  9. OMG...I bet he thought the girls were WINKING at him!


    Every once in a while the same thing happens with my boys!



  10. Hey Chrissy! Yep, only happens with the people we'd like to have a proper conversation with. I can't repeat the tale here, but I know how you feel. And "nippage"! Wonderful word! Indigo

  11. HA! The true trick would be to mix it up a bit...do the reverse for next time and let us know if he says anything.

    I can just hear it now: "Huh. Wasn't the other nippie higher last week?"


  12. Look at the bright side. Not everyone is blessed enuff to have one two inches higher than the other.

  13. Cleavage YES. Nipples no. Why are men so into nipples anyway? They've got their OWN!!!

  14. Didn't see it coming-- I thought you were going to say you wore a regular bra instead of the sports bra. Why do we have such problems? And why do guys feel so entitled to ogle and judge? Nevermind, you don't need to answer that... There is no answer. (Is there?)

  15. @Christine Macdonald,
    I thought I was gonna die.

    Ha ha!!

    @R. Jacob,
    Yep. And I couldn't find the switch.

    Ha! Glad to have inspired you. Nice to see you again.

    @Simply Suthern,
    Can I just tell you that when I was looking for a picture to use, there was actually one of a bra with the nipples built in. Wha????

    @C. Andres Alderete,
    Good point.

    Thanks! I actually thought about those but that could get pricey.

    Deep sigh....

    @Ann Martin Photography BLOG,
    Glad you were amused!

    I bet he did! I guess it happens to all of us.

    Of course. He couldn't have been 70 with glaucoma.

    That would be funny. I wonder if he would notice.

    @Simply Suthern,
    Maybe I could get a reality show.

    @middle child,
    I just don't get it. And whenever I try to TOUCH a man's, they freak out.

    @Leah Rubin,
    Yes, you answered your own question, my dear.


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