Monday Morning Millie

Monday, December 9, 2013


"Oh, it's a secret? Right-o! Safe with me, babe!"

Secondhand Sunday

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


"Did I hear a bell?"

Original Post Date, August 7, 2009


I went vegan for a few months and even though I found it much easier to follow than I had anticipated, I was bored. There weren't many sources of protein other than beans and I inadvertently almost committed suicide by inhaling the noxious fumes that came out of my ass on a daily basis.

So I started eating fish and chicken a few weeks ago. Oh, and ice cream. Lots of ice cream. Needless to say, I've gained a little weight back but I've hesitated to introduce meat back into my diet. Until today, that is.

I've had a very productive 3 days off and since I'm tired of eating a pint of ice cream every night for dinner, I decided to treat myself to a steak.

A few years ago, I met this really great guy that I dated for about 4 months. We'll call him Sparky, since he was an electrician. Sparky and I didn't have a lot in common. He was into NASCAR, sports, working out and tanning, none of which I had any interest in. But we had fun together and there was a very strong physical attraction.

Eventually, we admitted that what we had would never turn into anything more so we decided to become "friends with benefits".

The code phrase was "Are you in the mood for Outback tonight?"

We would go have a nice, thick steak and then come home for a little boom-boom. I was like Pavlov's dog everytime I saw an Outback commercial or heard someone say G'day.

I haven't seen Sparky in about 6 months and I actually got a little nostalgic at the butcher counter today at the thought of eating steak without him.

Can I just tell you, eating that steak was like a religious experience for me? I had forgotten how much I missed it and how good it could be. I even got a little "tingly tingly" down there.

That got me thinking that maybe I was worshipping the wrong meat all that time. Maybe I was actually turned on by the beef and not Sparky?



I wonder if it's legal to marry a cow?

If so, I'll have to add this to the registry.

Monday Morning Dino

Monday, November 25, 2013

 
Christmas is coming? Wake me when it gets here.

Secondhand Sunday

Sunday, November 24, 2013


Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


"Itsy bitsy spider, my ass"

Original Post Date, September 10, 2009

I'm really glad that we're coming into my favorite season of the year. I love the colorful foliage, the crisp autumn air and the lull of crickets outside my window as I'm falling asleep.

What I don't love are the spiders. I am unreasonably afraid of spiders. I don't care if they keep the insects under control. And as far as singing this little ditty about it being bad luck to kill a spider in your house:


If you wish to live and thrive

Let the spider run alive



Rubbish! I need to kill them before they kill me. Hey, I saw Arachnophobia. I'm no fool.

I've been known to spend the night on the couch because a spider scurried under my bed and I couldn't find where it went. And I've almost killed myself from inhaling an entire can of bug spray fumes because there's a daddy long-legs in the shower. Who's your daddy now, sucker!




There are two spiders that live in the frame of my front door. Every day, they weave their webs, inviting innocent insects to stumble into their lair. And every day, I brush them away with a very long handled broom. I'm sure my mailman thinks that I don't care about my property because the front of my house looks like it belongs to the Addams Family every evening when I get home from work.




I'm reasonable enough to allow them to live if they are OUTSIDE of my home. I think that's a fair compromise.

However, I did catch a fleeting glimpse of a pretty large, scary looking one in the woods behind my house. So help me God, if I see it again...I'm getting my shovel.




C Cleveland - Portal Sculpture

Saturday, November 23, 2013

The city of Cleveland has over 200 outdoor sculptures and monuments in the Greater Cleveland area, within Cuyahoga County alone. Today we'll focus on Isamu Noguchi's "Portal", which sits outside of the Justice Center in downtown Cleveland. The Justice Center has been my home for the past week and each day, I was able to gaze upon the sculpture when I realized that I don't really know the history of it.
 
Isamu Noguchi, a Japanese-American, is known as one of the twentieth century's most important and critically acclaimed sculptors.
 
 
He created gardens, ceramics, set designs, sculptures and even furniture. The Noguchi coffee table below was manufactured by Herman Miller in 1948 and is still in production today.
Noguchi had a strong belief in the social significance sculpture. The first sculpture that brought him recognition was a relief mural in stainless steel at the Associated Press building in Rockefeller Center, New York City. It symbolized the freedom of the press. (1940)
 

 
He was commissioned for Cleveland's Portal in 1976. It stands 36' high at its tallest and is painted steel.
 
 
 
Much like the Free stamp I've highlighted before, many don't "get" minimalist modern sculpture and at the time of the installation, many art critics weren't big fans, either. It was donated by the Gund Foundation and I think it gave people some solace knowing that their tax dollars didn't pay for this.
 
The modern Justice Center replaced the old courthouse in the background below and brought the Cleveland Police Headquarters Building, the Cuyahoga County and Cleveland Municipal Courts Tower and the Correction Center all to one location.
 
As I've mentioned before, I love public works because everyone can decide for themselves what they see. My interpretation is the intertwining of the departments and the strength of those departments as evidenced in the steel.
 

 


 
Noguchi actually named a number of his abstract sculptures Portal and they appear to change shape depending on the viewing angle. 


 
What do you see?

Monday Morning Beagles

Monday, November 11, 2013


"Okay, let's get our stories straight. We never saw the peanut butter and we have no idea what she's talking about. Got that?"

Enter credit card here

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

I've always loved to shop but in recent years, I've become an uber online shopper. I like to be able to peruse store inventories from the comfort of my home instead of wandering around trying to figure out where the item is that I want.
 
Don't get me wrong, I still love to spend afternoons shopping for nothing with girlfriends and wandering around local resale shops to find that perfect item that I didn't know I couldn't live without.
 
But I do LOVE internet shopping. Some frown at the additional shipping costs but there are so many places online to find discount codes that I don't worry about it. We share online retailer discount codes the way our mothers used to share recipes.
 
Along with online shopping comes online marketing. Most of it ends up in my junk mail but I go through that box every few days because you never know when something (or someone) useful might be in that folder.
 
I was going through my junk mail tonight when I clicked on an email from the store Anthropologie. I love this store even though I'm probably older than their target demographic. It's one of those stores that draws you in with its beautifully merchandised interior and unique items. I usually avoid the clothing half of the store and head for the home side.
 
Tonight, the email announced a wedding collection.  I know, I know. I usually would have just deleted it but the most STUNNING dress was featured in the email. It's called the Harlow gown and it harkens back the glamour  of art deco in the '40's. I probably wore something like this in my former life because, as you know, I'm totally reincarnated from this glorious era.
 
And yes, I would lose the sash. Who belts a wedding dress??


Now, the chances are slim to none that I will ever wear a wedding dress other than if I choose to be the bride of Frankenstein for Halloween.  That being said, the $1600 that I would spend on this lovely dress would be better spent on other useful items in the store.

Like this $2500 resin and steel chair. I would so be tempted to lick it.

 
Or this $498 Argentinean candy machine. I'm sure I wouldn't put any silly gumballs in it. Picture this: black jelly beans!
 

Or this adorable $198 fox pillow. As if The Fox song isn't in my head enough already.


Now it can be in yours.

 As, yes, I'm embarrassed to say that I like this ridiculous song. It's just so darn catchy!

Hint...if you don't like it, dance to it and you can't help but love it. And I just found out that the brothers who created this video have a talk show in Norway and they did this as a goof. Well, here they are 194 million YouTube views later. Suck that, Kanye.

 
If I want to spend the entire $1600 that I would have spent on the gown, I can just buy 114 of these initial wall hooks.


You know. One for every guy I've ever dated.
 

Monday Morning Vinny

Monday, November 4, 2013

 
Your cat jumps on your dining room table? That's so gross.
 
 My Vinny never does that.

Secondhand Sunday

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


"For this, I showered?"

Original Post Date, January 25, 2010


I tried to convince my doctor that I had become F-A-T from the medication that she had prescribed for me in the spring. She concurred that it may have attributed to my weight gain and so, she agreed that we could try switching meds.

I waited patiently for my medication to come from my new mail order prescription company. It arrived a little over a week ago, just as I ran out of my other pills. I read through the handout that came with the prescription and it listed many of the same possible side effects that the other drug had.


*fatigue

*muscle weakness

*chest pain

*headache

*itching/rash

*nausea

*feeling light-headed

*death


You know, the usual CYA list that drug companies utilize.

I was happy to see that Anorgasmia wasn't on the list however, lack of sexual desire was. So it looks like I won't have any trouble actually having an orgasm, I just won't want to.

The first few days, I felt fine. The third day, I was feeling a little light-headed and nauseous. My sister told me to call the doctor but I was sure that I could work through the side effects like I had the last time. At least I didn't have that catatonic Stepford Wife thing going on again.

By Friday, I could barely move my head without feeling like I was going to fall down and I would intermittently get that head rush feeling while sitting at my desk. But I was gonna work through it because hello.....I might actually lose weight on this drug.


Saturday, I was too afraid to shower because I thought I might fall down in the tub. You people who live alone know what I'm talking about. That fear of falling and hitting our heads or choking on food and not being able to perform the Heimlich on ourselves. No one will find us until the rotting stench of our corpse alerts the mailman that something is wrong.

Sunday, I felt even worse and I decided to take a shower in case I had to call 911. Well, I didn't want be stinky when the hunky paramedics got here...

I dropped the soap but didn't want to bend over and pick it up so I just kept kicking it until it finally looped high enough off the side for me to catch it. I safely exited, put on my robe and decided to lay down on the couch.

What happens next could be titled, A Day in My Life..

My cell phone beeped that I had a text message but I was too lazy to get up and answer it. Then my home phone rang and since it was on the coffee table, I reached over to answer it.

"Hi Christine, it's Jim!" (only close friends like you guys call me Chrissy)

For those of you who don't know, Jim is my next door neighbor.

"Hi Jim. How are you?" the pounding in my head got worse.

"Good! I just wanted you to know that I'm officially divorced!"

Oh dear God, I thought to myself, but I managed a "congratulations" and we chatted for a few minutes. Inevitably, Jim wanted to come over and chat some more.

"Sorry, Jim, this isn't a good time."

And inevitably, he mentioned that "if I ever wanted to get together for dinner or something, that would be great."

Now I felt dizzy and I hadn't even stood up. I fumbled through an excuse to get off the phone and was lying there holding my head when the reminder beep on my cell went off again.

It was loud and annoying so I got up to see who it was. It was from my old boyfriend Sparky's brother's girlfriend, Carrie. We had never met while Sparky and I were dating.

She explained to me that she had moved here a few years back and still didn't really have many friends and Sparky had said what a great person I was and how much fun I was and would I like to get together sometime?

Wha?

I called a girlfriend and read her the text.

"Isn't this odd?"

"Yes, but aren't you curious?"

"If I'm so fun and great, why isn't he dating me? Why is he setting up a play date with his pseudo sister-in-law?"

"Because you have that special gift for dating only emotionally unavailable men. It doesn't mean that he doesn't think you're great, he just can't handle you, so he wants to vicariously experience you through her."

I haven't responded back to Carrie yet.

I decided to go to the drugstore armed with my list of alternate meds that my insurance company had sent me because the Stepford Wife drug has become "non-formulary" which means three times the co-pay. I needed to see what my options were to switch drugs again.

I was sitting patiently in a chair, waiting for my pharmacy consultation when I glanced over at the woman sitting next to me in the cramped waiting area. She seemed to be taking great pleasure in the newspaper article she was reading when all of sudden she let out a chuckle and looked over at me.

Oh God, here we go...


"My goodness, would you look at this?", she leaned over and turned the page toward me. "Doesn't she look like the happiest, nicest person?"

My eyes went to where her finger was pointing and I let out a maniacal laugh at this culmination of my goofy day. She grinned even larger.

"Wow. She sure does.", I said,"I would love to hang out with her!" Maybe Carrie could come along.







She was pointing to the photo of a dead woman in the obituaries.

But I'M the one who's on medication...

C Cleveland - Metroparks in the fall

Saturday, November 2, 2013

I've been waiting for the leaves to turn their glorious fall colors and when they finally did, we got terrible storms that knocked a number of them down. Fortunately, there are still a bunch left and we had the perfect day yesterday to go out and view them.

I went to my usual stop of the Cleveland Metroparks, Euclid Creek Reservation, but I decided to head to the park just west of downtown Cleveland as well. I put them in a slideshow for you below but first you have to see Sophie's Halloween costume. She's Little Edie from Grey Gardens.

For those you who aren't familiar with Grey Gardens, it was a documentary of Jackie Kennedy's aunt and cousin who were once socialites in the Hamptons but lived in squalor and isolation after "Big Edie's" husband left them. Little Edie wore scarves because she didn't have any hair, perhaps from a nervous condition or something. No one dared ever ask Edie why.

Later their story was made into a Broadway musical and more recently, a movie with Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore. If you have a chance, you should watch it. It's really a captivating story.




Okay, so I couldn't get the slideshow to work, then I deleted Google+ cuz I hate it and then, after the fact, panicked that I had deleted my blog so long, story, short. You're gonna hafta scroll! :-)





A lone jogger in the woods



A great day to walk with a friend

The perfect bridge




This goes all the way down to the creek. I always wonder how that blue cloth got there.


 the picnic pavilion
 





I could sit on that bench all day

Solar panel

 
Downtown Cleveland from Edgewater Park on the westside of Cleveland
 
 
Surfers in November

German Composer Richard Wagner. Yeah, I don't really get it, either.








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