I'm sorry that I've been so absent. Maddie's condition has been weighing heavy on my mind and I've been trying every conventional and alternative treatment I can to make her better.
I had to finally accept the fact that while she seemed to be making progress a few weeks ago, she started slipping again. Her cough had gotten much worse and I would wake up in the middle of the night to her coughing and fidgeting because she couldn't get comfortable. I would reach down and pet her and she would let out a little cry and put her head on my leg.
In the last week, she was unable to walk at all. I would stand her up and she would fall right down again. To see her sitting in her bed, she seemed happy and would bark hello when I got home or to beg for a cookie. But she couldn't walk. I carried her everywhere and she seemed in pain when I picked her up which she hadn't before. She cried when she tried to stand up because her body just wasn't cooperating. I walked her around the neighborhood in her stroller but I think going over bumps bothered her because she would cry when we got to the end of the street and so we had to come home.
I made the gut wrenching decision to let her go and I called the vet Thursday morning to make the appointment. I thought I had it together until the reception at the vet's office said "hello" and I just lost it. They were able to take us late that afternoon and since it was a sunny and warm day, we spent the afternoon outside on a blanket and were joined by the neighbor's small children. It was a beautiful last day together.
My friend Bobby was kind enough to take us to the appointment and he came in the room with me while we said our final goodbyes. Maddie loved her Uncle Bobby. For some reason, there's been a lot of turnover of the front desk staff at the vet's office and the new people seem pretty clueless.
This girl with multi-colored hair walked in, muttering an "I'm sorry" and then asked me how I wanted to take care of the bill. Maddie just growled at her which was hilarious because Maddie never growled at anyone! Bobby and I looked at each other and laughed through our tears. It was like Maddie was saying. "Hey! We're having a moment here."
I told them that I assumed that I would be billed like the last time and she walked out muttering "I'm sorry" again. The vet came in and apologized profusely for her asking me that and then said something about "lots of new people."
The vet and the vet tech were beyond compassionate during the whole process and my Maddie passed peacefully in my arms. She really was the inspiration for writing my book because she showed me how dogs live in the moment and all they want is someone to love them.
I was blessed to be able to be that someone, even if only for a short time.