Dad

Monday, June 7, 2010


It’s been a while since I posted an update about my Dad. As you may recall, he was diagnosed with Stage 4, non-small cell carcinoma in September.

In simple terms, that’s inoperable lung cancer.

At that time, he was given a prognosis of 12 months, if he was lucky. He vowed to fight this and not become a statistic and honestly, 6 weeks ago, you wouldn’t have even known there was anything wrong with him.

But lung cancer is an insidious beast that doesn’t rest until it has defeated its victims. He was doing really well on the traditional chemotherapy so the doctor decided to switch him to a chemo pill. That didn’t bode well with his system and he lost a great deal of weight so the doctor had to stop the treatment. I’m shocked at how much he’s declined in the last few weeks.

I took him to the bank on Saturday and while I did his banking at the window, he talked to the bank manager. I’ve taken to spontaneous bursts of tears lately and I started crying at the teller window. The teller, Ernestine, excused herself and went into another room. When she returned, she was wiping tears from her eyes and she whispered, “He’s one of my favorites.”

Me, too, Ernestine. Me, too.

His health has gradually declined and he’s been bouncing in and out of the hospital. I learned yesterday that “getting closer” is the hospice term for when someone is nearing the end of their life. I wish I didn’t know that.

For now, we'll just be grateful for every day we have with him and hope that he can stay comfortable as he "gets closer."

27 comments

  1. Hugs to you...been there, done that. OX

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  2. We all face this at one time or another. It is very difficult time with the ones we love. All my best.

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  3. Very difficult times. All the best as you go through this.

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  4. Oh, dear friend...I am so incredibly sad to hear this news. It's strange because I have been thinking about you and your father lately, and have wondered how things are going.

    Listen, I know what you're feeling and going through right now, because this same thing happened with my father. Words cannot even form for what I feel right now. However, just know that I am sharing MUCH love with you.

    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    ((((( Chrissy )))))

    X

    P.S. Hospice is wonderful. They'll take you and your family by the hand and gently walk you through it.

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  5. I know it hard to watch him be ill. Please hold onto the times you are having with him and those you have already shared. Makes me miss my daddy so much right now.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

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  6. I will be thinking of both of you.

    xoxoxoxox

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  7. Yes. Be grateful for the time you do have with him. It is precious. My dad died in 2004 though it seems like yesterday. It was a hard but ultimately rewarding experience. He had prostrate cancer. I was fortunate enough to be able to cut my work days from 5 to 2 so I could help care for him along with his girlfriend. My prayers are with you.

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  8. I visit you blog often and love it first time commenting though. My father had colon cancer and I just have to say I'm sorry your going through this. It's horrible to watch someone you love like that. My best wishes to you and your family. For sure enjoy all the time you can.

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  9. You have his smile.

    All my thoughts and prayers for you and yours.

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  10. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost my mom to the exact same thing (almost 3 years ago) and know what you are going through. *hugs*

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  11. @Saranne,
    Thank you.

    @R. Jacob,
    And I thought I would ready but I guess you never are. Thanks.

    @Teresa,
    Thank you. Bernie's giving me lots of kisses.

    @Ron,
    Thank you so much. I feel the love. :-)

    I really took great comfort after meeting with the social worker. And the whole family is on board with it so that's good, too.

    @Laoch of Chicago,
    Thank you.

    @Redbonegirl97,
    I'm sorry for your loss, Tiffany. I try to see him every day. It's good that they live so close by.

    @Jessi J. Walton.
    Thanks, Jessi. :-)

    @middle child,
    I'm sorry for your loss. That's wonderful that you were able to spend all that time with him. I'm doing the same.

    @Jessica,
    I'm sorry about your father. Thanks so much for your wishes. I'm glad you like my blog. :-)

    @Simply Suthern,
    He's always smiling. Thank you so much.

    @Travel Girl,
    I'm sorry about your mom. Crazy thing is that he never even smoked. Thanks for your prayers. We need all we can get.

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  12. Hugs to you, Chrissy. My mom just died last Thursday in hospice. She was so tired and ready to go, it was a blessing. But we'll miss her dearly.

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  13. I want to say to hang in there... but that suddenly sounds lame and mundane. Honestly I'm kinda jealous because you get to really cherish all this time with him this way. When my dad passed it was so sudden and unexpected. He looks like such a kind hearted man, enjoy every single second with him. He's lucky to have a daughter like you, keep him laughing (or should I say smiling, laughing can be tricky) with your awesomely wicked stories!

    Lung cancer is a bitch, our best friend has gone beyond his 6-month sentence given to him at Christmas time and he too looks great.

    Take care...

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  14. I know that nothing anyone can say can really help much, but please know that you clearly have a lot of blog fans who will remember you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

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  15. All I can say is how sorry I am. I recently lost someone to a brain tumour and it's always hard, no matter how long you have them around. Just remember you do a great job and a great service by even the simplest of actions. Many positive vibes are coming your way from moi.

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  16. Oh, sweetie.

    I don't care that we've known...don't care that this should not be a surprise...I'm still so very, very sorry...and this totally, completely, intolerably SUCKS.

    I know you've told him how much you love him. The one thing I'd love to have done w/my mom was to videotape a conversation with her...where I could just ask her questions about her life, her childhood...anything. The last video we had was Thanksgiving and I wish the whole video was trained on her, instead of being all over the place.

    I don't know what else to say....except, I'm here...you and Dad are in my thoughts & prayers.

    xoxo

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  17. i am sorry for your dad's struggle.
    you all in my thoughts.

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  18. My thoughts are with you. All I can say to you is 'Have as much time with him as possible'. That's what I couldn't do for my dad, as I lived far away from him.

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  19. *hugs* Thoughts, prayers and best wishes going out to you and your loved ones. I'm sorry this is a difficult time!

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  20. Thoughts and prayers and all my love to you and your family.

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  21. @Cogitator,
    That felt good,thanks. :-)

    @CatLadyLarew,
    I'm so sorry about your mom. I know what you mean. We want Dad to live forever but not if he has no quality of life left.

    @@Miss Nikki,
    Don't be silly. No kindness is ever lame and mundane. Thank you. I'm sorry you didn't get to spend time with your dad.

    @Richard,
    Thank you. You guys are all a great comfort.

    @Scribe,
    Thanks. As long as I can keep from crying for 5 minutes, we're good. :-)

    @Kathryn,
    Yes. Sucks isn't a big enough word.

    @Stacie's Madness,
    Thank you so much.

    @Cinnamon,
    I'm sorry you were so far away from your Dad. I moved closer about 4 years ago and I'm so glad I did.

    @Krista,
    Thanks. We feel those hugs!

    @Funny Girl,
    That means so much. Thank you.

    @Christopher Zimmerman,
    Ain't that the truth?

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  22. Hugs to you and your family. Cancer sucks.

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  23. I lost my mum to cancer at the beginning of this year - it wasn't exactly the funnest time; but it was expected. I was sort of emotionally buffered by making sure that my sister and dad were supported, and that my 8yo was involved and understood what was going on.

    I don't know if it IS because I'm callous or what, but it hasn't hit me yet - maybe because it really IS a part of life. Life begins and sure as shit, it'll end.

    I was actually annoyed, a couple of weeks back, as I wanted to ask mum something - and couldn't.

    I know you have friends (real friends, not FaceBook type friends!) and family - if you ever need or want to talk to someone who has an idea about what it's like, and is dispassionate enough to be able to be helpful without being hurt by it itself - give me a shout. [grins] And I'm sure you'd find many who'll say the same and you'd be very welcome.

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  24. @Nichol,
    Thanks so much.

    @Grey,
    I'm so sorry about your mum. Even when you expect it, you never really deal with it quite the way you would anticipate.

    We all handle these situations differently. I cry all the time and my sister keeps it all inside. You do what you have to do to get by.

    Thanks for your kindness. It means a lot. :-)

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