Lunches with Lisa

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I don't claim to know anything about parenting. My friends have a number of children among them, ranging in age from 1-21. I don't give them parenting advice or judge their decisions because I don't think it's my place.

However, I do think I can pick out the parents who God made the mistake of allowing to procreate. You know, the ones who are too strict, too lenient or just plain clueless.

Really, God? They get a positive pregnancy test and I don't?

Example in point:

Lisa's doctor did a procedure on a young man in his 20's last week. He was required to take an antibiotic afterward to stave off any potential infection.

His mother called a few days later, "Hello, this is Jimmy Corbo's (NOT his real name, HIPAA police) mother. I was just curious about something. Jimmy's work sent him for a random drug test and he tested positive for crack cocaine. He said that it must be because of the antibiotic that he's taking. Is that true?"

Lisa was speechless for a moment. "I'm sorry, would you say that again, please?"

"Sure," mother replied, "Jimmy's drug test came back positive for crack cocaine. That's normal when you're taking an antibiotic, isn't it?"

Lisa, ever the diplomat, replied, "Well, you know, I've never actually heard of that but you might want to call your pharmacist and ask them. And, hey, call me back and let me know what they say, okay? I'm curious myself."

Needless to say, Mrs. Corbo didn't call back. Until a few days later.

"Hi, it's Mrs. Corbo again. Jimmy's employer is allowing him to test again in 30 days but I know that Dr. Clarks extended Jimmy's antibiotics for another week. I bet that will cause a positive crack cocaine result again, won't it?"

"Please hold while I transfer you to the pharmacy."


  1. omg this is hilarious. (You do realize, though, that parents lose a significant amount of brain cells making them become increasingly more stupid - first you lose a few thousand during pregnancy, then a couple hundred more due to lack of sleep, then some more due to the regression that takes place because you baby-talk to your kids for the first five years of their lives. It's inevitable!) But this is just one for the records, though. Great stuff.

  2. WTH? Why is a 20 year old's mother calling? I think my 19 year old would kill me dead if I did that, of course, that would negate the need for the future drug test I suppose. Sigh. People are stupid.

  3. Yessss!! People are that stupid. I am in the power industry. To get into a power plant you have to drug test. We all know that. We have to do it all the time and yet we have guys fail. One guy went in for his test proclaiming his love over and over for poppy seeds. "I eat them all the time so if it comes back positive thats why". He failed. Duh. And banned.

  4. denial at it's finest...or not finest

  5. "I bet that will cause a positive crack cocaine result again, won't it?"


    OMG, I can't stop laughing - this post was FLAWLESS!

    I agree, girl...some people should NOT be parents.

  6. Well, Jimmy Corbo's mother is an idiot isn't she?

  7. Haha what the hell is wrong with people? Some parents just don't realize things....

  8. @Lizanne,
    Maybe so but I think this woman adopted!

    @Bombshell Bliss,
    Yes! A drug test would be the least of your son's worries.

    @Simply Suthern,
    Don't they know the poppy seed thing is so yesterday?

    @Stacie's Madness,

    Hey, that's why I don't have kids. :-)

    Yeah, little bit.

    I know. It's crazy.

  9. WOW...thats a new one on me.... huh; positive crac/ cocaine from antibiotic use... that never came up in all my years working human medicine....Party on Wayne...!!! Love your .. my first visit but am now a dedicated follower. Oh, ya, and you are SOOOOOO right that some people should just not be allowed to reproduce. I am a bit bitter myself as I cant have of my own so I totally get you! Keep up the entertaining writing.


C'mon, you know you want to say it..

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