Lunches with Lisa

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My sister, Lisa, is a total germophobe. I'm amazed that she doesn't walk around in a plastic bubble all day.

"No, I can't give you a sip of my drink."

"Oh my God, did your finger just touch that chicken wing? You better eat it! I saw you. I saw your finger touch the chicken wing!"

"Now why would you sneeze in your hand? You know you're supposed to sneeze in the crook of your elbow."

Yesterday, she was at the lunch table as I walked up, just looking down at her food.

"What's the matter?" I asked, "Why aren't you eating yet?"

She stared at her waffle fries and chicken tenders. "I forgot my Purell upstairs. Do you have your Purell?"

The only reason I have a purse sized Purell is because Lisa gave it to me. I rifled through my purse as she anxiously waited. "Sorry, no luck. They have those disinfecting foam dispensers over by the napkins."

She got up to give her hands a once over and I fully anticipated seeing her walking back to the table, arms bent upward at the elbow, fingers extended like she had just prepped for surgery and couldn't risk contaminating her hands.

What I got was far better. I happened to glance up at the man seated at the table across from me and he was laughing and looking in Lisa's direction.

There was my sister, rushing toward the table with her glasses in hand, wiping her cheek. As she got closer, I saw that her face, hair and blouse were all spattered with a white substance. She looked like a naughty school girl in a soft core porn movie. Who am I kidding? A girl like me doesn't watch soft core porn.

Make that hard core.

As she sat down, I said, "So, do you think he's gonna call you?"

She was laughing so hard, I don't think she even heard me.

"Oh my gosh....I pushed button....squirted everywhere...."

Now you think she would have learned this the first time it happened to her.

I bet she won't forget her Purell again.


  1. Can you arrange for me and her to hook up - I think I've got a bit of a crush. She's clearly a legend. Sipping other people's drinks? What's that all about anyway. I HATE it when I've had the foresight to take a bottle of water to football practice and everyone else wants to scrounge some. It's like they never guessed they'd be thirsty afterwards. Grr.

  2. Too funny, I like hot soapy water and liquid moisturizing hand soap plus paper towels. That feels good, I don't like hand sanitizers.


  3. I'd be willing to share my drink with a homeless person with cankers all over his lips, not much of a germ freak here! Buy some stock in Purell, maybe it'll do you some good that way!

  4. Holy cow... I thought I was bad about germs?

  5. Great, now I have a hardcore picture in my mind all afternoon. Good job there weren't multiple handwash dispensers; they just go everywhere.

  6. I would give her a bit of a break. She works in a doctors office helping out during hemorrhoid surgery? Plus if that is her picture, cuteness is shared by sisters!

  7. That is hysterical... lmao... I love it. Love the name of your blog by the way!

  8. Oh, too funny! well, if she has to choose between being germ-infested or being foam-splattered, I'm assuming she'd pick the latter.

    Sometimes, I guess it just has to be one or the other!

  9. Great image! I love your "Think he's gonna call you?" line-- Props to you, and to her for being able to laugh at herself!

  10. It's happened before??? I'm thinking there's a reason she keeps forgetting the Purell...

  11. ...She looked like a naughty school girl in a soft core porn movie...


    OMG..I LOVE you, girl!

    And I love these posts!

  12. When she starts putting the Purell ON the food, I say she has a serious problem.

  13. Chrissy, you are so right! When you see the "stuff" splattered all over, it's hard core! This is fabulous! I'm so glad I found you!


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