Mom & Dad, I'm getting married!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A lot of us are struggling to make ends meet in these tough economic times so a church here in Akron, Ohio has decided to help couples out. They’re offering FREE weddings!

Yep. That’s what I said.


The church recognizes recognize that “a marriage is a sacred opportunity from God for a man and woman” and that the cost of a wedding isn’t within reach for many couples today.

I, for one, have decided to take advantage of their generosity and I’ve signed up for an April 10 ceremony at 4:00.

(Save the date because you’re all invited!)

The church will provide the following:

1. Pre-marital mentoring

2. Decorations such as candelabras, wedding arch, communion bench and candles.

3. Minister services

4. Live music

5. Soundman services

6. 15 photo package

7. Artificial flower bouquets and boutonnieres, flower petals and basket and ring bearer pillow

8. Sterling silver wedding bands

9. Formal hair styling

10. Makeover for the bride

11. Video services

12. A selection of over 30 bridal gowns available for brides to borrow for the ceremony

(No need, I’ve had one in layaway since 1985)

13. A free two-tier wedding cake, which serves 60-75 people

14. Rehearsal time

I’m so excited, I can hardly believe it! I’m finally going to have the wedding of my dreams.

I feel like I'm forgetting something...

Oh, right. A groom. Work on that, wouldya?


  1. Now, if only GAY marriage would be legal for my boys. They'll probably be too workin' the free makeovers though.

  2. Well, the husband's the expensive part, I guess.

  3. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I think Indigo is available, but he is very high maintenance.

  4. a beautiful gown. what say we skip the wedding and go straight to the honeymoon!

    signed recyclable

  5. If you find me a bride I'll find you a groom! It's a shame that they can't provide the most important part of this whole marriage thing. Great post!

  6. I thought they were going to throw the groom

  7. Considering the amount of contribution husbands make to this process, you're better off with a mannequin.

  8. Let schocastical process be your guide. Break out the old fashioned phone book. Pick a name at random. VoilĂ  - new husband!

  9. Hey Chrissy, that's a lovely dress!

    Grooms are overrated, see if they'll go ahead without one.

    But 'Difficult is mistaken - I am a total pussycat, and very low maintenance. Unless "eats pizza regularly" has suddenly become a character flaw?


  10. If we lived locally I pretty sure my lady would force me to take the afternoon off work and make me put on my prettiest shoes :)


  11. Hahaha! I'll marry you. Boys are more trouble than they're worth. xxxx

  12. Gay marriage is legal in MA, come on down!

  13. (No need, I’ve had one in layaway since 1985)...

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...OMG, I LOVE your humor!

    P.S. can I be your maid of honor?

  14. I've tagged you with the Lucky Chinese 8 something and maybe you just might be able to get that dress out of lay away. checka my bloga.

  15. It's like a movie! I love it!!

    Cinnamon's Mum

  16. You are getting married in MY dress, only tiny little differences, mine is from 1989 and it's been used three times. I believe in recycling. Let's be twins, men can't resist twins!

  17. Damn. With every great idea there's always a catch. With all they're offering, I started wanting a wedding ceremony too!

    But what they REALLY need to offer is free divorces.

  18. hmmmmmmmm. It's a lot of work for cake. Still, two tiers?

  19. LOL! I seem to have the same problem...

  20. Huh. Only 15 photos? I'm having trouble getting past that. What if you're having a bad hair day?
    Closed your eyes? Forgot the groom?

    Oh, riiight. You mentioned that. Hey, you've got PLENTY of time! You have to give them...what? 24 hours notice before canceling? Isn't it the same cancellation policy as a doctor's visit?

  21. @That Gal Kiki,
    Funny! They WOULD be workin' the makeovers.

    @Right. The shipping costs alone will kill you.

    See above. The shipping costs will kill me.

    @R. Jacob,
    (deep sigh..)story of my life...

    Deal! Maybe we could put a couple in layaway!

    @Lee the Hot Flash Queen,
    No... :-(

    @Expat from Hell,
    That gives a whole different dimension to the term "woody".

    @Laoch of Chicago,
    Good idea. I've always wanted a husband named Brock Chandler.

  22. @Indigo,
    High maintenance? will only work if you're emotionally unavailable as well.

    @Occasionally called Robbie,
    I didn't read about any residency restrictions. Book the plane ticket!

    Save us a spot. Anna and I are on our way!

    Sure you can!

    @Wannabe Virginia W,
    Ooo...I'm comin' over...

    Now we just need the happy ending!

    Isn't that so 80's looking? They do like twins, don't they? Hey, Hef is looking for some new twins...

    Oh my gosh, you're SO right!

    LOL! Yeah...two tiers...

    One more payment and it's mine!

    @Picture Imperfect,
    Shall I save a date for you, too?

    Hey, they can always bill my insurance.

  23. I just wouldn't check Craig's List for a hubby. Wasn't there some serial killer that was posting on it? Ewww.

  24. Won't they let you have the wedding without the groom? I could use a good party.


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