Just do it already

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The local YMCA and one of the hospitals have teamed up to start a program called Go! Fit here in town. They're offering a FREE 3 month membership to any county resident for any local YMCA or Curves location.

I called my friend Michelle, who already has a membership at the Y and asked her if she wanted to buddy up and join me. Sure, she said, and I'll sign my son up to swim while we're there. Yay! It sounded like a plan.

Since it's probably been about 6 years since I've worked out in a gym, I decided to get my workout clothes ready the night before.

I squeezed into my bike shorts. Oh, no, my ass looks huge in these.

I pulled on my black leggings. Black still doesn't prevent my legs from looking like two sausages.

I slipped on my baggy sweats. Oh geez, now I just look like a frump.

So what does any self-respecting woman do? That's right. I went and bought new workout clothes.

The next day, Michelle and I headed to the gym, which is literally a little over a mile from my house. I confidently strode toward the front desk, rockin' my bright top and yoga pants.

"I would like to sign up for the GO fit program, please."

"Great! Just to let you know, we've gotten a higher demand than we anticipated, so we're going to have to delay your start until February 12."


I felt like I was on the Biggest Loser and getting kicked off the ranch before I even weighed in. Really? You didn't anticipate that you might get a large response when you offered a free membership to 1,300,000 residents of the county?

I disappointedly looked at Michelle, who suggested I stay as her guest. I gave them my contact information and followed Michelle into the women's locker room. For those of you who watched the first episode of this season's Biggest Loser, you know that they had the contestants do their initial weigh-in in front of their friends, family and town members. It was a devastating wake up call for all of them.

So I headed to the scale and told Michelle to watch me weigh myself.

"I don't need to watch you weigh yourself," Michelle looked away.

"I need to be shamed into losing weight. Just stand there and see what I weigh."

It was a traditional balance beam scale and Michelle watched as I slid the clunky 150 pound marker over.

"See? You don't even weigh 150!"

"No....I weigh more than 150. I need to slide this thingy over."


Slide...not balanced....slide....not balanced...slide...still not balanced. There we go.

"Look. This is what a pig I am."

"What? There's no way you weigh that! The scale must be broken. Excuse me! Could you come over here, please, this scale is broken," Michelle yelled down the hall.

"SHH!!!! It's not broken. That's really what I weigh."


I followed Michelle into the fitness room and I jumped on the Stairmaster. There were a spattering of people there and we were all facing the mirrored wall.

As the Stairmaster started taking me through the random routine, I gradually started to feel stronger.

This isn't so bad, I thought to myself as I glanced in the mirror. I look pretty cute in my hot pink top.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

Hey, I think I see definition in my thighs already.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

I glanced over at the guy in (way too) short shorts. Hey, look at me! I'm so athletic. I shouted in my head. He didn't look.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

I stared at the woman in the red sweatshirt. Look at me. Look AT me! Nothin'.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

I bored holes in the back of the man's head who was sitting on the bike in front of me. Hey. Hey. You. You. Look up. Look up. Look in the mirror. Look UP!

Step. Step. Step. Step.

As the speed increased on the stairs, my breathing became more shallow and I felt myself starting to sweat. (I don't delicately perspire - I SWEAT) I glanced at myself in the mirror and could see the sweat trickling down my neck and staining my tee an even darker shade.

Keep going, Chrissy! Think of your Lucky jeans that you haven't fit into since the summer.


I looked at myself in the mirror.

Oh God! My face was bright red, my tee shirt soaked and my hair was plastered to my cheeks. I looked awful.

I caught "short shorts" looking at me in the mirror.

Stop looking at me! I'm hideous. Stop, I say. STOP!

The random routine ended and I slunk off the stairs, trying not to draw any more attention to myself. I know now that I pushed myself too hard the first day.

I mean, really, who can do five minutes right off the bat??


  1. I guy in shorts shorts like that probably isn't looking for you...or me...

    Good start! It's not about how you look at the gym right now...it's about how you're going to look in six months!

  2. Chrissy, you had me rolling on the floor reading this. It was hysterical!

    I'm SO proud of you! And Jen is right...it's about how your gonna look in six months. Just in time for a bikini at the beach!

  3. That's why I have a treadmill here at home (one which I am still paying off, and one that I don't use) LOL.

  4. Way to go, Chrissie, knock 'em dead!

  5. Hey Chrissy, I couldn't face the embarrassment of the gym. Luckily there's a whole network of cycle paths round here, and plenty of sidewalk. I'll wear a hat and dark glasses so nobody can recognise me as I go past. They'll point and laugh and say, Oooh, who IS that fat bastard? Indigo

  6. Phew. Hopefully that'll be it until next year

  7. You are a brave woman. I refuse to let anyone see me exercise. I successfully shame myself by keeping a huge mirror beside my treadmill.

  8. I hate when you tell people what you weigh and their response is "No way!" Um, yes way, and thanks for that self-esteem boosting response!

  9. That was hilarious. This is why I hate going to a gym. I feel the need to do more than the guy next to me and always end up a hot puddle of a mess, crawling out to the car because I can not feel my legs.

  10. We were playing on the Wii Fit yesterday. Boo wanted me to do the 'rythym boxing' when I stepped on the Wii balanced board instead of it's ususal "good", it went "OH!".

    I even have the Wii telling me I need to lose weight.

  11. Sorry, I was struck dumb by those gorgeous glistening globes.
    Oh and f8hasit: My Wii tells me the same thing. Cheeky bastard.

  12. Oh I love you. That's how I feel not only when I look at the scale (and your friend is a hero for calling it broken BTW)

    But how I feel at the gym....like everyone is looking at me, since I turn into the Heat-meiser and only seem to sweat from my head the obvious as it sticks my me and drips all over the place, and of course my Cuda, which isn't REAALLY from the Cuda but that horrid Thigh-touching-each-other-area that won't go away no matter how many miles I run or how many of those obscene leg opening weight machine things I try but leave a oh-so-sexy moist spot on the seat I must quicky wipe up before anyone else can use the machine.

    (you men find this as sexy as ball-sweat don't lie)



  13. Confucius say: if you feel sexy, sweating is sexy, if not, go another five minutes to be sure,

  14. I've concluded from watching the Biggest Loser that the secret to losing weight is to cry every chance you get until all the water and snot runs out of your body. Oh, and you have to let Jillian Michaels ride you like a worn out race horse.

  15. I think 5 minutes is long enough. Makes me sweat just thinking about it! I have great difficulty walking to the mailbox and back :)

  16. Just think. Next time you go, you'll be able to do 10 minutes!

  17. You got five minutes more than I did! :) Good for you!!!

  18. I think 5 minutes is longer than you think, and you did very well. When I was doing dog agility, I was panting after just one run, which took less than a minute!

    Cinnamon's Mum

  19. This post was brilliant - thanks for the laugh and I completely sympathise with the gym experience. No one looks good while working out.

    Kate xx

  20. Oh, sweetie! You are tooooo funny! You had me rocking with laughter as I read this! "Look at MEEE!!!"

    Keep it up! I know you can! I'm exercising vicariously through you!

  21. I have one of those treadmills, too, that are great to look at.lol. 5 minutes is a long time if you haven't been on in awhile. (((HUGS)))

  22. Hehehehe...great story...I like your blog!


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