For this, I showered?

Monday, January 25, 2010

I tried to convince my doctor that I had become F-A-T from the medication that she had prescribed for me in the spring. She concurred that it may have attributed to my weight gain and so, she agreed that we could try switching meds.

I waited patiently for my medication to come from my new mail order prescription company. It arrived a little over a week ago, just as I ran out of my other pills. I read through the handout that came with the prescription and it listed many of the same possible side effects that the other drug had.


*muscle weakness

*chest pain




*feeling light-headed


You know, the usual CYA list that drug companies utilize.

I was happy to see that Anorgasmia wasn't on the list however, lack of sexual desire was. So it looks like I won't have any trouble actually having an orgasm, I just won't want to.

The first few days, I felt fine. The third day, I was feeling a little light-headed and nauseous. My sister told me to call the doctor but I was sure that I could work through the side effects like I had the last time. At least I didn't have that catatonic Stepford Wife thing going on again.

By Friday, I could barely move my head without feeling like I was going to fall down and I would intermittently get that head rush feeling while sitting at my desk. But I was gonna work through it because hello.....I might actually lose weight on this drug.

Saturday, I was too afraid to shower because I thought I might fall down in the tub. You people who live alone know what I'm talking about. That fear of falling and hitting our heads or choking on food and not being able to perform the Heimlich on ourselves. No one will find us until the rotting stench of our corpse alerts the mailman that something is wrong.

Sunday, I felt even worse and I decided to take a shower in case I had to call 911. Well, I didn't want be stinky when the hunky paramedics got here...

I dropped the soap but didn't want to bend over and pick it up so I just kept kicking it until it finally looped high enough off the side for me to catch it. I safely exited, put on my robe and decided to lay down on the couch.

What happens next could be titled, A Day in My Life..

My cell phone beeped that I had a text message but I was too lazy to get up and answer it. Then my home phone rang and since it was on the coffee table, I reached over to answer it.

"Hi Christine, it's Jim!" (only close friends like you guys call me Chrissy)

For those of you who don't know, Jim is my next door neighbor.

"Hi Jim. How are you?" the pounding in my head got worse.

"Good! I just wanted you to know that I'm officially divorced!"

Oh dear God, I thought to myself, but I managed a "congratulations" and we chatted for a few minutes. Inevitably, Jim wanted to come over and chat some more.

"Sorry, Jim, this isn't a good time."

And inevitably, he mentioned that "if I ever wanted to get together for dinner or something, that would be great."

Now I felt dizzy and I hadn't even stood up. I fumbled through an excuse to get off the phone and was lying there holding my head when the reminder beep on my cell went off again.

It was loud and annoying so I got up to see who it was. It was from my old boyfriend Sparky's brother's girlfriend, Carrie. We had never met while Sparky and I were dating.

She explained to me that she had moved here a few years back and still didn't really have many friends and Sparky had said what a great person I was and how much fun I was and would I like to get together sometime?


I called a girlfriend and read her the text.

"Isn't this odd?"

"Yes, but aren't you curious?"

"If I'm so fun and great, why isn't he dating me? Why is he setting up a play date with his pseudo sister-in-law?"

"Because you have that special gift for dating only emotionally unavailable men. It doesn't mean that he doesn't think you're great, he just can't handle you, so he wants to vicariously experience you through her."

I haven't responded back to Carrie yet.

I decided to go to the drugstore armed with my list of alternate meds that my insurance company had sent me because the Stepford Wife drug has become "non-formulary" which means three times the co-pay. I needed to see what my options were to switch drugs again.

I was sitting patiently in a chair, waiting for my pharmacy consultation when I glanced over at the woman sitting next to me in the cramped waiting area. She seemed to be taking great pleasure in the newspaper article she was reading when all of sudden she let out a chuckle and looked over at me.

Oh God, here we go...

"My goodness, would you look at this?", she leaned over and turned the page toward me. "Doesn't she look like the happiest, nicest person?"

My eyes went to where her finger was pointing and I let out a maniacal laugh at this culmination of my goofy day. She grinned even larger.

"Wow. She sure does.", I said,"I would love to hang out with her!" Maybe Carrie could come along.

She was pointing to the photo of a dead woman in the obituaries.

But I'M the one who's on medication...


  1. Sooooooooooo frustrating. I feel you sister. My Prestiq is my best and worst friend. I love your humor and attitude. xxoo

  2. I know, when your world is on spin cycle, nothing seems to make sense. By the way, you are not f-a-t-,I am thinking of going to paramedic school so I can be the hunky guy that shows up at your door step!

  3. This is so damn funny!


  4. Cracking up!! Love that you can orgasm but won't want to!

  5. Oh wow, I hate meds like that and I can bet they are really tiny but don't look the slightest bit threatening. Just the right deceit to make you think "how bad could it be" every time you pop one in your mouth.

    I think you should call Carrie back, she might actually turn out to be a nice person after all; and she IS in a new city with no friends so it'd be nice for her to know she has someone to talk to, I'm just sayin'.


  6. I bet the "no orgasm" side effect is more of a deterrent than the meds that warn of possible death.

  7. Funny, especially the part about Jim. I'll be curious to see how that plays out.

    I always get a kick out of medicines advertised on TV, where the side effects are worse than the thing you're taking them for.

    Have a good day!

  8. That was funny.

    Hope the meds work for you.

  9. Well, we all knew Jim would rear his ugly head again... The yucky ones just won't go away... I sure hope the new meds help. Been there, done that, and it ain't easy. Cheers!

  10. What meds are you on?

    My medical chart rivals that of a 65 year old man and my bedside table resembles a pharmacy....and I'm 30.

    I get all kinds of fun warnings on pills. One side effect I noted recently must have been a new addition.

    It mentioned "Could cause fear" Fear?!

    This pill was intitally given to people to ease fears.

    Drug companies are stellar.

  11. Ugh! That sounds rough. when I switched up my depression meds it did something very similar. I felt detached and floaty. The lights in HEB (grocery store) made my eyes focus in and out.

    "Maybe Carrie could come along" Love it!

    Hope the new alternative drugs work out for you. No fainting or feeling Stepford.

  12. OMG, the second my eyes fell upon the name JIM, I thought...."She doesn't need this WACKO right now" I bet you wanted to scream!?$!*

    Hey, and being someone who also lives alone, I know what you mean about not being able to perform a self-Heimlich.

    *that CRACKED ME UP!

    Anyhoo...I hope you're feeling better, girl.


  13. ARGGGHHHH! Meds! Can't live with the side effects, can't live without 'em. I now have droopy face because of my meds... gives me that Basset hound look.

    But, the nerve of the neighbor calling you up to hit on you just as soon as he gets divorced. Tacky!

  14. I got to the "Jim" part and GROANED...Ooooh, Noooooo! You do NOT need this.....we want him to MOVE! Seriously.

    Honey, I hope you're feeling better. Both those meds sound awful! What is it that we're actually trying to medicate, anyway? Maybe the side-effects are worse than the problem??!

  15. WOW! I thought freakish stuff like this only happened to me. WHEW! Glad I'm not the only one, but also sooo sorry that you have to deal with this. And it's always when you LEAST feel like dealing with it. You need a nice long bubble bath (for a few days to hide But, of course, Jim would get worried & send EMS, police, fire, the mailman & UPS to check on you!
    I've been on Lexapro for a while & hubby can't stand that I'm just not wanting any. So, I have to be nice sometimes, whether I want to or not. LOL. Hope you feel better. :)

  16. hehehe ...wonderful...may i follow?

  17. @That Gal Kiki,
    Thanks. I know, it's very love hate with these pretty pills.

    @R. Jacob,
    Yes! Drive up with a siren on your sportscar.

    Hee hee..thanks.

    @Lee the Hot Flash Queen,
    Yep. I'm getting it out of my system this week before it kicks in.

    Okay, I'm mean. I told her I couldn't so it. It was too weeeiirrd.

    You know, you're right!

    @The Guy's Perspective,
    Yes, stay tuned. I'll probably kill him.

    @WannabeVirginia W,
    Thanks, me too!

    @Leah Rubin,
    He's like a bad penny.

    Fear? I love that. You can sell them in the parking lot of a teen horror flick.

    Yep, that's what happened. Thanks!

    I knew you would understand the Heimlich thing!

    Awww...I love bassetts! I know, he's a snake. And he does it under the guise of "friendship."

    Hmmm....crazy versus side effects. That's a tough one.

    Funny! I DID take a nice long bubble bath last night. And yes, he would be breaking down the doors himself. If he doesn't see Bernie in the window, he panics.

    My Stepford drug was Lexapro. Loved it but I swear, that's what made me gain.

    With a Jersey Shore arm like that, I would be honored to have you as a follower!

  18. Fun, nice and, at this point, won't be the kind of friend always calling you with problems. Ever again.

  19. It seems there are always funny episodes happening around you. Or, might you have extraordinary senses to catch such episodes? Otherwise, was it because of the shower you took indeed?

    Cinnamon's Mum

  20. @Jules,
    Good point! Gosh, I hope I didn't miss calling hours.

    I think I do have some weird "sense". :-)

  21. Get off those meds Sweetheart! Because I really really really love you!


C'mon, you know you want to say it..

Blogger Template created by Just Blog It