Lunches with Lisa

Friday, January 15, 2010

My sister, Lisa, works as a medical assistant for a general surgeon and one of the procedures he performs is a colonscopy. When a patient is scheduled for one, Lisa informs them of the prep work they need to do to prepare. One of the things that she stresses is no solid food.

"So, I can't have macaroni and cheese?"

"No, sir, no macaroni and cheese. Just clear liquids, popsicles, things like that."

"How about a muffin? Can I have a muffin?"

"No, no muffins. Clear. Broths, soups, jello even."

"Cereal? Can I have cereal?"

"No, no cereal. Think of it this way. If you can see through it, you can eat it."

"Oh. Well, that makes sense."

Yesterday at lunch, she was telling me how this patient had come in for his colonoscopy and that her doctor had called her afterward to discuss it.

"I started to do the procedure and I couldn't complete it because he had eaten something", Dr. Clarks began.

"I can't believe it. I specifically told him he couldn't",
Lisa replied.

"Well, he said that you told him he could have anything he could see through."

"That's right. It seemed like the simplest explanation since he wasn't understanding what I meant."

"Oh, he understood alright. I asked him what he had eaten and he replied, 'Lisa told me I could eat anything I could see through. So I ate a bagel.'


  1. He CAN see 'through' a bagel, can't he? Perhaps Lisa will have to be more specific about what "see through" means next time.


  2. Too funny how people take things so literally...

  3. Ha! OUTSTANDING! Do they let these people breed?

  4. I suspected this was going there, but it was funny anyway!!

    Of course, I just had to have the procedure and the prep was NO FUN!!

    But at least I don't remember the exam. That's good!

  5. Some people are just complete idiots.
    Perhaps he just wants to have someone examine his colon (and therabouts) many times. Repeatedly.

  6. Bwhahahahahahhahahaha!


    Holy crap...that's HYSTERICAL!!!!

    Thanks for the great laugh, Chrissy!


  7. God it's frightening how many stupid people are loose out there.

    but no Darwin Award--they have to "improve the gene pool by taking themselves out of it in a spectacularly stupid manner" to qualify.

    Maybe we should come up with another award for this type of stuff... "Dumb F*&k of the Week?"

  8. My money was on "doughnut", but close enough.

  9. Well, then, I suppose you could get some swiss cheese, put it in between the bagel halves & as long as you line the holes up, you could eat that, too, right? ARGH! Seriously, people will try to get away with anything. Better off to tell them to eat absolutely nothing at all. But some people would question that as well. Some people just ask for a beating!

  10. My uncle always says "There are us, and the THICKIES. We're outnumbered."

  11. I was looking for swiss cheese.

    Yup, thick is a good description. Obtuse, perhaps? Poor old fuck but he probably liked all the attention.

  12. Perfect lunch discussion...just like at the veterinary hospital where I on the scrub table, donuts in the lab...haha

  13. That's was funny!

    Please participate in my 1st giveaway at


  14. So, for my next colonoscopy I can leave bagels on the menu?

  15. Ha! This is why there are stickers on hair dryers that say "Do Not Use In Shower."


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