Itsy Bitsy Spider, my ass

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I'm really glad that we're coming into my favorite season of the year. I love the colorful foliage, the crisp autumn air and the lull of crickets outside my window as I'm falling asleep.

What I don't love are the spiders. I am unreasonably afraid of spiders. I don't care if they keep the insects under control. And as far as singing this little ditty about it being bad luck to kill a spider in your house:

If you wish to live and thrive

Let the spider run alive

Rubbish! I need to kill them before they kill me. Hey, I saw Arachnophobia. I'm no fool.

I've been known to spend the night on the couch because a spider scurried under my bed and I couldn't find where it went. And I've almost killed myself from inhaling an entire can of bug spray fumes because there's a daddy long-legs in the shower. Who's your daddy now, sucker!

There are two spiders that live in the frame of my front door. Every day, they weave their webs, inviting innocent insects to stumble into their lair. And every day, I brush them away with a very long handled broom. I'm sure my mailman thinks that I don't care about my property because the front of my house looks like it belongs to the Addams Family every evening when I get home from work.

I'm reasonable enough to allow them to live if they are OUTSIDE of my home. I think that's a fair compromise.

However, I did catch a fleeting glimpse of a pretty large, scary looking one in the woods behind my house. So help me God, if I see it again...I'm getting my shovel.


  1. There is an Ethiopian proverb which states: “When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.”

  2. There is an Australian proverb which states: "Spiders? That's not a spider, THIS is a spider".

  3. I will lend you my large hand or big show. Either one will take care of your spider problem. Your porch does have that "You rang Mr. Adams" look.

  4. I hate spiders too. The spider swimsuit is kind of hot.

  5. Spiders don't bother me but mice do. I can't get anywhere near them. Completely freaks me out. Thanks for stopping by my site after the Ron interview.

  6. I can't believe you just did a spider post. My whole body is trembling with fear now. I hate hate hate spiders.

    But I love fall! I run the fan in my room's window all night and cuddle under five tons of blankets. It's so nice!

  7. I had one out by the pond that wove a tunnel out of the webs. A TUNNEL! And it was huge! Like the one in Lord of the Rings huge...
    It so grossed me out. Gave me the oolies for weeks.
    Nice to know I'm not the only one with that problem!

    Now the spider lady in your backyard? I glad that ISN'T over on my side of town...

  8. LOL - Love it!! I'm o.k. with spiders, but detest frogs, toads and goats...

  9. I'm with you on the spiders!!! EEEEKKKKkkkk!! I am terribly afraid of them, but even worse is my husband, which is why we enilst the dog to eat them if we find any. However, the one in your back yard might be bitting off a little more than he can chew.

  10. I am also very afraid of spiders, but that last picture is gonna stay with me for awhile....

  11. Ok...this is ANOTHER area where you and I are the same.

    I HATE THEM! They freak me the hell out!

    And having lived in Florida, they are notorious for coming into the house. OMG, whenever I saw one, I would pick one of my cats up and say, "Go get em', tiger!"

    LOVED the last photo!!

  12. The problem is that most spiders are not that eensy-weensy....and someone needs to explain to them that their lives would be longer and less traumatic if they didn't feel the need to take it inside. I have the same prob w/a spider that keeps a web going on the upper corner of my front door. Every time I open it, I jump backwards. It's like nature is sending me an instant message: stay inside...scary things live out here!

  13. LOL! Spiders do not bother me much, but if I see a mouse!!! OMG!!! They give me chills! I have had them stand up and dare me to get rid of them! ( Shudder!!! ) I guess we all have our cross to bear! Janey from Texas

  14. Yeah, I have some over-achieving spiders on my deck... What are they eating that makes them do this??? What kind of competition are they in? Mine won't die, apparently...

  15. @Loach and Matthew,

    Interesting. American Proverb. "Is it dead? Hit it again!"

    @R. Jacob,

    Thanks for the offer. And for the compliment.

    @Peach Tart,

    Somehow, I knew you might like it.


    You know, I've never had a mouse experience so I can't really say.

  16. @Erin,
    I'm sorry. They give me the willies, too. Yes! Windows wide open burrowed under the covers. :-)

    Oh, you should have taken a picture! Yep, one of the hazards of being an eastsider.

    @Travel Girl,
    I can't stop laughing. Goats?? Really? How much interaction do you have with goats?

    Funny. Your husband is like the husband in Arachnophobia. Yes, I think your dog might choke.

    I know, sorry. My eyes! My eyes!!

    Ewwww!!! Spiders by any body of water are the worst! Yucko.

    The one spider does that to me, too. And he's so darn fast, I wonder what would happen if he jumped at me. I wouldn't even see him coming.

  17. @Janey,
    Yikes! I'm sure I would probably be afraid of them, too, but LUCKILY I haven't had to figure it out yet.

    Steroids, maybe? Bastards.

  18. Hi Chrissy, just stumbled upon you while blogger surfing. I was going to comment on your toddlers & tiara post as some of those moms are more frightening than spiders; but then, I read this post and had to thank you for the much needed belly laugh! Where in the world did you get that photo?

    Having grown up in Oklahoma, I had more than my fair share of tarantula sitings. Those damn things can jump like five feet which scares the hell outa me cuz it certainly evens up the playing field. I'm much happier in Milwaukee - the spiders here are ridiculously whimpy - all legs, not poisonous and not hairy!

    Now if I can just do something about the large, hairy-backed, cheese head wearin',men here - I would be in business.

  19. @Zen Mama,
    OMG, I totally have the willies now from thinking of those tarantulas. I had no idea they could jump! I thought they just looked big and creepy. Even my head is itching.

    Glad you got out in time. I would hate to see one of those hairy cheese men in my woods.

    You can find ANYTHING when you Google. God I love the internet!


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