Well, why didn't you say so?

Monday, July 13, 2009

My first foray into the medical field was working as a secretary for an ophthalmologist. I had no medical background and each patient call I received those first few weeks caused my anxiety level to increase as I wondered if I would be able to address the problem on the other end of the line.

To make matters worse, there must have been a new operator on the phones because I was constantly answering calls that had been routed to me in error.

Ring! Ring!

"Good Morning, Dr. Paul's office. How may I help you?"

"I need to see the Doctuh. I gots pain real bad," the drunken sounding man yelled into the phone.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"I said, I gots pain real bad. And there be pus comin' out a my ahss," he slurred.

"I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong department."

"No! I got pus coming out of my ahss. Ain't you lisnin' to me?"

I no longer thought that this was an incorrectly routed call but a drunken prank. How dare he tell me that he has pus coming out of his ass! What kind of a sick joke was this?

"Sir, I think you have the wrong department."

"No. I'll come over there and show it to ya. There's pus in my ahss."

"Is this a joke? Sir, I do not want to see pus coming out of your ass.""

"Ass? I didn't say ass. I said, ahss. I have pus coming out of my ahss."

"Did you say eyes? There's pus coming out of your eyes?"

"Yeah, thas what I said. Pus in my ahss."

"Oh. Well, why didn't you say so? Hold, please."


It took me 5 minutes to stop laughing before I could get back on the phone and make his appointment.

17 comments

  1. Sounds like life in Texas. I was wondering if your "client" had a purse stuffed into his back end. Great post. As usual.

    EFH

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  2. That reminds me of when I tried to order a brass house number plaque for a friend who had bought a new house.

    1208 RA-Mona.

    Yeah...1208 RO-Mona.

    No, RA-mona. RA. r A m o n a.

    Got it. rO-mona.

    It came a week later, and of course, spelled wrong.
    :-)

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  3. Funny. Reminds me of the time when I wrote up a work order to have a residents bathtub cocked. Should have written caulked, not cocked. Oh Lord help me...what a thing to wright!

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  4. bwahahahahahahaha!

    I laughed so hard I had tears coming out of my ahss!

    Oh dear god, this sounds EXACTLY like how some of people here in Philly talk! Sometimes I honestly feel like I'm living in a foreign country because I have to ask customers to repeat themselves constantly.

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  5. Chrissy - was the caller Richard Gere? Is that the unsaid punchline? After all, Dick battled alleged rodent troubles some time ago.

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  6. Expat,
    I think every town has these people. A purse, that's funny!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ron,
    Tears coming out of your ahss. HA HA!!! It's terrible, isn't it? Speak ENGLISH, people!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Funny Girl,
    That's hysterical! I bet you didn't live that one down for a while.

    ReplyDelete
  9. MVD,

    Riiighhht. The Richard Gere gerbilectomy.

    I know someone who knew someone who was married to the sister-in-law of this guy who took the bus with someone who lived next door to the sister of the man who delivered a package to Richard Gere's assistant's sister's house.

    True story.

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  10. Of course it was spelled wrong, Nancy!

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  11. Chrissy,

    OMG! LMAO!! Hilarious!!!

    JB should tell you about the night Jesus called the restaurant. Yes, I said Jesus. Hahaha! I almost took that phone call myself, but the head waiter at the time got to the phone seconds before me. lololol Too funny.

    Cheers,
    Eddy

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  12. Eddy,

    I would have loved to have talked to Jesus! How funny..

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  13. And we all know, there's nothing worse than a pussy ass.

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  14. Okay, that's frickin' hilarious! Did he ever come in? Thanks for sharing that.

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  15. Chris,
    Pussy ass! Now, why didn't I think of that?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Theresa,
    yes, he did come in and to this day, I can remember his name.

    ReplyDelete
  17. O
    MG, hilariuos,cracked me up :)
    first time reader....i'll be back.

    ReplyDelete

C'mon, you know you want to say it..

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