Well, why didn't you say so?

Monday, July 13, 2009

My first foray into the medical field was working as a secretary for an ophthalmologist. I had no medical background and each patient call I received those first few weeks caused my anxiety level to increase as I wondered if I would be able to address the problem on the other end of the line.

To make matters worse, there must have been a new operator on the phones because I was constantly answering calls that had been routed to me in error.

Ring! Ring!

"Good Morning, Dr. Paul's office. How may I help you?"

"I need to see the Doctuh. I gots pain real bad," the drunken sounding man yelled into the phone.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"I said, I gots pain real bad. And there be pus comin' out a my ahss," he slurred.

"I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong department."

"No! I got pus coming out of my ahss. Ain't you lisnin' to me?"

I no longer thought that this was an incorrectly routed call but a drunken prank. How dare he tell me that he has pus coming out of his ass! What kind of a sick joke was this?

"Sir, I think you have the wrong department."

"No. I'll come over there and show it to ya. There's pus in my ahss."

"Is this a joke? Sir, I do not want to see pus coming out of your ass.""

"Ass? I didn't say ass. I said, ahss. I have pus coming out of my ahss."

"Did you say eyes? There's pus coming out of your eyes?"

"Yeah, thas what I said. Pus in my ahss."

"Oh. Well, why didn't you say so? Hold, please."

It took me 5 minutes to stop laughing before I could get back on the phone and make his appointment.


  1. Sounds like life in Texas. I was wondering if your "client" had a purse stuffed into his back end. Great post. As usual.


  2. That reminds me of when I tried to order a brass house number plaque for a friend who had bought a new house.

    1208 RA-Mona.

    Yeah...1208 RO-Mona.

    No, RA-mona. RA. r A m o n a.

    Got it. rO-mona.

    It came a week later, and of course, spelled wrong.

  3. Funny. Reminds me of the time when I wrote up a work order to have a residents bathtub cocked. Should have written caulked, not cocked. Oh Lord help me...what a thing to wright!

  4. bwahahahahahahaha!

    I laughed so hard I had tears coming out of my ahss!

    Oh dear god, this sounds EXACTLY like how some of people here in Philly talk! Sometimes I honestly feel like I'm living in a foreign country because I have to ask customers to repeat themselves constantly.

  5. Chrissy - was the caller Richard Gere? Is that the unsaid punchline? After all, Dick battled alleged rodent troubles some time ago.

  6. Expat,
    I think every town has these people. A purse, that's funny!

  7. Ron,
    Tears coming out of your ahss. HA HA!!! It's terrible, isn't it? Speak ENGLISH, people!

  8. Funny Girl,
    That's hysterical! I bet you didn't live that one down for a while.

  9. MVD,

    Riiighhht. The Richard Gere gerbilectomy.

    I know someone who knew someone who was married to the sister-in-law of this guy who took the bus with someone who lived next door to the sister of the man who delivered a package to Richard Gere's assistant's sister's house.

    True story.

  10. Of course it was spelled wrong, Nancy!

  11. Chrissy,

    OMG! LMAO!! Hilarious!!!

    JB should tell you about the night Jesus called the restaurant. Yes, I said Jesus. Hahaha! I almost took that phone call myself, but the head waiter at the time got to the phone seconds before me. lololol Too funny.


  12. Eddy,

    I would have loved to have talked to Jesus! How funny..

  13. And we all know, there's nothing worse than a pussy ass.

  14. Okay, that's frickin' hilarious! Did he ever come in? Thanks for sharing that.

  15. Chris,
    Pussy ass! Now, why didn't I think of that?

  16. Theresa,
    yes, he did come in and to this day, I can remember his name.

  17. O
    MG, hilariuos,cracked me up :)
    first time reader....i'll be back.


C'mon, you know you want to say it..

Blogger Template created by Just Blog It