My what big teeth you have!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I was eating an apple tonight and bit my lip. In the same place that I've bit my lip at least three other times today and twice yesterday. I know people who occasionally bite their lips or tongue. I, on the other hand, do it constantly because my bite is so misaligned. I've even considered having my jaw broken and reset.

When I was young, the dentist suggested that I get braces.

"There's nothing wrong with her teeth, Jean, we aren't doing it," my father argued.

"Maybe there is, though," my mother replied.

"Ridiculous! They're just trying to make money. Crooks!"

Here's a picture of me as a child.

My parents were both Depression era babies and still think a loaf of bread should be a nickel. My mother isn't as bad as my father who thinks everyone is out to screw him. When I told him about Bernie and how much the tests were to diagnose her, his response was to get a second opinion to be sure the vet wasn't just trying to make money off us. Crook!

My father's frugality brings us back again to my continually swelling lip caused by my ridiculously uneven bite. I've always been a voracious masticator so it generally doesn't take more than one chomp to do damage. Once, I had bitten down so hard that I thought I was going to pass out from the pain of my self-inflicted wound. My lip swelled so large and turned so purple that when I went to work the next day, I lied and told everyone that my neighbor's dog had bit me. Woof.

Each time this happens, I touch my finger to my lip to check for blood, mutter "son-of-a-bitch" and then hold my finger out to gaze at my latest DNA sample. My father will still argue to this day that I have beautiful teeth because I never had braces.

Yes, I am glad that my teeth look relatively normal from the outside since all the damage lies inside where no one can see it.

Sort of like what happened to my soul. Thanks, Mom & Dad.


  1. OMG, Chrissy...that photo of you is ADORABLE!

    I swear to god, if I could find a binky like that now, I'd be wearing it to work!


    Your father sounds like my mother. She thinks everyone is a Crook.

    I bite the inside of side of my mouth and my tongue a lot. I think it's the way I chew. a squirrel.

  2. My parents aren't Depression era babies but they sure act like it. I remember asking for extra allowance because I need it for a school project and my dad told me to just pass my Physics project again to my Math teacher since they're both about numbers anyway. I can totally see this happening today if the economic problems don't let up.

  3. Emotional scars from our parents is what makes us who we are today - dysfunctional. My mother's favorite line "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

  4. Don't count out your father's opinion. I went on record a couple of months back saying that I consider dentistry a form of organized crime.

  5. Ron,
    I can just picture you with the binky in your mouth AND dancing to the Pussycat Dolls!

  6. Tramadol,
    You're right. We're creating a whole new generation of Depression babies.

  7. Travel Girl,
    You're so right, my dear. I always say that thing your mother says, too! Is anyone NOT dysfunctional? Because I just think that would be dysfunctional.

  8. Judge,
    I know. I know. In fact, just today we were talking about dentists but a child's teeth? Come on...

  9. Is that really you in the picture? It's really clear, Chompy.

  10. No, Carlos, that's not me. I was so fat you couldn't even see my teeth.

  11. Chrissy, you write beautifully. I've just stumbled across your blog and have read a few of the posts. They're wonderful.
    I'm lucky to have nice straight teeth and, as a Brit', I'm glad to see more and more children over here with braces. Perhaps we won't be the butt of so many jokes from our North American cousins in the future.
    Have you read any Philip Larkin poetry, by the way? Take a look at This Be The Verse. You'll love it.

  12. I just stumbled upon your blog, and I love it. You remind me of me. You're very snarky and witty and I too had a crush on Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider. We're kindred spirits. Totally.

  13. @The Fat Man,

    Thanks so much for the kind words. You know, I had a girlfriend from London and she had stunning teeth. All four of them.

    I've not read Philip Larkin but I will definitely check him out. Hope to see you again!

    @Britta B, Skeptic,

    So happy you stumbled in, Britta! I love people who are just like me. :-)

    Tomb Raider-how you could you not?


C'mon, you know you want to say it..

Blogger Template created by Just Blog It