Medic!

It's been raining pretty non-stop here for the last few days. Bernie is horrified of the thunder so, lucky for me, it tends to start thundering when I've been asleep for two or three hours. I'm usually in the middle of a dream where David Beckham has left that skinny ass wife of his for me. I'm lying on the bed as he's walking toward me, staring into my eyes....



...and then Bernie is jumping on the side of my bed because there's been a clap of thunder.

In my haste to get some sleep before the storm started again last night, I knocked over the glass that sits on the pedestal sink in my bathroom. I should have learned long ago to only buy plastic because I inevitably break anything that's glass in my house.

I picked up the the large pieces as I shooed Bernie out so she wouldn't step in any glass. Im already paying for the vet's new car, I don't need to pay for the addition on her home.

I was pretty sure I had picked up all the pieces so I did one last sweep with a wet tissue. Well, I hadn't gotten it all until the last sliver slid under my nail and lodged there. It went something like this.

"Holy shit!!! Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my God! Holy shit! Bernie get out. OUT! Oh my God!!!"

It was bleeding so bad that I could barely see the piece of glass and when I tried to pull it out with my fingers, i just lodged it further in. I tried not to bleed all over the bathroom as I searched for my tweezers. I found them but I'm less than adept at using them left handed and I had to rinse my finger each time so I could see where the sliver was.

I finally managed to get the glass out and wrap a tissue around my finger. I kept replacing it as I bled through each one. I contemplated what to do as panic quickly set in.

I was too tired to drive to the emergency room and I had dated the best of friend of a paramedic so I knew that if I called 911, I would have to straighten up the house and put makeup on. Then there was the cop my friend tried to set me up with who never called me again. He would probably show up, too. No, I didn't need an episode of "This is Your Life" playing out in my living room.

My finger finally clotted and I applied some Jesus salve, also known as Doctor Burt's Res-Q Ointment. I swear, this smelly green stuff can cure anything.

I thought I was home free until this morning when I went to pick up the overflowing wastebasket in my bathroom. I sliced the opposite hand with the broken glass that was perched on the top.

Do I try to clot it or do I call 911? Well, I'm already dressed and I am having a good hair day...