I SAID, I'm NOT angry!

As you know, I work for a large healthcare institution here in Cleveland and I manage a staff of 24. Two-thirds of them work in direct patient care and the rest are administrative support staff. The group is comprised of a variety of races, ethnicities and ages. Initially, what attracted me to the department was the longevity of most of the employees;a rarity in this day and age.

Like a family, the more time you spend together, the more you develop your own dynamic. I would like to say that we run like a well-oiled machine and most of the time, we do a pretty good job. However, like any family, ours can be a little, well, dysfunctional at times.

There are days when I feel like I spend more of my time telling people to play nice in the sandbox than manage them.



So when I saw a listing for an Anger Management workshop, I called the counselor who was presenting it and asked him if it was directed toward people with anger management problems or if I would benefit from having to deal with people who have anger management issues.

"Well, no one's ever really asked me that before but I supppose you would glean some helpful information about interacting with people who have anger issues."

"Great, sign me up!"

Since the class was on the other side of the campus, I made sure to allow myself time to get lost as I often do. You would think that after 3 years, I would have a pretty good idea of the lay of the land.

Not so.

Whenever I see people holding a piece of paper and staring up at the directional signs around the institution, it takes everything in me to not turn around and head in the other direction.

Inevitably, they'll ask me where a department is that I've never even heard of and I look like an idiot.

"Um, I think there's a visitor's desk at the end of this hallway. They can help you out."

As I'm walking away, I'm thinking to myself, "Or was it that hallway?"

This time I got to the class right on time and was ushered into a small conference room with a table that seated six people. I introduced myself to the facilitator, took a seat and started to review the materials in front of me. The class was to start at 10:00 and it was now 10:05.

"Okay, some people may be running a little late so let's go ahead and get started. I want to be sure to get you out on time."

I had to look down so he wouldn't see the "what the fu@#?" look on my face. Do you know how many people were in this class?

Well, let's see...counting me...that would be......ONE!

I expected him to say that since I didn't really need to be there that he would call me the next time a class was scheduled. So much for sitting back and not participating.

It actually turned out okay. For the FOUR WEEKS that it lasted.

I did pull some helpful information out and I was able to digress a little and talk about a few of the items on my list of "issues". He was actually quite impressed that I had come so far and turned out so "normal" given my upbringing and subsequent abusive relationship. I guess he also doesn't realize what a great actress I became!

I didn't have the heart to tell him about the strap-ons or switching teams or vampirism or swinger parties or cross-dressing boyfriends or eager beaver vibrators or smoking catnip.

He was proud of me. And it felt good!

Look....you work through your past, your way and I'll work through my past, my way.

And now I know that if I'm ever feeling the urge to lose my cool, I should:


**Stop and pet a dog (as opposed to kicking one)

**Blow bubbles (as opposed to blowing some S.O.B)

**Say hello to a stranger (as opposed to "Fu@# off" if they look at me wrong)

**Kiss my spouse (since I don't have one, for the record, kissing other people's spouses works too)

Anger management is fun!

What do you do to not lose your cool?