Suck this!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

I finally took the time to weed and mulch in front of my house. I picked the hottest day of the year but it was oddly therapeutic to dig my hands in the dirt (sans gloves) and whack! whack! whack! those weeds out. I'm still not able to stand in an upright position yet but I'm sure that will come with time.

My father is quite the stickler about the yard and since he isn't able to do his this year, I headed over there to weed, plant flowers and mulch after I finished my house.

My pretty little angel windchime that clinks under my bedroom window

My sister was pretty impressed with what a good job I did and asked me if I would help her with a bed in her backyard.

Sure, I say, No problem!

Well, I went last Friday night and I decided to take Bernie with me. Big mistake since my placid, sweet Bernie turns into Cujo around Lisa's dog, Stewie. I can't really blame her, though. We older bitches get total attitudes when we're around someone younger and perkier.

Where was I going with this?

Oh, right! Mosquitoes.

So Lisa tells me that I better stop around 8:00 because the mosquitoes will start to come out in droves.

"No problem!", I say. I keep weeding.

The next morning, I woke up with no fewer than 15 mosquito bites. Six were on my ass. I jokingly thought, well at least someone wants to get close to my ass. Then I remembered that only female mosquitoes bite and not males. Maybe Mother Nature got wind of my latent homosexual tendencies and is trying to tell me something.

Did you know that when a female bites, she injects you with an anticoagulant so that your blood won't clot as she's sucking it down?

It also keeps the blood from clotting in her stomach since she needs the protein in your blood to mature her eggs.

No one is really certain why some people are more prone to mosquito bites than others but one theory is that larger people tend to attract them because they release more carbon dioxide which the mosquitoes detect.

Shut it! I know I'm larger.

The males die three to five days after mating while a female can live up to two months and lays 100-300 eggs every third day.

Kinda makes you have a new found respect for mosquitoes doesn't it?

NAHHHHHH!!! Kill the bastards. I mean, bitches.


  1. Now hat you are done you can head over here and do some yard work for me, lol.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  2. I love getting my hands dirty/greasy. Sometimes that no-brainer work is good for you.

    As for the skeeters. Lucky six.

  3. OMG....I was laughing my ass off through this whole post!

    "Maybe Mother Nature got wind of my latent homosexual tendencies and is trying to tell me something."


    You KILL ME, woman!

    Oddly enough, I'm one of those people who mosquitoes do not bite.

    Love the angel wind chime.

  4. I used to have a huge garden in Iowa when we lived there, and it was so SATISFYING to have a weed pulling day.

  5. I think that's more of a woodland nymph than an angel, Chrissie, and their devilry is likely the source of your mosquito bites.

  6. @Redbonegirl97,
    Me and my ho are on our way! Or should that be, my ho and I?

    @Simply Suthern,
    I think I found a new hobby. God knows I have a big enough back yard to work on.

    They don't bite you, really? That's fascinating. Do bees come after you? You're like the magic ingredient, Deet, in bug spray.

    Isn't angel sweet? And she has the sweetest tinkling sound.

    I never knew. I better curb my excitement before the fact that I like weeding gets around.

    @C. Andres Alderete,
    Well,thanks, you would be the expert.


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