Don't get me started

Thursday, July 8, 2010

So you know me...the perpetual yo-yo dieter, always looking for the next diet that will be "The One". I guess I've given up looking for "That" One and turned to the perfect diet, instead.

I remember being a 26 year old young 'un, working for Jenny Craig and doling out diet advice to middle aged women while my co-worker and I split a cake in the spare counseling office. In all fairness, it was only a half 10" cake so don't be a hater.

I guess that's coming back to bite me in the ass, though, because I used to shake my head and wonder what those 40-something's were whining about. They claimed they couldn't lose weight but I was sure they were probably closet eating while lamenting about their hubby's hot, young assistant.

Hello! 26 year old, Chrissy?

You're an asshole.

You'll see, my friend. Just wait until you turn 40.

Hot guys won't be posing with you on the beach anymore but the Save the Whales organization may solicit you for a case study.

You won't be eating any half cakes while feigning sympathy for women counting the days until their periods stop.

No Pepperoni Lovers Pan Pizzas for Supersizing.

And do you know why?

Because you will BE supersized!

And do you know why?

Neither do I but I sure as shit wish someone would tell me!

Sonofabitch! I don't even remember where this was going...

See, young Chrissy? Your memory goes, too. Read it and weep, my friend.


  1. Look in the mirror again my darling. You are beautiful.

  2. Hmmm. I wonder what I'll be bitching about when I'm 40-something. The weather? I complain so much already.

  3. I wish I were the size I was when I thought I was fat.

    Don't fret...You're more beautiful now than when you were 26!

  4. Geez Girl, you are spiraling. Take a breath.

    You are drop dead gorgeous.

  5. I have to chime in with the others here and say....



    But hey, is that really you with those two muffins standing next to you?



  6. LOL, noooooooooo, don't tell me this.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  7. I definitely is a bitch getting older. BUT ... it's way better than the alternative!

  8. @Middle child,
    You're too kind. :-)

    C. Andres Alderete,
    You'll probably be complaining about how damn handsome you still are.

    OMG, isn't that the absolute truth? If I was only as thin as I thought I was fat. Did that come out right?

    @Simply Suthern,
    You know, I really am. One one thousand....two one thousand....

    Thanks. Yes, that was me at 19. You can tell because I had the permed hair that I had put into Chrissy Snow ponytails that are sticking up.

    Don't worry, Tiffany. I'm sure none of these things will happen to YOU. :-)

    That's the bitch of it. I love getting older, I'm just bummed by what's happening to my body!

  9. lol - yes, if only we could go back in time and just stay there

  10. 26 year old Chrissy sounds a lot like 30 year old Becky. Up until I turned 41 I weighed what I weighed in high school. My father always told me it would catch up with me some day, and I always laughed in his face.

    Guess who's laughing now? Not me.

  11. @DrowseyMonkey,
    Yes, but with what we know NOW. :-)

    Isn't it awful? I never thought it would happen to me, either. :-(


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