Secondhand Sunday

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I'm re-posting a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


Original Post Date, August 8, 2009

I needed to call Home Depot a few days ago. I reached for the phone to call information and I thought, Why waste the money to call 411 when I can just look it up in a phone book?

I went into the kitchen to get one and I pulled out the first one in a pile of phone books that were in the drawer.

Here we go. White pages in front, yellow in the back. I checked the white pages first. Home Depot.

Guess I'll check the yellow pages in the back.

Hardware Store....nope

Home Improvement....nope

What the heck? What else could it be under?

Paint? nope

Lumber? nope

Okay, I wasn't going to find it there so I pulled out the next phone book.

This one was yellow pages in the front, white in the back.

Again, I checked the white first.


I flipped it shut to check out the title. Maybe I was looking at a residential book. Nope. "Greater Cleveland Business Listings."

I opened it again but this time to the yellow pages in the front.

Hardware store....nope

Home improvement....yes! Home Depot! But there was only one listed and this one was 35 minutes away. My Home Depot is 3 miles up the road.

I flipped it shut again to see if I was looking at a westside book. I live on the eastside. Nope. "Greater-Cleveland-Business-Listings."

Well, it wasn't in there so I pulled out the next book. "Heights area and Surrounding Communities." That's me! I'm Heights Area and Surrounding Communities. Jackpot!

This one was all white pages. Easy enough.

H....Hanson....Herman....Heisley....wait a minute! These were all proper names. I closed the book to check the cover.

"Heights Area and Surrounding Communities
Residential Listings

Son of a bitch!

I threw the phone book on the floor and pulled the next one out, titled "The Real Yellow Pages." Well, it's about damn time.

I was feeling confident so I started with the yellow pages instead of the alphabetical white ones this time. I had luck with Home Improvement before so that was where I began.

H....H-A.....H-E.....H-O....Home Improvement. Home Depot! And there were lots of them.

Mmmmm....not my store....not my store....closer, but no.....nope.....where's that?....nope.

Son of a bitch!

It had to be in there somewhere. These were "The REAL Yellow Pages!"

H.....H-A....Hardware....Home Depot! There were a few more listed so mine must be here.

Mmmmmm....nope, not that still open?.....nope....

Son of a bitch!

I took ALL of the phone books out and threw them on the floor.

I couldn't take it anymore. What happened to TWO phone books? One residential and one business? Why can't I find a goddamn phone number??

I broke down.

"Information? What number, please?"

"Oh God, I can't remember. Let me call you back."


  1. Hi Chrissy!!

    Toooo funnY!!!! I've done something similar, though not as elaborate years ago.. not wanting to pay the charge for the 411 call.. I couldn't find the number either and got soooo frustrated!!! It may cost money to call, but it's worth it, isn't that true!!!

  2. getting phone numbers is difficult anymore. Sometimes I have to resort to


  3. I have felt your pain. Can't remember the last time I opened a phone book. We found another one of the local business phone books in the driveway yesterday. Straight to the recycle bin. We get 6-8 different versions a year. People dont even pick them up out of their yards anymore. We have a laptop in the kitchen by the phone and surf "THE REAL WEB PAGES"

  4. First I'd like to say that I LOVE the new layout! Very shiek! This post cracked me up bc I've been there. There's nothing more frustrating than trying to find a damn number in those things. Who writes phone books? Are they stupid or are they just trying to frustrate us? I mean seriously do you have to be a rocket scientist to be able to figure out what category your listing falls into? Love the pic of Lilly Tomlin too, that was the greatest role she ever played!

  5. Hey Chrissy! I went through exactly the same rigmarole two days ago, with two extra books I didn't even know I had. Bastards. So, Google, click, call. Piece of cake. A pox on phone books. Indigo

  6. I keep most of the phone books that I find on the door step. I have to hide them, because TW doesn't want to see them around.
    But, I never use them. I always go on line first.
    store locations
    I never think of 411. I'm shy about talking on phone.


  7. Oh, I forgot to tell you.
    I really like your new look.

  8. @Leesa,
    So true! I think I learned my lesson.

    @R. Jacob,
    Too far away.

    Yes, it makes no sense.

    Thank you, kind sir!

    @Simply Suthern,
    I was too lazy to go upstairs to my computer.

    Thanks! I'm really happy with how it turned out. Wasn't Lily Tomlin the best?

    I know. Hindsight is 20/20.

    @Gregory J,
    Good plan. Online for me next time.

    Thanks! :-)


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