Nope, not me

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

So you know how I've been lamenting over my weight for the last year? Well, actually the last 31 years, but you haven't know me that long. In the past 10 months, I've probably gained another 10 pounds on top of the 15 that have already crept on over the last few years.

My sister insists that my weight gain can be attributed to being perimenopausal. That means PRE-menopause. I refuse to accept that and since I don't accept blame for my behavior, I'm certain that I must have some type of medical condition that is making me gain all this weight.

No, I don't believe that the fact that I eat cookies and candy every day and exercise once a month has anything to do with it. It must be powers beyond my control. So I called my doctor last week.

"Dr. Banes' office, how may I help you?'

"I have to see the doctor so she can figure out why I'm gaining so much weight. It must be the medication she put me on at the beginning of the year."

"When would you like to come in?"

"Can I come today? How about today? I'm not getting any thinner."

So I went in last Wednesday and she really was surprised by my weight.

"You're usually thin and fit. I've never seen you weigh this much."

"Um, yeah, that's why I'm here."

We discussed my eating habits, the medication I'm taking and my current level of physical activity. She decided to do some tests to rule out any pituitary or thyroid issues.

I called today to get my results.

I'm not really sure what the medical term is for my condition but I'll spell it out in layman's terms for you.

I'm F-A-T.

Told ya it wasn't my fault!


  1. I started cutting down on the amount of food after I saw my dog get fit. The dog lost 8 lbs or so after I reduced his food portions by about 1/3 . Two weeks later he looked a lot better and had more energy. Of course he doesn't know about cookies or ice cream or cake. He doesn't drink alcohol either.



  2. No way. I'm sure you're not F-A-T.

    You're probably just a little F-L-U-F-F-Y.

    So, maybe try getting a haircut.


  3. I've gained about 20 pounds over the last 5 years and I'm pissed about it too. I'm post menopausal so I blame it on that but I think it's really the wine and french fries.

  4. I do have a Thyroid problem, and I "always" blame it on that (even though I can't walk by a dish of candy without popping one in every time, plus the fact I only "think" about exercise!)

  5. I'm 41 about to be 42. Exact same thing happened to me. There's this new thing called the butt pellet (not it's scientific name I'm sure) that all the women in my circle are getting. You get your hormones tested and then replenish what you're low on with a nice little pellet inserted in your booty. Normal levels of testosterone for a woman are 150 to 200. Mine was 14! After getting my pellets my energy is up, my weight is going down, my muscle tone has improved and my sex drive is WAY up. I'm just sayin'.

  6. Please let us know if you find out how to treat the condition... :-)

  7. I love the kid at school who asked me, "Why are you plump?" Plump sounds so much better than fat! I keep thinking I must have hypo-thyroid, but the tests just keep coming back saying my thyroid is normal. Damn!

  8. You ladies crack me up. "Oh, no, I've gained ten pounds over the last five years."

    Ten pounds? I can do that in a three-day weekend.

  9. awww poor you Chrissy, it must suck to get Fateiosis acummulatus... I've heard the treatment is absolutely gruesome! Exercise *cringe*, and some torture technique they call a 'diet' where they allow no candy whatsoever... what's this world coming to?! *runs away screaming*

  10. WOW! Not that I have every seen you before .. but somehow, I can't envision you with extra "fluff!" Ever since I have been living in France, I have definitely put on some fluff... I just can't understand it... But, I hate it... and only blame myself, too!!
    I was NEVER like this in San Diego.. where I was careful about what I ate and exercised daily and did a lot of various exercises... God... I MISS my other body... I can relate totally to what you just wrote!!
    Hugs to you,

  11. Don't worry pet,fat birds are sexy!Have a wonderful Christmas.Simon

  12. I did the same thing a couple of years ago. I thought it may be a thyroid problem as well. Uh...NOT! I also have the evil condition of F-A-T!

  13. did I just read butt pellet above!!i thought she was talking about something to lift your butt..not put in it..!!Found you through..oh shit i forgot..Nice to meet you..!!im following..!!


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