Lessons in cougar love

Monday, December 14, 2009


Every time I see Demi Moore with Ashton Kutcher, I shudder a little at what she must have to do to keep herself looking young and fresh. Well, well preserved, at least.

Now he might be really in love with her for who she is and it won't matter when things start heading south but if that's so, I'm guessing that he's the exception to the rule.

For those young hotties who are thinking of tasting the sweet nectar of an older woman, let me spell it out for you so there are no surprises.

~ We prefer the missionary position because it makes our faces look younger when everything falls backward. Being on top is not an option unless the power is out and/or you are legally blind.

~ When we're cuddling afterward and you feel a sudden rush of heat coming from us, no, we're not ready to do it again. We're just having a hot flash.

~ We really don't think it's "so hot" to be completely hair free down there. We just don't want you to see our gray pubes.

Arise, go forth and conquer!

20 comments

  1. This is just perfect. I love these...

    I also like to spoon with me behind my man, so he doesn't feel my belly when it's 'relaxed'.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. yup,ashton is one of the exception.he is not just a toy boy. absolutely. owh now i am jealous!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I still love it when he tastes my sweet nectar. In any position.

    Secretia

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is why I'm thankful to be married to an older man because regardless of my age, I still look WAY better than he does!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Alas, I am too old for your average age cougar!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Like Mr. Jacob, I'm a bit past "hottie" status. I'm more of a cranky Mr. Bobcat for Mrs. Cougar. I retain some of my youthful charm (I hope). Indigo

    ReplyDelete
  7. LOL. This is hysterical...and kind of hot for some reason.

    ReplyDelete
  8. We prefer the missionary position because it makes our faces look younger when everything falls backward.

    OMG... that reminds me of a Golden Girl episode when Blanche said the same thing!!!

    We really don't think it's "so hot" to be completely hair free down there. We just don't want you to see our gray pubes.

    Bwhahahahahahahhahaha!

    That was hysterical!

    Great post, Chrissy!

    You courgar, you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Isn't a touch of grey distinguished?

    ReplyDelete
  10. LoL* Nice!! Hot flashes... *giggles*

    ReplyDelete
  11. I would never admit this to anyone but myself and my boyfriend, but I purposely only date men at least 10 years older than me for this reason. As I start to age, I always want to be "the younger woman" to him. It's sad that at 23 I even think about this shit, but our society is so youth obsessed it's impossible not to.

    I am interested to see what happens to Ashton and Demi's relationship once she hits late 50s/ early 60s and even plastic surgery isn't going to be able to keep her looking 30. In my heart I would like to believe that true love is blind, but I know that, sadly, that's not the way people are wired.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Also, I despise the term cougar. It implies that any female older than what...35? who has a sex life is some kind of predatory animal. Puhlease. I plan to be doing it til the day I die, and nobody better call me a Cougar while I'm at it!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Aw, honey! You really know how to show us in our best light! So very kind of you to give all the boy-toys a virtual tour of "ourtown"....

    But, we'll keep 'em laughing...won't we?? 'Cause wit we've got....and STUPID, we're NOT!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I could have written this myself girlfriend. So true. So true.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The young ones aren't that interested in me - but the old guys- WHOO HOO!!!!

    Apparently sagging boobs and greying *ahem* hairs, a turn on for the over 80 set.

    I have therefore dubbed myself with a new title: Alleycat.

    MEOW ;)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Fabulous post, I agree with M what's up with the guys with pensions undressing me with their cataract covered eyes.

    Maybe 50 years ago in their time I would have considered it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes, the shaving becomes more difficult as we age because we have more places to rid of the gray! And there are certain spots that hair color just doesn't go! LOL. Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bizarre. My Nether regions are one of the few areas which still retain their original colour! Which is one reason that despite being urged to trim and shave I've not done so. And why is "It'll make it look bigger!" supposed to make me want to do it? Is there some hidden message here?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Maven,

    Alleycat -- pure genius.

    Chrissy,

    ~ We prefer the missionary position because it makes our faces look younger when everything falls backward. Being on top is not an option unless the power is out and/or you are legally blind.

    When will women learn that if you get us (far less choosy) men that far, we have long ago past the event horizon/point of no return. Do you honestly think a man will take a woman back to his place, see her less-than-taut stomach, put his erection away and go home? When it comes to sex every man is George W. Bush: he doesn't pull out until the job is done.

    It seems to me that saying things like that contradicts one of the main rules of being a stripper: confidence. You put on a sexy outfit, you work the pole and you take his money; and, if you have to, you get on stage in front of a bunch of men you've never met and do the same to them as well.

    Toolbit out.

    ReplyDelete

C'mon, you know you want to say it..

Blogger Template created by Just Blog It