Secondhand Sunday

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I'm re-posting a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


Original Post Date, January 21, 2009

It's interesting, because I have friends who've been married a few times and have dated about as many men in their lifetimes as I did the year I was 25. I guess I was sowing my oats, although I don't think they call it that when girls do it.

What would be more appropriate?

Whoring around, maybe?

I think the whole notion alludes to the fact that all this pent up sexual energy must be exhausted so that one can get it "out of their systems" and settle down. I don't know about you, but if I'm doing something pleasurable, I don't get to the point where I'm DONE. I just want more.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't spend the 80's in an eternal state of promiscuity. I did date a lot but I was looking for someone to love me when I was unable to love myself. Cliche, maybe, but true. I was so pissed off at the world and I thought that being pretty was enough to offer someone. I had no idea who I was and I was terrified of finding out.

I dated some really great guys but the timing was wrong. I've heard through the grapevine about some and where they're at today:


Married with kids...



Yes, gay. Which explains the size 12 skirt I found in his closet. I thought he was cheating on me with a fat chick until one day, for some reason, I laid the skirt on top of his jeans and it all made sense. But those are stories for another day.

It's amazing how being my age and never married is more of a social stigma than being divorced. People assume that there must be something wrong me.

Who am I kidding? They're right.

But still... They shouldn't assume.

I was on the phone with a woman who works at one of our satellite offices and she said, "You know, I just realized I don't know anything about you."

And I said, "Well, what do you want to know?

"Have you ever been married?"


"Do you have any kids?"


"Well, are you dating anyone now? You wear a ring. Are you engaged?"

"Nope. Not engaged."

Do you know what she said to me?

"Oh my gosh. How sad. I'm so sorry for you."

What the hell?? Oh my gosh. How sad. I'm so sorry for you. I didn't even know how to respond. I said, "Don't be sad for me. I've got a great life."

"Okay. Sure. I'm so sorry..."

And that's what bugs the crap out of me. Sure, sometimes I sit back and say, "Oh my. I'm 42 and I've never been married." But does it really matter? It's hard to not let society make you feel like you should be something you're not.

I must admit, though, I do worry about becoming one of those crazy cat ladies. You know the type: never married, no children, wears sensible shoes.

Oh, God, I wear sensible shoes.

Instead of children, they have a minimum of four cats and they all have names that start with Mister. "Here comes Mr. Bojangles. Get off the couch, Mr. Pufferbelly, you're messing Mommy's afghan."

I don't know. Now I'm just rambling. I'm telling you..I shoulda been a stripper....


  1. Agree... Why stop something that gives you pleasure? More is more, I say!


  2. When you like your life, screw what anyone else thinks!


  3. Good morning! I'm here getting caught up on my post holiday blog reading. Is there coffee?

  4. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! (It keeps the cats at bay.)

  5. That woman needs to pop in the Sex and the City DVD with the episode titled: A Woman's Right to Shoes. Have you seen it? The theme is about how us single gals DO have a life. A man and child (marriage) do NOT define us.

    I love that you re-post on Sundays. I get to catch up on your amazing posts and learn more about my class-act-superstar new friend. :)

    PS: Between you and I, we could own an OAT factory.



  6. Never too late to become a stripper...

  7. Oh my GOODNESS!

    ..seems I can't get away from Secretia...

  8. the important thing is that you love your life... and someday maybe your cats

  9. Yeah I agree with everyone. I have 2 kids and I have never been married. I have people at my daughters school asking me about my Husband. I tell them I don't have one. They look like something is wrong with me. My problem is I love men, I hate living with one. I just can't seem to do it. Maybe one day....

  10. Generally I think you are looking at things the right way. I think it is the wrong framework to define yourself by your relationships.


C'mon, you know you want to say it..

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