Top ten reasons I'll never be The Bachelorette

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Bachelorette team is in town looking for the next Bachelorette for the ABC reality show. These are the reason why I'll never make the cut.

1. Hell would freeze over before I would wear a bathing suit on national TV.

2. All the contestants would withdraw after they met my family.

3. I gave all my evening gowns to the Goodwill.

4. I would feel the need to emasculate the weak.

5. No hot blonde girls to pick from.

6. I'm too smart.

7. Hot tubs give me the willies.

8. When a potential mate's mother asks me,"So what do you like about our Ronnie"? I would have to respond, "He passed the background check."

9. I couldn't be away from my dog that long.

And the #1 reason that I'll never be The Bachelorette

Hi-def TV


  1. Funny, but you shouldn't sell yourself short. Every bachelor wants a bachelorette who should have been a stripper...assuming, of course, there are no ACTUAL strippers in the competition.

  2. I cannot disagree with any of these which is why I won't be the first Aging Bachelorette!!!!

  3. Oh honey I'm with you on the high def thing. Also I could never get into all the bitch shit with the other girls.

  4. Hey Chrissy, hi-def is an insidious force. One of the NFL's head coaches, mentioning no names *cough* Saints *cough* wears far too much makeup for hi-def coverage. He has his eyebrows shaped too. Not sure he'd look good in a bikini, mind... Indigo

  5. I so get #7. Ugh. Unless it's my very own hot tub, in my very own pool, I so don't want to get in. All sorts of bacteria could be floating around in there. Creepy.

  6. I agree with you on #1 - I only wear bathing suits when I'm on holidays in a foreign country, where I don't speak the language and my chance to understanding what other tourists are saying about me are non-existent.

  7. These are GREAT! *applause* Well done!


  8. We have a great show tonight! Say hello to Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra!

  9. Chrissy,

    They really should have a MILF reality television show, if they don't already. Instead of handing out a rose, you hand out flasks of whiskey aged 18 years -- just the way you like.

    Toolbit out.

  10. I would say for #2.. they would chuckle and say thats nothing... your not American if they weren't.

  11. I'd never wear a bikini on national TV either. Strangely I've never been asked.

  12. -----+--@@@@
    a rose for you awaits any time in my someday corvette!

  13. Don't worry about Hi-Def TV, you've got your High Definition Make-up Forever!

    I didn't know they were in town. Now if they come out with a REAL Reality show with over 40's, you and me...let's go stand in line.

  14. But it's all your choice, you Could be on there if you wanted to!


  15. Aww too funny!
    Yeah, my contestants would hightail it too if they met my mother. They would surely need therapy. :)

  16. Personally, I think Bernie would make you even more of a "catch".

  17. # 11: You're not that hard up !

  18. hilarious! I myself am married, but if I were still single, I would never be able to fight on national tv for the affections of some man. Especially if I knew he was making out with/sexing up the other contestants. it's fun to watch, but never participate!


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