Secondhand Sunday

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I've decided to make Sundays my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I thought I would re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


Original Post Date, January 6, 2009

Let me give you a little insight into why I’m single. I just received a text message from a 41 year old guy that I met on a few months ago. I’ve been on and off for a few years now. Okay 7 years, but who’s counting?

Well, one day I came across a banner ad touting this FREE dating site. And you know how much I like free so I thought I would give it a try.

I haven’t really dated much in a few years. My most recent relationships were with guys I met on line who were about 10 years older than me. The last serious one broke up with me in an email after 10 months. Yep. Email. Ten months. He was 45.

I became casually acquainted with this girl at work last year and through conversations, we realized we were both the same age. (I would guess I was younger, but I digress)

I had single guy friends and she had single guy friends so we figured let’s throw everyone in a room and see if anything sticks, so to speak. We went out right before Valentine’s Day, sort of an anti-Valentine’s Day gathering. I wasn’t really interested in meeting anyone, I was more excited about seeing my friends.

Long story, short, I met this great guy and we went out for a few months. We really connected and I loved spending time with him. I’m past planning my wedding by the second date and I don’t go into things with unrealistic expectations. I knew he really wasn’t over his ex girlfriend but we were having fun so I wasn’t worried about how long it might last. We seemed to have found a great level of friendship and mutual respect. And he was hot.

Then he broke up with me in a email. An email. A 42 year old man broke up with me in an email. It was sort of convoluted in its message. "I want to take a little time for myself and see where I'm at.....I care about you and respect you".....I even sent it to my sister, Lisa, and said. “Did he just break up with me?’ ‘Um, yes. Yes, he did.” A few email exchanges later revealed that the real reason was that he wasn't over the last chick. Well, then just say that.

I thought men were evolving, getting more in touch with their feelings, being more communicative. Um, no. No, they’re not. And this information age just makes it easier for wimpy men to be wimpier.

Back to the text I got tonight. I met this manly man firefighter in September-ish and we went out a few times. I got the feeling that he wasn’t really into me and he proved it by disappearing for long stretches only to text me “What’s up?” a month later.

If you want to go out, say “Would you like to go out?” Don’t ask me all these questions around the question you want to ask.

Emails…text messages…I can’t take it anymore. Pick up the damn phone! You’re on the phone texting anyway. I blame the feminists for this. I’m as independent as they come, but c’mon, a little chivalry is nice and romance is very flattering. I’m afraid we’ve created men who are afraid we’ll say no and more afraid we’ll say yes. I half expect a guy to pull my hair in line at the grocery store if he’s interested.

This is why I spend so much time with my dog, Bernie. I can say "Bernie and I had a great weekend. Bernie and I went to the Hamptons" and no one is the wiser. Well, we haven't actually gone to the Hamptons , but it's our dream. You get my point.


  1. Getting dumped by email... sounds like something that would happen to me!

  2. Ahhh. Ain't life grand? I've so been there - have been for most my adult life. I actually thought about writing a book about all my, eh hem.. experiences. Most were on line also. You and I should brainstorm. I think anyone who liked the TV show Seinfeld would be able to tap in to the dry humor of it all. Have you ever seen the Sex and the City episode where Miranda was explaining she was broken up with by her guys's DOORMAN? You just have to laugh. After the initial pain and humilation subsides, naturally.

    I just turned 41 and have only begun dating my guy now (started in February) and we were friend fr about a year before 'the light' went off. We shall see where the road takes, me but one thing I know for sure, Chrissy... the ride is never dull.

    Let's talk writing project!!! =) I will email you.

  3. I really enjoyed this and am glad you're re-posting on Sundays. You've inspired me to do so myself. Meanwhile, loving also the comment above re: Sex in the City.

  4. Email breakup, a courageous guy!

  5. Whatever happened to the cavemen? At least they were obvious & to the point of what they wanted! Once they're husbands they're not much better at letting y ou know what they want. You pretty much have to be psychic. Men just suck most of the time.

  6. If there is one thing I have learned about men, it is that they hate confrontation and will avoid it at all costs, even the "tough" ones. I once dated an ex marine/cop who just stopped returning my calls instead of telling me he didn't want to see me anymore. A MARINE was afraid of telling me he didn't want to see me anymore. Sheesh. I thought those guys weren't supposed to be afraid of anything.

  7. Today's technology lets people take the lazy way out in several media. It used to be that phone calls were required since the only other option was doing it in person. Now you can phone, e-mail, text, IM, twitter, skype, myspace, facebook,leave a comment on a blog.

  8. Guys that act like that, grown men, are gutless and imature.

  9. But if you do say it to their face, never say: It's not you, its me.
    Just tell em straight: Look, it's you,it's all you, please leave me alone.

  10. Your wonderful dog sounds like more of a man than these other guys. Plus, he's probably housetrained, which is more than I can say for men in general.

  11. I have done the internet dating thing too, but it's rubbish! It's just too scary and I have yet to meet someone free of issues... And yes, those awful 40-something playboys who are all over the place emotionally, I have encountered too. No more!!!!


  12. LOL Chrissy, this post made me laugh because I can absolutely relate!

    I have dated a bit (hehe) over the last few years and have run in to many of the same problems.

    I've given up, as a matter of fact. If a man is going to be in my life, he has got to seriously impress me. If he doesn't have some cojones? Not interested. He's not going to be a good match for me so I won't waste my time. (or his, come to that.)

    Jimmy the dog, on the other hand... he is my best friend and I would go to the ends of the world for and with him. We do so many things together and it sure does help to avoid getting lonely! :o)

  13. Email breakups fall into the same category as Jon Gosselin...DOUCHEBAG DOINGS

    love ur blog, keep it up!

  14. Hmm. This isn't meant in defence of the EX, but I think that men - whilst undoubtedly more likely to dump via email - would also be a lot more open to BEING dumped by email. We like things to be clean and clinical. And generally we don't like confrontation; leave us be.

    First time reader by the way - really liking the writings.


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