I always worry when my friend Angela is going to pick up something that she found advertised on Craigslist. When I finally went with her on that expedition at the hoarder's, that just confirmed it. Weird character in a shady house in a bad neighborhood. You just never know.
I'm pretty tall at 5'9" and I feel pretty confident that I could take someone out if they tried to attack me.
Unless, of course, it required any kind of upper body strength. Then I'm screwed.
But Angela is very petite. She's not quite get her own reality show short, but she's under 5' tall.
She needed a weapon.
Okay, so maybe not a gun but some sort of self protection.
I jumped on eBay to see what was available.
Brass knuckles - She wouldn't be able to knuckle 'em any higher than their knee. That won't work.
Ninja throwing knife - Too much work. You need to take it OUT of the sheath....it's a whole thing.
Tomahawk knife - I think there might be the no upper body strength issue here.
The intimidating necklace - Mmm....I'm thinkin' no. Did I mention she's 4 feet somethin'? Although, now that I think about it, she does scare me sometimes.
I decided on pepper spray but all the pepper spray looked too much like, well, pepper spray. It just didn't appeal to me so I decided on the pepper spray that looks like lipstick and since they were 2 for 1, I got one for myself.
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It looked pretty true to size online until I got it in the mail.
It looks like lipstick for Donatella Versace. Or Janice from the Muppets.
Coming soon - Chrissy accidentally sprays herself in the face.
Howyadoin Chrissy?,
ReplyDeleteWell, it could pass for a perfume spray. If you are worried against gassing yourself, you could abstain from the cosmetic war paint, and just carry the designer cayenne spray. If nothing, Little Girl, you still have a sense of humour; but with beyond a touch of paranoia; but as an historian, and a student of behavior, even if Paul Revere was a raving paranoid schizophrenic, the BRITISH WERE STILL COMING. O, my!
@S,
ReplyDeleteYou're right, it actually could pass for perfume! I wonder how damaging it would be if I just sprayed my neck.
This post is freakin' hilarious!
ReplyDeleteChrissy, I love the necklace! It looks like a necklace that the wife of Mr. T would wear!
"It looks like lipstick for Donatella Versace. Or Janice from the Muppets."
Bwhahahahahaha!
I like the idea of the pepper spray disguised as something else, but you're right, the size doesn't look like a tube of lipstick. It's look more like a perfume atomizer.
Fun post!!!
@Ron,
ReplyDeleteIsn't that necklace crazy? What's even crazier is that someone will actually buy it!
Ya know, They sell lipstick and small flashlights that are tasers.
ReplyDeleteYou might wanna stay away from those. Especially near stairs.
@Simply Suthern,
ReplyDeleteThey do?!?! eBay, here I come...
Thanks for the laugh! You can't even mention pepper spray over here in the UK and talk of the implications for actually using it start to get annoying. Even the suggestion of what 'device' to use re self-protecting is frowned at... God forbid you risk actually hurting your attacker.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to have a taser though - how cool SS.
@Jody,
ReplyDeleteIt does seem like most laws protect the criminals. Simply Suthern sent me a link for tasers (how did I not think of that?) and this was my favorite. LEGAL in my state, I might add. Probably until I actually use it.
http://www.thehomesecuritysuperstore.com/flashlight-stun-guns-lipstick-stun-flashlight-pink-3m-sg-gde3000pk-p=3953
Hell-o Chrissy,
DeleteIt depends on how one defines 'criminals'. Well one is correct if one is talking about class. How many Wall Street financiers, other than Bernie Madoff have gone to prison this century? Dick Cheney walks the streets, as does George Zimmerman, and other georges.
I doubt if there is one prosecutor in the country that is not upset if he doesn't have a 100% conviction rate. Police never apologise for mistakes, even when they kill the unarmed, or a bystandeer. Some people defend cops no matter what the circumstances (i have never seen an union officer defend his brothers as does the FOP), unless like the incident in North Ridgeville? when an animal control officer(and retired policeman)shot some feral kittens, some of the public wanted his head as did the television news.
The United States has both the most prisoners and the highest percentage of the population in prison of any country in the world.
I do not believe the laws protect criminals as a general rule (i do believe that ridiculous cases do occur when that statement applies, and often those are touted as typical). After one is arrested, the weight of the entire government is weighed against him, often only the very rich can afford to match resources. I do believe that police and prosecutors are not interested in some cases, and criminals get away with horrid behaviour, but once the cop is interested the suspect or 'perp' or 'person of interest' doesn't have a chance. The 'justice' system is suspect, the application of enforcement is irregular.
Anatole France, «La majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain.» — Le Lys Rouge. 1894
“In its majestic equality, the law forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets and steal loaves of bread.” — The Red Lily.
@S,
ReplyDeleteTell me how you really feel. :-)
Hell-o Chrissy,
ReplyDeleteThat must be a common idiomatic expression/statement, although i have never uttered it. I have been asked that question, repeatedly, i think from grade school, at least from high school. But where it is costly, is when it is heard in employment. The fellow at work who is safest, is the one no one much notices. I should have not unloaded, but sometimes i engage trip wires, and the response is reflexive (also reflective) and automatic. One sentence, that i have said, several times is, "Uh o, did i say that out loud?"