Monday Morning Chrissy's Boobs

Monday, August 12, 2013

I think I've mentioned to you guys before how when I was in my 20's, I went for a breast augmentation (aka BOOB JOB) consultation. My sister was well endowed in that area and my family always joked that I got my father's boobs. I wasn't ridiculously small at 34-36B but when my family members were in the double letter category, how could I not feel inadequate?
I had major boob envy.
I never did have the surgery. Can't remember if it was fear, lack of funds or both. Over the years as the Wonderbra and other modern inventions of boobie enhancement evolved, I never really thought about it again. 
My mother was a Double Something and I remember trying on a strapless dress that she wore in her early 20's. I could barely zip the back up and I couldn't figure out how she could go from that to baZOOM. She insisted a little weight gain over the years caused them to just grow but I insisted that she must be lying.
Until it happened to me.
In my early 40's, I gained about 20 pounds and it was no big deal. Until late 2009 when Dad was diagnosed with cancer and passed away, then Mom passed six months later, then I started on an anti-depressant, increased my stress eating, decreased my exercise, despised my job and continually crept into my late 40's.
Good God, it was the perfect storm!
But this storm didn't leave downed tree limbs and flooding. Just extra pounds and ginormous boobs.
Curiously enough, I hate them.
After all those years of dreaming about them, I really, really hate them.
I can't button any of my blouses or jackets and long necklaces (once my favorite thing) swing out and back and just accentuate said despised boobs. The only thing that fits comfortably over them is a knit top. And then I just feel UN-comfortable and all on display.
How DOES Kim Kardashian do it??
So say good bye to the girls.
I know you would like to think that I took this picture just for YOU but it was taken sometime last year. I think I sent it to a plumber when I was asking for a discount or something.
May I have a discount? Pleeeeeeeeaaaassseee?
No, no, I'm not doing anything more drastic than strict dieting.
Unless someone offers me the surgery for free. I can be reached at
I'm just sayin'....


  1. Hey Chrissy! "Columbia University"? What, it that the entire campus?! ;) Sorry you hate 'em, hon. As an independent observer with no great love of boobs, I think they're rather fetching. Indigo x

  2. " I think I sent it to a plumber when I was asking for a discount or something."

    OMG Chrissy, that made me laugh so hard, I started choking! You are so freakin' HILARIOUS!!!

    But I have to say, girl, they look GREAT on you!!


    And that's coming from a GAY man!

    Faaaaaaabulous post! Have a super week!


  3. @Indigo,
    Fetching? I haven't heard that one before! Um, thanks? I knew this post would attract some interesting comments so I'm glad I can moderate them before I post (delete) them. (sigh....)

    Thanks for keeping it polite.

    Thank you! Sorry to make you choke. lol

  4. Hell-o Kickie,

    The man is right, you are quite fetching. You have made me smile once again; O and the prose was not bad either. You seemed to have starred in several episodes of a Cleveburg Days of Our Lives during the last few years.

    We all have our preferences, surgery to achieve them is a bit drastic. It is a blessing to feel comfortable in one's own skin.

  5. Most men and small-breasted women don't understand the hardships that come with being well endowed. I'd do anything (short of going under the knife) for B cups.

    But you look great!

  6. S(and also V,
    You are too kind! Yes, I am a reality show, aren't I?

    Agreed. I'm trying to get back there again.

    @The Roving Retorter,
    Ha! Thanks. No, they have no clue.

  7. Yup! You're right. You shoulda been a stripper!

  8. @middle child,
    I missed my calling. Now I can only be a stripper for blind men.

  9. Enjoyed your post but understand your hate of them. Be happy they sit well with you - you look great. x

  10. @Jack Sparrow,
    Glad you liked it. Thanks for the compliment, Jack!

  11. Oh yes, those are...erm...terrible? I mean I've looked at that picture 20...30 times now and they just look worse each time.

    (Seriously though, good for you for taking better care of yourself. The girls will be perfect no matter how much they stretch your T-shirts)

  12. Your photo put me "in the mood". My wife said to thank you. ;-)

  13. @Vernon,

    Ha ha! You're both very welcome!


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