How many?!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

My friend's college aged son and his buddy were making lists of the girls they've had sex with. They went something like this:

1. Blonde from Denny's
2. Big boobs/ Jake's party
3. Brunette/ red mustang
4. Professor Swenson/poly sci

And so on. As expected, their goal isn't a long term relationship or even hooking up with someone whose name they might have to remember. They're not keeping a calendar of birthdays or family events to bring them to. They're just boys being boys.

I started making a mental list of the people I've been with and I wondered if I could remember names myself. When I wrote them down, I realized that there were 5 sets of guys that had the same name. And when I say sets, I don't mean that I was with them at the same time. Get your mind out of the gutter. I just mean that they have the same name.

I looked at my list and realized that I don't even know what a normal average number is. I remember when I was 19 years old, I worked with a woman who was 28. She told me that she had been with 45 men and I was horrified. That number still seems high to me.

For dating some 27 years now, I don't come close to that. Let's just say, I've been with more than I can count on my fingers, but less than I can count on my fingers and toes.

As I was looking through my list, each man's name brought back memories of different times in my life. I've never had a one night stand so there were things I remembered about each one because I had dated them for a period of time. I don't have any "Blonde with Corvette" entries on my list.

There was my first, also known as my worst. Neither one of us knew what the hell we were doing so it was a pretty insignificant significant moment in my life.

There were the hot guys that I fought with all the time. There's nothing like that fine line between love and hate, lust and disgust.

"You're such a bitch. What's your problem?!?"

"Well, maybe I wouldn't be such a bitch, if you weren't such a dick to me!"

"Shut up. Don't blame me for this."

"God you make me sick! Take your pants off.."

"Yeah? Is that what you want? Is it?"

"I can't stand looking at you! Get behind me.."

There was the nice boy who thought sex was dirty and decided to go to seminary.

The macho guy who liked to dress up in women's clothing.

The friend with benefits that didn't require any emotional attachment.

The cop who screamed like a little girl.

And a whole other cast of characters. Each one was in my life for a reason and I have no regrets about any of them.

Well, except for having seminary boy try on my Little Red Riding Hood costume. I think that's what pushed him over the edge..


  1. I love your honesty. I wonder if seminary boy ever recovered...

    "I've been with more than I can count on my fingers, but less than I can count on my fingers and toes." Me too!

  2. Yikes! We've a coupla fast ones, here.

    Last One Into The Cold Shower Is A Rotten Egg!

  3. Hi Tina,
    I doubt seminary boy recovered.

    Good to see you're a member of the more than 10, less than 20 club, too.

  4. Not fast ones, Yellow Cake. Modern women. Gloria Steinem would be proud.

    The first 10 were just for practice.

  5. Interesting post. Funny and profound at the same time. What strikes me about the boys' list is how objectifying it is. The girls seem indistinguishable from their attributes, whether those attributes are boobs or hair or cars. In this culture, where even fast food ads happily extol women as "a piece of meat," I guess that's the norm. It's kinda sad though.

  6. 'kay, then. Come join me in the shower. The water is warm.

  7. That was hilarious! I've had more than one fight that was pretty much verbatim. Great Blog!

  8. Chrissy...YOU KILL ME!!!

    I laughed my ass off!!!'ll be glad to know that I TOO can count them on my fingers!

    (but only ONE hand)

    How sad...

  9. Can you do me a favor and ask the guys for Big Boobs from Jake's Party's phone number?

  10. Shit! Nobody told ME it was a competition! I've got similar numbers and I can actually remember all their names...wonder if I need counseling.

  11. Hi Theresa,
    Funny. I knew it couldn't just be me!

  12. I know what you mean, Frankie, but I think it only becomes sad when they do it past college.

    Sex sells whether we like it or not.

  13. No, Ron, that's not sad at all. Besides, you're not dead yet! :-)

  14. Judge,
    I would get the phone number for you but you know it was tossed out the window on the way home. Maybe I could find out the name of the street.

  15. Yes, Chris, I should walk around wearing an H on my chest.

  16. Bandanna,
    You can actually remember the names? Yeah, you better talk to someone about that.

  17. Hi Linda,

    Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it. Hope to see you again. :-)


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