You expect me to eat that?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I feel like Bridget Jones.

May 19, 2009, weight 165

Dear Diary,

I just heard that Mark Darcey will be attending a charity fundraiser that I'll be attending next month so I must start my diet. Again.

I was trying to decide what kind of diet to start this time when a friend of mine told me that her mother had asked her if she would go to a book store and wait in line for an autographed copy of The Engine 2 Diet. In case you haven't heard of it, it's the latest diet book to hit the shelves prior to bikini season. It was written by a hunky firefighter who's the perfect pitchman to sell his program to housewives and lonely, single women.

Did I mention how dreamy he is??

I wasn't really sure what the details of the diet were but since you know my affection for firefighters, I looked up the website. The author's name is Rip Esselstyn but since the name Rip reminds me of Rip Taylor (who I can't stand..), I've renamed him Jake. Jake's website touts the benefits of the diet, from lowering your cholesterol to shedding pounds. This is Jake.

The plan sounded familiar to one that Manly Man had been on to buff up so I decided to ask him for some info. I was surprised when he suggested a "meeting" to walk me through all the details of planning for the diet and the pitfalls that he had come across. It was great seeing him after seven months but I was a little disappointed that he didn't even attempt to kiss me. Maybe I sent the wrong message by answering the door in my bra and panties.

The gist of the diet is that it's vegan. The simplest way that Manly Man explained this to me was that if it has a face, you can't eat it. (get your mind out of the gutter)

I went to the local grocery store and Trader Joe's to stock up on fruits, nuts, veggies and grains. I knew that breakfast would be the hardest for me since I eat two eggs every day. I perused the cereal aisle until I came across a cereal that would be compatible with the diet plan and my already existing food allergies. I found it in a product called Puffins, a whole grain brown rice flour cereal with a hint of honey for flavor. I really like it but I'm having a hard time with the name.

Do you remember on The Girls Next Door when Holly, Hef's main squeeze, called him Puffin? With every spoonful, I think of having that puffin in my mouth and it disturbs me on so many levels.

I'm shocked at how easy this is to follow. I'm a self professed sugar junkie, capable of consuming a pound of M&M's in a sitting but I've had no cravings and no hunger pangs. Day three and counting...


  1. After I finish leaving you this comment, I'm going to definitely check out the you left. Not so much as a diet, but more so for nutritional value.

    I'm a self professed sugar junkie too. So if I can find a few subsitutes that would be great! And BTW I've tried Puffins from Trader Joes and I really liked them.

    Good luck on the GO, girl! I'm off to meet Jake!

  2. Hi Ron,
    The site does have some good basic information. You're supposed to gradually wean yourself off chicken and meats but I eliminated it all at the beginning.
    Thanks, say Hi to Jake!

  3. Since I don't like the name Rip or Jake, I'm going to call your hunky fireman "Fat-Chick Opportunist." You not being a fat chick, of course.

  4. Not to steal Jake's thunder, but the problem with these diets is that they often demand such an extreme shift, and people revert to their old eating habits at the end.

    Of course, I'm sure he's a great vegan firefighter.

  5. MVD is right. The only "diets" that work for me are ones where you don't have to change TOO much. In my case, South Beach is perfect, but that might not be for everyone.

    What we really need is a dietician/Hooters girl writing a book.

  6. Okay Chrissy, I saw your picture. You're a hottie. If you showed up in you panties and bra at the door and he didn't even try to kiss you, the problem is HIS! :-)
    Either that or he's a saint, in which case we'll know in a few hundred years.

  7. Or he could be gay, or a gay saint, or...
    All right, I'll stop.

  8. Well, another definition of puffin is a bird that resembles a small penguin. I'm sure that didn't help much either! Anyway, I think the only real way to lose weight is to cut down on portions & calories & exercise. Good luck with the diet!

  9. Why don't we just call the hunky firefighter Carlos?

  10. Yes, MVD, I'm sure you're right. And given my track record, I'll likely become a statistic myself but I'm making a valiant effort.

  11. Chris, I thought South Beach was all fruit. Oh wait, that's Beverly Hills from 20 years ago. I'll go check the shelf with all the other diet books I've bought.

    Hooter girl, great idea!

  12. Thank you, Jingoist! Oh, gosh, he can't be gay. Not another one...

  13. It's possible...
    My 23 year old son is a "hunky" firefighter in South FL and you wouldn't believe the stories! When he calls I put 2 beers in the freezer and one in my hand. They just slip down my neck so fast. :-)

  14. Hi Collette,
    They have a picture of those cute Puffins on the box.


  15. Thanks for the follow, Jingoist. I went to your blog but it's too political for me. No mention of boobies??

  16. No meat? Might as well tell me to eliminate air from my daily breathing routine. Just remember the one surefire diet that has worked since the dawn on man: It's called the "Eat Less, Move Around More" diet.

  17. The most heinous of all 4-letter words, "Diet"! But if you're going to go forward, may God be with you. Have fun at the fundraiser.

  18. Judge,
    I know. I love steak and the thought of not eating it for any amount of time almost made me weep.
    SNL did a funny skit on the "eat less, move around more" diet. Or maybe it was Mad TV. That's far too simplistic for me to grasp.

  19. Yes, Theresa, that's why it has the word DIE in it! Thanks!

  20. in your undies and he didn't make a move? I have to get out more.

  21. It's enough to give a girl a complex.


C'mon, you know you want to say it..

Blogger Template created by Just Blog It