Say it isn't so!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I’m officially a member of "The Swish Club."

The what?

You know, "The Swish Club". Let me explain.

My friend Debbie and I worked together at Casual Corner (a now defunct women’s clothing store) in 1985. She was 23, I was 19. We went out partying at least 3 nights a week and our meals consisted of Burger King or gyros bought from a street vendor at 2AM. I remember feeling really huge compared to Debbie because she was a petite size 4 and I was a mammoth size 6.

Our store manager, Lori, was a 28 year old Slovenian brick house. She donned a large head of super teased hair sprayed hair, Lee press on nails and raccoon eyeliner. She wore size 8 dresses over her size 12 booty and when she walked, her thighs went swish, swish, swish, swish.

That summer, we went to go see Whitney Houston at an outdoor concert in July. Summers in Cleveland are notoriously hot and muggy but Lori wore pantyhose under her shorts. All we heard on the way up the hill to our seats was swish, swish, swish, swish.

Debbie and I were both horrified to think that one day our thin legs might actually touch when we walked and we would then become members of "The Swish Club" .

I honestly thought I had dodged that bullet all these years until a few days ago. I wore pants most of the winter to fend off the cold but a warm spring day this week brought one of my favorite skirts out of hiding.

I was walking down a quiet corridor of the hospital when I heard it.

Swish, swish, swish, swish

I smiled to myself, remembering Lori and wondering who the poor soul was behind me with the thunder thighs. I paused to fake adjust my shoe and when I looked back, there was no one there. I assumed they had veered off down a hallway and I continued on my way.

Swish, swish, swish, swish

This time, I didn't even pretend to adjust my shoe. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around.

There was no one there.

I started to walk.

Swish, swish

I stopped. The swishing stopped.

I started to walk again.

Swish, swish, swish

Holy Mother! That sound is MY thighs! No, no, it can't be!






I tried walking so that my thighs wouldn't touch but it was no use. That just made me look like I had a load in my pants.

Well, I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I've applied for "The Swish Club" membership card. I hear they have some great discounts on cocoa butter for the inner thigh rash.


  1. Great legs who cares if you swish

  2. LOL. And I really thought the Swish Club really was a club. Haha!

  3. There are worse things in life... As long as the friction doesn't set your pantyhose on fire, you're going to be all right. =^)

  4. I'd welcome you to the club but GIRL - with those legs! You certainly don't qualify!

  5. @Tee,
    Thanks! :-)

    Maybe I should start one...

    @Leah Rubin,
    Oh my gosh, how funny would that be?!

    @middle child,
    Oh yes I do. Swish, swish. I try to cough to distract people.

  6. Swish, swish. Now theres a sound I would look forward to hearing. Those are Wow Legs.

  7. Pantyhouse and shorts is so so wrong.

    Nice legs btw.

  8. That much coughing will draw enough attention to drown out the swish noise?

  9. I think you're kidding us, your legs are gorgeous!


  10. I've been swishing for years. I can't believe that with your legs you've actually joined this august club.

  11. I'm sure there's a male equivalent. I'll reflect.

  12. The male sound is with corduroy pants!
    vttt vtttt vttt

  13. " I hear they have some great discounts on cocoa butter for the inner thigh rash."

    Bwhahahahahahahaha....I COULD NOT stop laughing at that!!!!

    And yes, I agree with R.Jacob, the male sound is with corduroy pants!

    However, I've heard that "swish sound" on several drag queens!


    GREAT post, girl!

  14. Karma, party of one, your table is now ready.

  15. ...and if you act now, they will throw in the anti-rash-powder for free!

    Guuuuurl. I feel your pain.

    You swishy friend,

  16. Hey Chrissy! Bernie doesn't mind if you swish, and neither do we. I probably make some damned noise or other, probably when I'm sitting still ;> Indigo

  17. Damn girl! Your legs look great! I have been a member for years! I was a dancer though, for 12 years, and I always had very muscular legs and they have always been on the bigger side, even though I am only 5'3 and have a medium-small frame.


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