The first step is admitting you have a problem

It’s springtime.

The time of year when a young girl's thoughts turn to summer romances...



... and a middle aged woman's thoughts turn to dieting...



If you’ve followed this middle aged woman for a while, you know that my thoughts turn to dieting way more than once a year. I’ve tried every diet book and infomercial on the market in pursuit of the elusive “goal weight.” Dieting has been a lifelong pastime for me every since I went to modeling school at 13 and was told that my 128 pound, 5’9 body could stand to lose a few pounds. And honestly, over the years, I never really had more than 10-15 pounds to shed but in my ignorant little head, it may has well have been 50.

Well, guess what? It’s now 50!

I’ve gained most of it over the last year. I’ve always been a stress eater but I never gained weight so I never saw it as a problem. I started on an antidepressant when Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in September of 2009. I think the combination of that, oh and eating like a horse, contributed to the gradual creepage of pounds. When I tell people what I weigh, they generally don’t believe it until they look down at my chest and see that at least 20 pounds are sitting there. Curiously enough, when I was in my early 20’s, I went for a plastic surgery consultation to “enhance” my figure. No need for that now.

A few days ago, I ran into a physician friend of mine that I haven’t seen since my skinny days. I made a preemptive strike and said, “Yes, I’ve gained a bunch of weight” but I don’t really think he heard me because he was too busy staring at my chest. Long story, short, he was telling me about this diet that he puts his patients on and I decided to try it.

It’s called the hCG Diet.

I have to admit that my first brief encounter with this diet was an afternoon at home, flipping through day time television from one mindless show to another.

“I lost 20 pounds in 30 days!”

That’s all I needed to hear to make me put the remote down and listen.

“I didn’t exercise at all.”

What?? Losing 20 pounds in 30 days and NOT having to exercise?

What? It’s a million dollars to sign up? Can I write you a check?

Here's the basic concept.

hCG, or Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, is a hormone naturally produced by the placenta in pregnant women and it controls the metabolic function through the hypothalamus. The hCG used in the diet is a variation of the hCG that is created in labs from sterile cells and used in fertility treatments so don't worry, no pregnant women were harmed for this diet.

Patients take a daily dose of the hCG and follow what is know as a VLCD, or Very Low Calorie Diet. No, I didn’t make that up. That’s actually the medical term for it unlike when I made up my medical diagnosis of F-A-T.

The day before I started, I shamelessly ate like an addict going to rehab.

"Yes, that's two Big Macs, large fries and an Rolo McFlurry". Can you believe those McBastards introduced a new flavor the week I started this?

Here’s the diet.

Breakfast:
Tea or coffee in any quantity without sugar. Only one tablespoonful of milk allowed in 24 hours. Saccharin or Stevia may be used.

Lunch:
1. 3.5 oz. of veal, beef, chicken breast, fresh white fish, lobster, crab, or shrimp. All visible fat must be carefully removed before cooking, and the meat must be weighed raw. It must be boiled or grilled without additional fat. Salmon, eel, tuna, herring, dried or pickled fish are not allowed. The chicken breast must be removed from the bird.

2. One type of vegetable only to be chosen from the following: spinach, chard, chicory, beet-greens, green salad, tomatoes, celery, fennel, onions, red radishes, cucumbers, asparagus, cabbage.

3. One Melba toast.

4. An apple, orange, or a handful of strawberries or one-half grapefruit.

Dinner :
The same four choices as lunch (above.)

The basic concept is that hCG causes your hypothalamus to mobilize the stored fat so that it’s available for use. While you are only consuming 500 calories, your hypothalamus is continually releasing the fat stored in your body. Because of this, your body is actually operating on thousands of calories a day.

Do I really buy into it? I'm not sure but I do know that I'm desperate enough to try it. Here's my diary for the first few days.


Day One: Felt a little hungry in the morning but after I drank some iced tea, it seemed to have passed. I made a chicken breast on the grill (3.5 oz is SMALL) and was pleasantly surprised by how full I was after lunch. I followed the program perfectly and I don't think I'll have a problem with it!

Day Two: Had my apple for breakfast and then had another 3.5 oz piece of chicken for lunch along with 3 stalks of asparagus and a Melba toast.

4PM, starving. Death is inevitable.

Okay, so this may be a little more challenging than I anticipated but I'm takin' it one day at a time.