It's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to

To say that I’ve had a challenging couple of years would be an understatement. I’ve experienced a roller coaster of emotions as this ‘resistant to change’ gal has had her whole world turned upside down.

We all have different ways of dealing with stress in our lives. Some people drink, some smoke or do drugs. My drug of choice happens to be food. And it was never a problem until I started gaining weight when I was about 42. The weight gain was insidious; 5 pounds here, another 10 there. On my 5’9 frame, it was barely noticeable.

I started on meds for anxiety and depression last year and subsequently gained another 40 pounds. Was it all from the meds? Heck no! I’m pretty sure that nightly pitchers of cocktails and gallons of ice cream contributed as well.

Looking back, I realize that I lived a lot of my life for my parents. Even before they were both ill. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I have any regrets or that I would have done anything differently. I’ve just been struggling for the last 9 months to figure out who I am and what I want.

I couldn’t tell you if I’ve grieved “properly”. I don’t know that there’s really a right or wrong way and I know it’s different for everyone. I’ve just been trying to move forward while struggling to make peace with a lot of the past.

It’s no secret that I’m really unhappy with my weight right now and I’ve been busting my butt to make some changes. When I went on a dating website a month ago, I knew I wasn’t in an emotionally healthy place for a relationship and was instead looking for a distraction through the holidays.

Then I met Macy’s guy. You know how it is when you instantly click with someone and you feel like you’ve known them forever? It doesn’t just happen with romance. I’ve met women who have become my kindred souls seemingly without effort.

Macy’s guy and I had common ground on so many things and we were never at a loss for conversation. We saw each other a few times a week and shared a lot as we talked for an hour every night. I even made the bold move to invite him to a get together with all of my closest friends and he readily accepted. The last time they met anyone I was dating was 5 years ago.

He seemed to be everything that I didn’t think I wanted and it seemed crazy because it was all so sudden and yet it kinda made sense, too. I vacillated between running like hell and jumping in feet first.

Last weekend, I hadn’t heard from him much and I was finally able to get him on the phone Monday night when he told me that he “didn’t want to pursue this any further”.

I didn’t understand and so I asked him, “Why?” His response was that he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to sound shallow.

My heart sunk and I thought of the struggles with my weight that I had shared with him. He was dumping me because of the way I look. I would have preferred that he had called me a bitch or told me that my moral compass was askew or that my pot roast was lousy but the way I LOOK??

This was unchartered territory for me and my knee jerk reaction was to defend myself and tell him how hard I had been working out. Then, almost as soon as I heard myself saying it, I retracted it realizing that I didn’t have to justify myself to someone who didn’t accept me as I was.

But you know what? I get it. I mean, I’m as shallow as he is, only I’ll reject someone immediately. I don’t string ‘em along and then change my mind. I guess he wasn’t the person that I thought (hoped) he was but the blow to my ego was devastating.

Have you watched any of the news coverage about the death of North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il, where they show the people of North Korea out in the streets wailing in sadness over the loss of him?

Yeah.

That’s how I was Monday night.

I took the dogs for a long walk and I sobbed all the way. I can’t believe no one called the police. I made sure to go down different streets where no one knew me!

I was so distraught but not over the loss of Macy’s guy. I guess I was crying over the loss of my youth, my hotness and everything that has to do with how I look. I had officially entered middle age and it sucked.

Am I feeling sorry for myself?

Oh yes.

It's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to.

Secondhand Sunday

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


"Spanx me"

Original Post Date, July 2, 2010

“Maybe you should think about wearing a girdle.”

Ahhhh…Saturdays with Mom.

This is what my mother thinks I look like.



I believe my mother has a condition called reverse other people’s bodies dysmorphia. She sees me as way fatter than I am. Yes...yes! I've gained a lot of weight but I'm 5'9 so 40 pounds on me isn't the same as 40 pounds on someone who's 5'2. And besides, 25 of those pounds are in my boobs.


What is the big freakin' deal??

Then I came home and tried on one of my skirts from last summer. It didn't zip all the way up and I heard my mother's voice, "Maybe you should think about wearing a girdle." I don't even like wearing control top pantyhose but we're in a different time than when our mother's wore girdles. Today, girdles have fancy names like Spanx and they're trendy to wear. Heck, even Queen Oprah sings their praises.

So I went to spanx.com to see what the hype was all about. Oh, look! They have a new line of slimming swimwear. Okay, Spanx marketers. If you want to convince me that this bathing suit is going to make me look slimmer, don't show me a skinny bitch without an ounce of body fat wearing one.


"Look at me! I haven't eaten since May."

Show me THIS woman wearing the body slimming bathing suit if you want me to shell out $107.



I looked through all the nonsensically named bodysuits, shapers, panties and slips and finally decided on the "Higher Power" body shaper.



It has a high waist to eliminate the "muffin top" and longer legs to slim those cottage cheesey thighs. Wait a minute...$36?!?!?!

Well, I found one for a fraction of the cost on eBay and bought it. Yes, it's probably stolen since there was no packaging but I don't care. Didn't you hear the part about it being a fraction of the cost?

Let me tell you, ladies, (and curious gents) I HATE this stupid thing. First of all, it took me 5 minutes to get it on over my butt. My face was bright red by the time I did and I had to sit down and rest. The high waist doesn't stay high unless you're as thin as skinny bitch. The top rolled down by the time I got to work and created a larger bulge than ever existed before.

There's a handy dandy hole in the crotch for, I'm guessing here, relieving yourself. But it would be impossible to do without dribbling all over it. And besides, it just feels freaky walking around work in what are essentially crotchless panties.

Are they handy for a quickie? Oh, sure. But for as good as they might look under your clothing, they're less than flattering by themselves so it's not likely I would even get any takers.

Sorry, Oprah, I usually like every book, wine, car, hair product and musical artist that you suggest but I have to give you a big thumbs down on this one.

Well, whadya know??

Alas, after a little over two weeks, I reached my disgust threshold and took my profile down from the dating website. I love the things that men do to entice you.

Pictures of their cars

Picture of them cuddling dogs

Pictures of their houses

And my favorite going out of business line

"Hurry! I’m only on here for two more days before my membership expires." I think this was the guy who under "my favorite things to do", wrote SEX.

Hey, we didn't need Chess King and we don't need you!

Needless to say, I didn't fall for any of them. Instead, I fell for a picture of a handsome guy sitting on his living couch, smiling. Remember Macy’s guy? The one I fell in love with when he told me his father gets VIP seats to the Macy’s parade and then subsequently was annoyed with when he stopped calling after a week?

Well, he finally did call again and we went out for drinks.

Which led to dinner.

And more drinks.

And dessert.

And then FOUR HOURS LATER, we were both completely smitten with each other.

Which led to another date. And another. And another. I’ll keep you posted!

Monday Morning Vinny

I had quite a scare with Vinny this week. I noticed that he wasn't peeing in his litter box but I was smelling pee all over the rest of the house and finding it in little tiny spots.

I thought he might have a urinary tract infection so I asked a few cat owner friends and they suggested calling my vet just to be safe.

The vet was concerned that Vinny might have a blockage because that tends to happen in male cats more than females. If it's not treated quickly, they could die within a few days.

I took him in for an exam and the x-rays revealed that he has an unusually small bladder. There were no stones present but it was very inflamed in a condition called FIC or Feline Idiopathic Cystitis.

The actual cause is unknown but it can develop in cats when you only feed them a dry diet because cats need to get water from their food. They won't seek out water the way dogs will so Vinny has started on a prescription canned food diet and the vet suggested adding some chicken broth because the salt will encourage more water drinking.

She also suggested a pet fountain. You know how some cats and dogs like to drink out of a hose or a running faucet in the sink? The fountain provides the same concept. I found this one by Animal Planet.

The good news is that Vinny is peeing normally again.

The bad new is that it's on my living room rug.

The vet said that he might still associate the litter box with discomfort so I need to lock him in a room with the litter box so he'll start using it again.

Anything for my Vin Vin!

Free at last!!

I know a lot of you may have seen this already but I just had to share. Get out the tissues.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Monday Morning Millie

"Is Black Friday over yet??"

Oops, I did it again

ValueMags - cheap magazine subscriptions with free shipping.

You'll often hear me say, " I will never_______________"

...drink that much again.
...eat that much again.
...sleep with an ex again.

But I inevitably, DO_____________

...drink that much again.
...eat that much again.
and sleep with an ex AGAIN.


Well, I'm pretty sure that I said I would NEVER go on a dating website again.

Guess whaaaat?

And it's just as disastrous as it was ALL the other times. Okay, maybe disastrous is a little over reactive but unsuccessful doesn't seem like an adequate enough summation.

I've been having a pretty tough time entering my first holiday season without both of my parents so I wanted a little distraction and I thought internet dating might be a good place to find that distraction.

I was wrong.

As usual, I start out just looking at profiles. I'm not willing to plunk down my credit card until I'm pretty confident that there are at least 3 or 4 guys that I feel are worth my $35.00 gamble. Once I found a few, I was able to start searching.

I avoided the ones that are looking for their soul mate, lifelong partner or "woman to complete me". Remember, I was just looking for a distraction through the holidays.


This is his only photo


Nothing turns a lady on like a man wearing a wife beater


If he's 47, I'm 29. That dog is dead three times over.


Doesn't he have anyone who can take his picture so he doesn't have to use the reflection off his bathroom mirror?


The profile was for the guy on the right. Me likey.

I was communicating with a really nice guy who lived about 10 minutes from me. He was a carpenter but he also did plumbing and electrical so I found myself making a mental list of all the things I needed done every time I talked to him.

I fell in love with him when he told me that his father lives in NYC and gets VIP tickets to the Macy's parade every year! Ever since I was a little girl, I have been DYING to go to New York for the parade. I get up every Thanksgiving and watch it from start to finish. This year, when my sister came over at noon, I told her that it wasn't as much fun to watch without Mom and Dad making fun of me.

"You know I still think you're a freak", she replied.

"Aw....thanks, Lisa." sniff...sniff

Anyway, back to Macy's guy. Nice guy, funny, talked for a week and then POOF. He disappeared. Oh well.

The website copied Facebook and has the option to "like" a photo on someone's profile. I posted pictures of Millie and Dino and they get WAY more likes than me!

Same old story. They wink, I wink back. Nuthin. They email, I respond. Nuthin.

Since I wasn't having any luck on this website, I went to another and emailed this guy. He's a little bit older but I like his face. It has character.

Fingers crossed!

Monday Morning Vinny

"Damn, it's getting cold!

Wake me when it's time to go to Florida."

There's no place like home

You guuuuuuyyyyysss!!!

I've missed you all sooooooo much! Sooooo much has been going on that I've had absolutely no time to visit you guys or let you know what's been happening.

I was super sick for a little over two weeks with some chest/throat thing that I just couldn't seem to shake and now I think it's lingering bronchitis.

Here are my lazy nurses keeping watch while I'm too weak to move from the intoxicating cocktail of meds the doctor gave me.



The most exciting thing to come out of it was a sexy, throaty voice that held on for about 5 days. I liked to think that I sounded like Demi Moore but it was probably more like Brenda Vaccaro in a Playtex tampons ad.



For almost a week, I had little to no voice. I amused myself by the way I laughed or should I say, couldn't laugh. I would start to laugh but only little squeaks would come out and that just made me laugh more. I'm so easily amused.

The timing was perfect, though, because it was a few weeks before the November 8th general election and there were tons of people calling and knocking on the door to promote their particular issue. I usually don't answer the door but I was laying on the couch and assumed it was my neighbor since I had just gotten off the phone with him.

I was wrong.

I opened the door and hadn't even said anything when this woman went into her whole spiel about why Issue X was wrong. (Or was it right??) I let her give her argument, all the while, nodding and smiling. When she paused, I interjected something about why I was for (or was it against?) it and she leaned in..

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.."

I repeated myself, "I s-------- do-------e--------no-------". Every other letter was able to escape and make a sound but not enough of them grouped together to form an audible sentence.

She tilted her head, "I...I still don't...."

I kept pseudo-talking. "I---------wan-------g-------me------" and started waving my arms wildly.

She was so disgusted that she backed down the front steps, saying,"You know what? I'll come back another time and we can discuss it."

Hmmm...she never came back. You should try it!

Monday Morning Millie & Dino

"I know Dino was just stretching in his sleep but do you know what this could do to my political career?

We tell NO ONE about this. Do you hear me?? No one!"

Monday Morning Dino

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."
Mother Teresa




"And make it a dog."
Dino

Monday Morning Chrissy, 1990

I came across this a few weeks ago as I was packing.

C Cleveland

It just wouldn't be Halloween without the Grizzies down the block. Mr. Griswold was outside arranging the decorations the other day without a shirt on.






I have to say, that was the scariest thing in the yard.

Monday Morning Vinny

The lasss thing I remember...was Dino asssing me if I wanted a sip of his water....I juss need to sleep it off...

My new project

I'm really excited to tell you guys about this new website that I started! I got the idea for it about a year ago but life got in the way and I became sidetracked. Even now, I haven't had much time to focus on it with trying to get the other house in order before I move in.

As you are well aware, I have a mild obsession with dieting.

0kay, HUGE obsession with dieting.

In addition to being employed with a few of the national weight loss programs in the past, I think I've tried every diet and/or exercise program out there over the years.

My secondary obsession is with reading before and after stories about how people lost weight and marveling at their pictures. One day as I was searching the web for even more pictures and stories, I realized that no one SINGLE site existed where I go for this information so I decided to make one!

And that's when my idea was born. It's a social networking site for diet and exercise fanatics called My Weight Makeover.

www.myweightmakeover.com

I get to combine my love of writing with my obsession for HOW DID THEY DO THAT??

A free membership allows users to post profiles and upload before and after pictures of themselves to motivate and inspire others. Each member shares the program and/or exercise plan that helped them achieve their goal. I took the original concept and expanded it to encompass diet and exercise advice, community message boards, low cal recipes and celebrity weight loss successes.

I'm kind of in a chicken and egg situation now. I want to promote it to get more users but I don't have enough users now so I don't want people to come to the site and say, "Well, there's nothing really here."

So I reach out to you, dear friends, to help me get the word out and/or point me in the direction of someone who can show me what to heck to do. Now keep in mind that I don't have a large marketing budget but I do give a mean lap dance.

Thanks in advance!!

Monday Morning Millie

Okay, back away from your computer and tell me the shape of her head doesn't look like the Pink Panther.

I'm too dumb for my Smartphone

I ordered it online and activated it 48 hours before my trip to Florida. I only mention that because when the pilot announced, "At this time, we ask that all passengers turn off their electronic devices", I had no CLUE how to do it!I I panicked and shoved it under my right cheek, certain that any conflicting radio frequencies would be blocked by the subcutaneous layer of thick fat on my ass.

Then I remembered that the layer wasn't as fat as it used to be and I closed my eyes and pictured the plane crashing. The last thing heard on the flight recorder would be, "How the hell do I turn this thing off??"

Luckily, we took off without a hitch and I spent the next few days trying to figure out how to make a phone call. As I did with Facebook, I initially resisted the whole Smartphone concept, but I succumbed because my contract was renewing and I got the HTC Trophy for cheap. You know how much I like cheap!

Well, it happened.

I've become one of those Smartphone people. You know, the ones who check their Facebook status 20 times a day and feel the need to let everyone know that "One of us will die when the satellite falls on us." If you haven't already friended me on Facebook, you must so that you can get these exciting updates, too. Here's my latest.

"How is it only Thursday?"

Take a moment to bask in its brilliance before you keep reading.

Not only do I check my Facebook 20 times a day but I also know what the current temperature is now and every hour on the hour until infinity.

It's 72 degrees with intermittent clouds.

Be forewarned that when I invite you to my Christmas party and you tell me that you can't make it because of a snowstorm, I WILL punch in your zip code to confirm it.

Busted!

You're only having light flurries. Get your ass over here!

The camera on this phone is about a million times better than mine was and since I'm a picture taking machine anyway, I'm constantly clicking away.



I'm sure the novelty of this phone will wear off soon but in the mean time, Can I take your picture? C'mon, I'll post it on Facebook!

By the way, it's now 71 degrees and mostly cloudy.

Lunches with Lisa

"I'm glad you had a nice time with Marcy in Florida, Chrissy."

"I did, thanks. I think I was outside a little too long, though."

"No, you look really healthy with a little color from the sun. You know, unlike how you usually look."

"Um..thanks??"

Monday Morning Dino

Shhhhhhhh....I'm hunting wabbits.....

Fun in the (blazing) sun!

We had an awesome time in Florida! It was SO good to get away and not think about work or packing or anything.

My friend Nancy and I stayed with my cousin, Marcy, in Sarasota.


Me and Marcy

Her new house is STUNNING. I mean, how many people have a pool AND a lake in their backyard?



She and her husband, Dave, were the MOST gracious hosts.

We flew into Tampa on Thursday and the first thing we did was stop at International Plaza, which is an upscale mall and shopping center right by Tampa International Airport. Customer service is dead most places but it was alive and well at the International Plaza. They even laid out a red carpet for us!

Isn't Marcy a doll?


Saturday, we hit Siesta Key beach.



Me and Nancy

It was overcast but I came armed with my SPF 30 and an umbrella.



I'm pretty sure my downfall was spending a little too much time in the water talking to some some guys we met from Akron and not enough time reapplying sunscreen.

Don't get excited...

There was no love connection but I did find out that I can fly from Youngstown to Florida for about $150 roundtrip. Now, THAT'S exciting! We flew out of Akron, which is almost as far as Youngstown and I thought I was getting a good deal at $250 roundtrip. See? Everyone comes into our life for a reason.

I got COMPLETELY roasted and looked like a lobster by the end of the day.



Luckily, the aloe vera plant on the side of Marcy's house offered some relief.

Friday night, Marcy's friends joined us and they were SUCH a nice group of women and so much fun! We went to St. Armands Circle for dinner and some window shopping (most shops were closed by the time we finished dinner).



Saturday we rented a boat and our captain, Nancy, guided us along Sarasota Bay.



The homes were AMAZING but this one was our favorite.


"Honey, where did you leave the boat?"

"It's on the deck."

"Okay, I see it now."

Oddly enough, there was NO ONE outside any of them. I guess they're spending too much time working to pay for these 3 million dollar plus homes to actually enjoy them.


Here's my bruise from trying to get back INTO a boat that didn't come equipped with a ladder.


We were all less than graceful getting back in and I'm quite sure the video is somewhere on You Tube as we speak. This time I used SPF 30, wore a hat, a T shirt and sunglasses but STILL got more fried.



I should have known that the vultures at mile marker number 13 couldn't have been a good sign!



Marcy said that her husband Dave was going to grill for us on Saturday night so I figured (VERY wrongly) that he would make steaks and baked potatoes. You know, typical guy fare. Well, this was before I knew that he went to culinary school. We dined on scallop and crab appetizers, filet, asparagus and sweet potatoes. WOW! It was DE-licious.



All in all, we had a really fun time but was I happy to leave and come home to my babies?

What do you think?