Sundays are usually the day that I devote to Secondhand Sundays;the day I do a rewind and repost a favorite blog. This is one Sunday when I wish I could actually DO a rewind to a year ago, before Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.
In the last few weeks, he's really started fading fast. They stopped the chemo a month ago and the cancer appears to be spreading pretty rapidly. Fucking cancer. I've been trying to prepare myself for this since we got the diagnosis a year ago but I had no idea this was going to be so hard. I know. Duh.
He no longer talks about what he wants to do in the future like he was before. Now he just tells me how much he loves me and what a wonderful daughter I've been. I try so hard to be strong and not break down in front of him so he doesn't feel bad but sometimes, it's just too overwhelming.
My cousin came up from Florida with her family this weekend and said her goodbyes. After all, Uncle George is everyone's favorite uncle.
It doesn't make things easier than work is so stressful right now. I'm really tired of dealing with physicians egos when they don't get their way. I want to scream out, Do you think any of this shit really matters?
I just wanted to take a minute to let you all know why I've been posting so infrequently and ignoring all of your blogs. Sometimes it's hard to find the funny when your heart is breaking.
Note to self: Buy waterproof mascara
Love you guys,
Chrissy
I've been in this sorrowful place that you find yourself in with a gravely ill parent. Good wishes to you and be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are where you need to be. Will be lifting you dad and family up in thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel right now, girl. When I was going through this with my own father I said the same thing...
ReplyDelete"Do you think any of this shit really matters?"
So, take can of YOU right now and know that I am sharing MUCH energy and love with you.
(((( Chrissy ))))
X ya!
I'm now just on my way to say my goodbyes to my husband's best and dear old friend... Same thing as your dad. In January they told him he had 6 months.
ReplyDeleteHe's not my father, but did become a father figure.
I wish you all the courage in the world. We'll always be there for you to share the funnies when you're ready to come back to us.
I've felt the pain you are feeling. God bless you and your father.
ReplyDeleteChrissy, I'm so so awfully sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is breaking for you and your family. Fucking cancer is right...
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love and the prayers that your dad is as comfortable as possible. xo
I feel for you. I went through the exact same thing with my mom 3 years ago. It's tough and it sucks. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI don't know exactly how you feel right now but I have experienced great loss in my life. It is really tough. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself, it is bad and will get worse, not what you want to hear but it's true. Just be glad for what you have now. Waterproof mascara wears off.
ReplyDeleteI repeat take care of yourself!! Thinking of you.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this now. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all of your love and support. You guys are the best! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI’ve been keeping up to date with your site, but just don’t always have time to comment (sorry). Just thought I’d say hello again so you know I’m here!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kate! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou are so very right, no other sh*t matters. Just keep doing what feels right and treasure the memories - good and & bad x
ReplyDeleteAw, sweetie. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and your family-
ReplyDeleteYou know that everyone understands that you've had a lot on your plate, right? And you know that we want you to do whatever you have to do...and that we'll still be here, whenever you want to reach out?
You know, right? Honey, I know you're trying to be strong for your dad...but I'm sure he understands how much you're hurting. My thoughts and prayers are always with you.
xoxo