I'm too dumb for my Smartphone

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I ordered it online and activated it 48 hours before my trip to Florida. I only mention that because when the pilot announced, "At this time, we ask that all passengers turn off their electronic devices", I had no CLUE how to do it!I I panicked and shoved it under my right cheek, certain that any conflicting radio frequencies would be blocked by the subcutaneous layer of thick fat on my ass.

Then I remembered that the layer wasn't as fat as it used to be and I closed my eyes and pictured the plane crashing. The last thing heard on the flight recorder would be, "How the hell do I turn this thing off??"

Luckily, we took off without a hitch and I spent the next few days trying to figure out how to make a phone call. As I did with Facebook, I initially resisted the whole Smartphone concept, but I succumbed because my contract was renewing and I got the HTC Trophy for cheap. You know how much I like cheap!

Well, it happened.

I've become one of those Smartphone people. You know, the ones who check their Facebook status 20 times a day and feel the need to let everyone know that "One of us will die when the satellite falls on us." If you haven't already friended me on Facebook, you must so that you can get these exciting updates, too. Here's my latest.

"How is it only Thursday?"

Take a moment to bask in its brilliance before you keep reading.

Not only do I check my Facebook 20 times a day but I also know what the current temperature is now and every hour on the hour until infinity.

It's 72 degrees with intermittent clouds.

Be forewarned that when I invite you to my Christmas party and you tell me that you can't make it because of a snowstorm, I WILL punch in your zip code to confirm it.


You're only having light flurries. Get your ass over here!

The camera on this phone is about a million times better than mine was and since I'm a picture taking machine anyway, I'm constantly clicking away.

I'm sure the novelty of this phone will wear off soon but in the mean time, Can I take your picture? C'mon, I'll post it on Facebook!

By the way, it's now 71 degrees and mostly cloudy.


  1. You have issues and you will keep checking facebook, over and over and over again. Ha!

    Peace, Love and Chocolate,

  2. LOL, I still have a dumb phone. They call it a feature phone but I dont know why because it has no features worth using and no DANG Angry Birds.

    Call over a neighbor kid. They will be able to show you everything your phone can do within minutes even if they have never seen that particular phone before. They need to be older than 10 to be able to do this, 6 if you just want to make a call.

  3. Yes these smart phones can become very addictive, I too check facebook constantly, why I don't know, I guess so that I can see what my fellow classmate I havent seen in 30 years is buying for dinner.

  4. Hilarious post, girl!

    "The last thing heard on the flight recorder would be, "How the hell do I turn this thing off??" "


    Hey listen, I don't even own a cell phone, let alone a Smartphone (I know, could you just die?). However, it's probably just as well because I check my emails, blog comments, and google reader like 20 times a day through my computer. So, I can't imagine having something like a Smartphone with me all day, or I'd never work!

    Btw, love the last photo. Your darn right...it does take GREAT pictures!

    X to you, Millie, Vinny, and Dino!

  5. The novelty does wear off in time, maybe four weeks. It's really cool to be able to google anything 24/7, though. Love ya, T

  6. Don't do this to me! There's now coffee spilled all over the keyboard of my office MacIntosh! Well, I have to confess that I've always ogled my colleagues' smartphones with jealous eyes, using myself some oversized-tiny-screened old-fashioned contraption. You can place a phone call with it, though, which I deem excellent news. I'm what you could call an Apple-addict (most graphic designers, I've been told, are a lot like that), yet somehow have never managed to treat myself to one of those IPhones (we jokingly call them "I-founes", "foune" meaning "pussy" in French – and yes, this is a country of High Culture, lol). Anyway, I never call anybody; nobody ever calls me; so what the heck? Darn, I never even make it to Facebook (where I do have an account) because I don't have the time! But if I were a FB addict, believe me, your news would be the first I'd read each morning! How fascinating to know the weather over in… Cleveland, is it?

    PS: Paris, France, is currently sunny with approx. 17°C (measured with the science-prove "wet-finger-in-the-air"-method, unavailable on smartphones) ;-))

  7. I've had my smart phone for a year and I am still addicted. If I wasn't related to everyone at work I'd probably be fired by now :)

  8. @Tiffany,
    HA! You're so right~

    @Simply Suthern,
    I should do that. I couldn't figure out any of the games. Gosh, I'm old.

    LOL! See? You know exactly what I mean.

    I was late to getting a phone when everyone already had them. I probably would need all the bells and whistles if I could check fun stuff from my computer at work. Bastards!

    Four weeks, huh? Okay, counting NOW.

    You know, tons of my friends have an iPhone and when I tell them that I upgraded, I see the look of disappointment that comes over their faces when I tell them it's not an iPhone.

    Hey, it's sounds like you just invented a new app my friend!

    By the way, it's 66 degrees and partly cloudy. Oh, and dark.

    Oh, see. Maybe I WON'T be over it in a month. Hmmm..not sure that I would want to work with my relatives just to feed my phone fix. :-)

  9. Umm.. whats the date of that party? Its a long way up there, and I need to plan plenty early...

  10. Always love your site and nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Pop on over if you'd like to participate, otherwise, no worries. www.iwasbornveryyoung.com :)

  11. I'd laugh, but I need to go and check Facebook and twitter about now, so I must be off.


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