Did someone suck the air out of the room?

 

 

I think I'm having a midlife crisis. I'm going to be 47 in July and though my life isn't awful, I'm not really where I want to be. It reminds me of this classic Far Side cartoon.  

 

I have the pearls, wine (vodka, actually) and a warm, dry house but I still feel like a Mrs. Wendell.

 

I'm just not content.

 

My job is sucking the life out of me and that's no secret. I work for a large healthcare institution and I manage the support staff for one of the specialty institutes. Twenty seven grown women who never learned to play nice in the sandbox when they were kids and have no desire to learn now. Last week, I had an employee come into my office to complain about her co-worker telling her that she was "lazy and doesn't do anything."

 

I called the other employee into my office and said, "Anne said that you told her she was lazy and doesn't do anything."

 

Her response? "I never said that! I told her she was a stupid bitch."

 

I think to myself,  This is my life? Being the referee in juvenile disputes between grown adults?

 

I'm finding it harder and harder to diplomatically "coach" people. I should say, "I know you're feeling frustrated but how do you think you can approach this the next time?" Instead, I hear myself saying, "What the hell is wrong with you??"

 

I jokingly offer my job to everyone within earshot only to be told, "I would never do your job. How are you not an alcoholic?"

 

If I could drink at work, I probably would be but the best (worst) I can do is eat. Every time something frustrates me, I find myself wanting to shove food in my mouth. I used to eat like a thin person, only when I was hungry and in moderation. Now I just shove things down my gullet.

 

I told you guys a while back about this website that I started called My Weight Makeover. I started it because of my mild obsession with seeing how people lost weight and got in shape. It's expanded to a place where I can share the information that I've gathered regarding dieting, nutrition and exercise. I did a complete redesign in the last month and I'm still in the process of reformatting all the pages to the new layout. Next step is figuring out the whole "social media thing" to market it. Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest. I'll have to hire a 15 year old to guide me. 

 

THIS is what I want to do with my life. I want to sit in front of my computer and write about what interests me and then I want to come here and spew my stream of consciousness to anyone who cares to take the time to listen.

 

Oh. And I want to make a living doing it.

 

Is that too much to ask?

Monday Morning Chrissy

This seemed appropriate to add to my car window.

Secondhand Sunday

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.



"Am I smarter than a first grader?"

Original Post Date, April 10, 2012


I think I’m getting dumber as I age. Or is it, more dumb? Either way, I just don’t feel as mentally sharp as I used to. I think I smell worse, too, but that’s another discussion.

I have always prided myself on being able to think on my feet and complete tasks with both speed and accuracy. Maybe it’s just an inevitable consequence of aging, but I feel like I’m thinking slower than before. I’m not quite to the “riding the short bus” level of slowness but I won’t be applying for “Jeopardy” any time soon, either.

 

I was off last Monday, lying on my couch in the middle of the afternoon, watching TV. There was something about people living on disability and so I googled “Disability for mental illness” thinking it might be a good career move for my decreasing intelligence.

I reviewed the eligibility categories:

Schizophrenia – I’m pretty sure I don’t have this but I do have Quadrophenia by The Who
 

Mental retardation - I had this once when I dated a guy that I was pretty sure had killed his last girlfriend and buried her in the backyard. It passed when we broke up.

Anxiety - Thank you, Prozac.

Depression - See above.

Substance abuse disorders - I’m working on this one as I type.

I fell asleep in the middle of filling out the application and I woke to a commercial talking about improving my brain.
 

It was touting the benefits of a website called Lumosity. This cognitive training website was developed by neuroscientists to help improve your mental abilities. I was intrigued and bored enough to give it a look-see.

The first thing I always want to know is how much something costs. Lumosity offers a three day trial, which only after you sign up, allows you to access the pricing scale. I’ll share it with you here since I signed up. C’mon, you know I’m a sucker for FREE:

1 month $14.95

Yearly $6.70/month, billed in one installment of $80.40.

Two years $4.49/month, billed in one installment of $107.76

Or Lifetime for $299.95 which would be a good deal, if we all weren’t all going to be dead on December 21, 2012 as the Mayan calendar professes.

You start by answering some simple questions about memory, attention, speed, flexibility and problem solving. The allows Lumosity to create a personalized training program just for you. I had fun with the 3 day trial so I decided to sign up for a month.

There's a page called The Science behind Lumosity where they talk about all the scientific studies that have been done showing how cognitive training extends beyond the actual game itself into real life. I think everyone can draw their own conclusions.

I, for one, think the results have been amazing. I mean, just the other day I......wait, what was I talking about?

If your friends acted like pets

 

I think everyone with a dog or cat will appreciate this one!

Monday Morning Dino

Good grief! Will you turn up the heat, please?

Secondhand Sunday

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.



"Go ahead, make my day."

Original Post Date, January 17, 2012


Okay, so I had my LAST date on Saturday. And not in a good “my last date…my last kiss cuz this is the one” kinda way. I’m just DONE.

We’ve discussed how shallow I am and how that usually ends up biting me in the ass when the pretty boys end up being jerks. I decided to go out with a really nice, educated, articulate, successful financial planner that really wasn’t my physical “type” but since chemistry can be so elusive anyway, I decided to give it a shot. He was 50, divorced with three young kids (again, I ask the question…where were these guys when I wanted kids 10 years ago??)

We decided to meet at a trendy pub on Saturday for lunch. I was anxious to check it out since I had never been there before and some friends said it was fun. Well, he got there before me and texted that it wasn’t open for lunch but that he would wait in the parking lot for me and we could go somewhere else. I pulled up to see a silver haired guy sitting in a ginormous SUV, tapping away on his iPhone.

He suggested that we head down the road to another bar and I got in his car. (I know. Stupid move. But I figured if anything happened to me, he could easily be found by all information I had gathered through my pre-date investigation of him).

He was nice but I didn’t really feel a connection which was probably best when he told me about his “still really angry” ex-wife who was a surgeon and had left him for a resident, only to have that guy leave her, too. Isn’t that how it always is? It sounded like he had way too much drama in his life and that he was looking for something more serious than I was anyway. It seems like all the men I meet are looking for their next wife and they don’t understand a woman who wants to casually date. By the end of lunch, he was telling me to “not take it personally, but you aren’t ready to date.”

Um, okay, Dr. Drew.

What the hell??

We had an interesting debate on that one and he asked me if I was a serial dater?? Wha??

We had actually made plans to do something after lunch but it was obvious to both of us that this date was over. I feel like I’m now acting like all the men I dated when I was in my 20’s and the guys are me. “Don’t you realize that I’m the best thing since sliced bread?”, they implore.

Driving back to my car, we had this conversation:

Ginormous SUV guy: “You know it was really…um…brave of you to get in a car with someone you don’t know.”

I gazed at him wistfully, “Yeah…maybe….”

“No, really. I mean, you don’t even know me.”

I turned to him and smiled, “It’s okay. I have a gun in my purse.”

He started to laugh but then I saw the look of fear and uncertainty flash across his face.

Go ahead, buddy, call me a serial dater again.

Can you recommend a movie, God?

A friend posted a positive review of a movie called The Letter Writer on Facebook. She said there weren’t any well known actors in it but that she had come across it on Netflix and loved it. Curious, I decided to Google it so I could get some info about it and maybe watch a preview. I scrolled down the search results and saw that it was listed on a site about Christian videos.

 

I scanned their list of movies, looking for The Letter Writer.

 

The Greatest Miracle

 

God’s Mighty Servant

 

The Flowers of St. Francis

 

 Finding Fatima

 

Anchorman 2

 

HUH???

 

 

Anyway, here's the preview. It looks pretty good. I originally found it on GodTube but I couldn't figure out how to embed it here.

 

Yes, GodTube. I can't make this stuff up.

 

 

 

 

 

Warm out there today, huh?

I was just reading a list of the best or worst cities for this or that. It listed as one of the enviable amenities, warm weather. I never really thought of the weather as being an “amenity”. When I hear the word amenity, I think of hotel amenities, like a hair dryer or an ice machine. I’ve never seen a hotel website say “sunny weather included at no extra charge”.

 

 

 

Although, now that I say that, it’s kinda cute, isn’t it? Hey! Maybe I can sell the idea to Disney World. Don’t you dare! I thought of it first.

 

But to say that a city is more enviable because of warm weather makes no sense. At one time or another, we all have warm weather. I suppose the term warm is relative, too, because warm for Cleveland could be the mid 80’s while warm for Antarctica could be the 40’s. Why else would people in cold climates wear shorts when the temp hits 50 and people in warm climates put on a winter coat?

 

How about just saying“agreeable atmospheric conditions” and then people can interpret that however they see fit?

 

And why is warm better anyway? You can’t ski when it’s warm. Or build a snowman. Or go ice skating. Or get your tongue stuck to a pole. Or lose a toe to frostbite. And c'mon, everyone knows that sandals are overrated. They have no arch support, for God's sake.

 

My point is, the grass isn’t always greener, even when it’s greener…

Prozac, anyone?

In the last year, I've indulged in a lot of self-destructive behavior.

No, no...nothing fun like meaningless sex.

Mostly booze and food. Mostly food, really. It's always been my drug of choice, but in the last year it's gotten the best of me. I felt like I had no control over my life or career so what was the point in eating healthy? It was one the only thing that made me feel comforted, but the satisfaction was fleeting, and was always followed by self disgust.

When I look back at how I looked in my 20's and even 30's, I've always figured that I had a good metabolism but when I dissect it, I was eating like a thin person. My basic meals were a protein and a veggie, some fruit as a snack and then a daily indulgence of chocolate. This was coupled with some pretty intense working out, too. So, no I wasn't just "lucky", I was dedicated. Dedicated to looking and feeling good.

I haven't really cared about either one in a while. I have multiple food allergies, so I always avoided anything that was on my "no" list. I wouldn't even cheat once. In the past year, I sought out the things that made me feel the worst because then I could just sleep it away. And then I could forget about how miserable I was. My "naps" on the weekend? No shorter than 5 hours.

I knew I had hit rock bottom when I started avoiding get togethers with friends because of being embarassed by how I look. Me! Embarassed by how I look? And to not want my picture taken? When, that was just unheard of.

But that was back in 2012 and this is a new start. I promise to not be all wishy washy depressing. I just have to detox all the crap out of my system so I can find the fun again.

Who's with me??

Monday Morning Sophie

Millie got a new camera for Christmas. She's having  a little trouble centering her subjects.

2013, Here I come!

Okay, so December 21 came and went with nary a blip. I suppose part of me was hoping for some great cataclysmic change. Don't get me wrong. Not an apocalyptic change like world destruction. Just a  cataclysmic change like all of the credit companies deleting everyone's balances, food no longer having calories or men becoming sensitive. Stuff like that.

That being said, December 22 became my "New Year". Instead of waiting until January 1 to make some resolutions, I'm making them now. Although, I've always hated the concept of resolutions so I'll just call them my "life changing actions'. No, that's too dramatic. How about just calling 2013 "The Year of Chrissy."

It's been an odd year and a half. As you know, I lost both of my parents and then my sweet Bernie, within about 10 months. I put on a brave face, "got over it" and went back to business as usual. But that was really only on the outside.

My mother and I had a complicated relationship and it was only right before she died that we realized the extent of her mental illness. She was finally on the proper medications to balance her and she was a completely different person. It saddened both Lisa and I to think about all the time we lost that could have been spent with this happy, loving person and not the tortured soul that we knew.

I realized after she died how much of my life I had lived for her and how hard I had tried to make her happy. It's been tough trying to figure out who I am without her but I'm facing it and working through it. I know now that I need to focus on what's important to me and what I want. The first step is making myself healthy both mentally and physically.

Through all of the ups and downs of the last 4 years (FOUR....WOW), this blog and the wonderful people who choose to read it have made me laugh and given me hope when it seemed there was none in site. It's been a cathartic outlet as well as a gateway to new friendships that I'm so grateful for.

I think this never married 40-something needs to come back home to where all this "magic" happens.

So like it or not, I'm baaaaaack!

xoxo

C Cleveland

 

In lieu of the Griswold's Christmas display, I guess these downtown Cleveland lights will do!

Monday Morning Maddie

I was so thrilled to open my latest Rescue Village Animal Shelter newsletter and to see my sweet Maddie in full color!

Here's the link to the entire newsletter.

Let it ride!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

My sister and I decided to go non-traditional this year and headed to the Horseshoe Casino that opened a few months back here in Cleveland. It opened in the space where my beloved Higbee’s Department Store used to be. We all have our own holiday traditions and included in mine every year was a trip to Higbee’s.

As most stores do, they decorated to the nines at the holidays and I envisioned myself back in the 40’s (my favorite era), lunching with the ladies and shopping for little Jimmy’s new fire engine. Yes….I KNOW there was no little Jimmy and all of my friends were at work but it was MY fantasy so shut it.

Heading to Horseshoe was a way to experience the glitz and glamour of the grand department store only with, you know, poker tables and slot machines. I came with my camera in hand, ready to snap up shots of how they had married some traditional features with the newness of a casino. I excitedly got my camera out and headed toward a security guard.
 

“Can I take pictures inside?”

“Well, yes and no”.

I gave him one of these.

 

He went on to explain.

 

“You can take pictures but there are a few exceptions. You can’t take any picture of the tables. If you want to take pictures of the slots, you can’t take pictures of anyone other than your friend/family playing that machine. You can’t take pictures of other patrons. If you want to take pictures of the chandeliers or other fixtures, you have to point your camera straight up. You can’t take a photo straight ahead from the top of the steps if you want to get an overview shot of the floor….”
 

I think he kept talking but by then I had put my camera back in purse, thanked him and walked away. But I wanted to share some of the interior with you, so I found these online.

 

 

 

It was surprisingly busy for Thanksgiving day but I’m sure that, as mine and Lisa’s life circumstances had changed, everyone had a different reason for being there. Some were actually there with their families and others just wanted to get away from their families.
 

I’m not much of gambler so I cut myself off at $100, which on this day seemed to have happened way sooner than I had hoped. Lisa did a little better than me and when I started feeling lucky, I picked the machines that she would play and I’ll be damned if she didn’t win each time. She had particular luck playing this Dean Martin machine.

 We played it because he’s Dino’s namesake and because I LOVE Dean Martin. Every time you won something, it played a Dean Martin song and we danced around like turkeys. Get it? Turkeys?
 

Like I said, I didn’t fare too well but I’m saving this credit for the next time we go.

 Maybe Christmas day?

Monday Morning Griswolds

You guys! What's wrong with this picture?

This is the house of my neighbors, the Griswolds. I'm sure they live in your neigborhood, too. You know, the ones who always have the BEST holiday decorations? Here are some samples from past years.

Halloween 2009

Christmas 2010

Halloween 2012

The sad picture above was taken today.

Three days after Thankgiving.

What if they aren't going to decorate? How will planes be able to navigate from space? Oh, Clark, say it isn't so!!

Monday Morning Maddie

Haven't you heard? White eyelashes are all the rage!