Okay, so December 21 came and went with nary a blip. I suppose part of me was hoping for some great cataclysmic change. Don't get me wrong. Not an apocalyptic change like world destruction. Just a cataclysmic change like all of the credit companies deleting everyone's balances, food no longer having calories or men becoming sensitive. Stuff like that.
That being said, December 22 became my "New Year". Instead of waiting until January 1 to make some resolutions, I'm making them now. Although, I've always hated the concept of resolutions so I'll just call them my "life changing actions'. No, that's too dramatic. How about just calling 2013 "The Year of Chrissy."
It's been an odd year and a half. As you know, I lost both of my parents and then my sweet Bernie, within about 10 months. I put on a brave face, "got over it" and went back to business as usual. But that was really only on the outside.
My mother and I had a complicated relationship and it was only right before she died that we realized the extent of her mental illness. She was finally on the proper medications to balance her and she was a completely different person. It saddened both Lisa and I to think about all the time we lost that could have been spent with this happy, loving person and not the tortured soul that we knew.
I realized after she died how much of my life I had lived for her and how hard I had tried to make her happy. It's been tough trying to figure out who I am without her but I'm facing it and working through it. I know now that I need to focus on what's important to me and what I want. The first step is making myself healthy both mentally and physically.
Through all of the ups and downs of the last 4 years (FOUR....WOW), this blog and the wonderful people who choose to read it have made me laugh and given me hope when it seemed there was none in site. It's been a cathartic outlet as well as a gateway to new friendships that I'm so grateful for.
I think this never married 40-something needs to come back home to where all this "magic" happens.
So like it or not, I'm baaaaaack!