I think I'm having a midlife crisis. I'm going to be 47 in July and though my life isn't awful, I'm not really where I want to be. It reminds me of this classic Far Side cartoon.
I have the pearls, wine (vodka, actually) and a warm, dry house but I still feel like a Mrs. Wendell.
I'm just not content.
My job is sucking the life out of me and that's no secret. I work for a large healthcare institution and I manage the support staff for one of the specialty institutes. Twenty seven grown women who never learned to play nice in the sandbox when they were kids and have no desire to learn now. Last week, I had an employee come into my office to complain about her co-worker telling her that she was "lazy and doesn't do anything."
I called the other employee into my office and said, "Anne said that you told her she was lazy and doesn't do anything."
Her response? "I never said that! I told her she was a stupid bitch."
I think to myself, This is my life? Being the referee in juvenile disputes between grown adults?
I'm finding it harder and harder to diplomatically "coach" people. I should say, "I know you're feeling frustrated but how do you think you can approach this the next time?" Instead, I hear myself saying, "What the hell is wrong with you??"
I jokingly offer my job to everyone within earshot only to be told, "I would never do your job. How are you not an alcoholic?"
If I could drink at work, I probably would be but the best (worst) I can do is eat. Every time something frustrates me, I find myself wanting to shove food in my mouth. I used to eat like a thin person, only when I was hungry and in moderation. Now I just shove things down my gullet.
I told you guys a while back about this website that I started called My Weight Makeover. I started it because of my mild obsession with seeing how people lost weight and got in shape. It's expanded to a place where I can share the information that I've gathered regarding dieting, nutrition and exercise. I did a complete redesign in the last month and I'm still in the process of reformatting all the pages to the new layout. Next step is figuring out the whole "social media thing" to market it. Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest. I'll have to hire a 15 year old to guide me.
THIS is what I want to do with my life. I want to sit in front of my computer and write about what interests me and then I want to come here and spew my stream of consciousness to anyone who cares to take the time to listen.
Oh. And I want to make a living doing it.
Is that too much to ask?