Secondhand Sunday

Sunday, September 15, 2013

I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I'm re-posting a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


Original Post Date, August 8, 2009

I needed to call Home Depot a few days ago. I reached for the phone to call information and I thought, Why waste the money to call 411 when I can just look it up in a phone book?

I went into the kitchen to get one and I pulled out the first one in a pile of phone books that were in the drawer.

Here we go. White pages in front, yellow in the back. I checked the white pages first. Home Depot.

Guess I'll check the yellow pages in the back.

Hardware Store....nope

Home Improvement....nope

What the heck? What else could it be under?

Paint? nope

Lumber? nope

Okay, I wasn't going to find it there so I pulled out the next phone book.

This one was yellow pages in the front, white in the back.

Again, I checked the white first.


I flipped it shut to check out the title. Maybe I was looking at a residential book. Nope. "Greater Cleveland Business Listings."

I opened it again but this time to the yellow pages in the front.

Hardware store....nope

Home improvement....yes! Home Depot! But there was only one listed and this one was 35 minutes away. My Home Depot is 3 miles up the road.

I flipped it shut again to see if I was looking at a westside book. I live on the eastside. Nope. "Greater-Cleveland-Business-Listings."

Well, it wasn't in there so I pulled out the next book. "Heights area and Surrounding Communities." That's me! I'm Heights Area and Surrounding Communities. Jackpot!

This one was all white pages. Easy enough.

H....Hanson....Herman....Heisley....wait a minute! These were all proper names. I closed the book to check the cover.

"Heights Area and Surrounding Communities
Residential Listings

Son of a bitch!

I threw the phone book on the floor and pulled the next one out, titled "The Real Yellow Pages." Well, it's about damn time.

I was feeling confident so I started with the yellow pages instead of the alphabetical white ones this time. I had luck with Home Improvement before so that was where I began.

H....H-A.....H-E.....H-O....Home Improvement. Home Depot! And there were lots of them.

Mmmmm....not my store....not my store....closer, but no.....nope.....where's that?....nope.

Son of a bitch!

It had to be in there somewhere. These were "The REAL Yellow Pages!"

H.....H-A....Hardware....Home Depot! There were a few more listed so mine must be here.

Mmmmmm....nope, not that still open?.....nope....

Son of a bitch!

I took ALL of the phone books out and threw them on the floor.

I couldn't take it anymore. What happened to TWO phone books? One residential and one business? Why can't I find a goddamn phone number??

I broke down.

"Information? What number, please?"

"Oh God, I can't remember. Let me call you back."


  1. LOL, I laugh, but it sounds so familiar.
    Sometimes its just easier to drive there.
    I've only called imformation maybe twice in my life.

  2. Hell-o Kickie,

    Yes, yes indeed. I have piled those 'books' too. The zoo can shred them up to help de-muck the barns; i had a couple of the newer ones on my basement floor, and when re-visiting Garfield Hts. Metropark put them in their canister trailer, which had a note reading this would be the last time they would collect them there. other than a doorstop, or table leg support, they are only good to add to a bonfire.

  3. A phone book - quaint notion that. A colleague recently suggested one when I couldn't track down a name on and bizarrely enough I found the guy in the phone book.

  4. @Simply Suthern,
    I usually only call from my cell but I was feeling too lazy to drive.

    @slavonic quijote,
    Nice new name! The metroparks won't be taking them anymore? Bonfire sounds like a good option.

    @David Macaulay,
    That's funny. It's seems like more often now those online directories aren't free anymore. Back to the basics.

  5. Chrissy, I remember reading this before but it was so fun to read again!

    "Information? What number, please?"

    "Oh God, I can't remember. Let me call you back."


    Hey listen, we don't even get phone books delivered to our apartment building anymore. So if I need to know a number, I have to CALL information and PAY for them to look up a number. Either that, or I just find it online.

    Hope you had super weekend, girl!

    Wasn't the weather faaaaaaabulous!


  6. @Ron,
    Really, you don't get any? We get a small local one but I think that's about it anymore. Online is easiest as long as my computer is on. Who can wait??

    Yes! The weather was perfection!

  7. I'd rather do any searches on line than have to talk to an operator!! And we do get telephone books delivered to the condo but we never take one.

  8. Jackie McGuinness,
    I don't think most people would take them if they had a choice.


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