Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A few months back, I needed some retail therapy to soothe a bad day. It was raining and since the clocks had just “fallen back”, I didn’t feel like going back out on a cold, dark night so I turned on my computer to browse my favorite eBay store. It’s a vendor in Iowa that buys out department store inventory at the end of the season and resells it. I would tell you their name but I can’t risk that any of you might wear the same size as me.

Since most of the clothing up for auction that week was either evening gowns or bathing suits, I decided to head over to QVC. Now, before you think that I’m one of those house fraus who spends all of her money on Quacker Factory sweatshirts and Marie Osmond limited edition dolls, let me set you straight.

Oh, sure, I aspire to be a house frau, earning my money the old fashioned way...legs spread, feet up in the air.

But I’m not a frau now.

So the most I can afford are the three easy payments for the camera I bought and a semi-monthly recurring charge for WEN hair products.

I’ve seen the WEN infomercial a thousand times and I’m always sucked in, nose pressed against the television screen, studying the "before" and "afters". We all have a favorite feature and admittedly, mine has always been my hair.

I hated my boobs when they were small and I hate them even more now that they’re big. I used to like my eyes until a guy I was dating told me that I had Marty Feldman eyes. I think he meant Bette Davis eyes but I was 21 and impressionable so the eyes came off my fave list. Even today, I’m careful not to stare at people too long without blinking in case they have the urge to swat me with a fly swatter. And I thought I had a perfectly acceptable nose until 7th grade choir, when Margie Sutter was sitting next to me and said, 'So you broke you nose, huh? What a bump you have!'

So you see, by process of elimination, my hair is my (no pun intended) crowning glory.

Lately, though, like most things on my body, it’s starting to show its age. I’ve never minded the little bit of gray I have since I started seeing it as a teenager. But the grays have started multiplying and for those who aren’t aware, the grayer is gets, the coarser it becomes. So instead of walking around with pube like hair on my head, I decided to give Chaz Dean and WEN a shot. Guthy-Renker has never let me down before.

Besides, how cool is the name Chaz?

It almost balances out the fact that their spokesperson is buck toothed Melissa Gilbert who played Laura Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie. Did I mention I couldn’t stand her when I was growing up and secretly hoped that Nellie would accidentally shoot her one day? I can almost hear Harriet now:

"Nels! Come quickly! Our sweet Nellie has shot that dreadful Ingalls girl. You know, the one with the buck teeth?"

Smile before you die, Laura

If you haven't managed to spend 30 minutes watching the WEN infomercial, let me explain to you the magic. It's not a shampoo, it's a cleansing conditioner. This means that you don't have to shampoo and condition because it's all done in one step. It's weird the first time you try it. Since is has no detergents and sulfates, it doesn't lather.

I admit, it's a little pricey, but I'm only buying one product and it lasts me 6 weeks. It averages out to $6.00/week which is less than a cup of coffee a day.

See how I'm justifying the cost?

The only thing I don't buy into, is The Saw Cut Shower Comb. They send you an instructional DVD that shows you how to wash your hair.

This is how we wash our hair, wash our hair, wash our hair...

Part of the process includes using this wide toothed comb to be sure that the product is distributed evenly throughout your hair.

Guess how much it is.


C'mon, guess.

$5.00, you say?





For a freakin' plastic comb.

Here's the one I use.

I bought it at the dollar store.


AND mine has multiple uses.

Have you ever seen SUCH volume?

Hey, you know what? Since you're such a good friend, I'll let you take this comb off my hands for just $9.95.

Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you hanging. I love love love WEN! My hair is so soft but it still has body. Even my hairdresser noticed a change and I hadn't even told her about it.

Oh geez, now I sound like an infomercial!


  1. Well!?! Don't leave me hanging! Does it work?

  2. Ooooh, I keep seeing the infomercial for that body improvement program that's all letters and numbers? *dreams* Man, I could get ripped in no time! Or maybe just ripped off, who knows? By the way, your eyes are lovely. Bloody idiot big-mouth-small-brained kids! Indigo

  3. Ha what a great post! i am keeping my gray someone said it was nice and I aim to please. So does the Wen work like a champ?

  4. I think the eyes and the breasts are spectacular.

  5. ohh I let my grays creep up for a few months..ugh didn't like it, back to chocolate brown again....and hey does the wen work???

  6. There was an ad for a house frau?

  7. Luckily, I don't have any hair left on my head to care for (most of it gone thanks to genetic backlash, the rest shaved to give an even impression) so, basically, I can say I don't have grey hair. You see, no hair = no grey hair either! Now, as a man who hates to shave too often, I have noticed some grey hair sticking out of my cheeks, above my lip, in on word: in my beard. For the moment, I try the 'My God! I'm growing blonde hair again!'-subterfuge. Does that wen-product of yours work on beard-hair, too? Btw, I find that Chaz-character as endearing as that Ugh-spokesperson (me too, I was always secretly hoping someone'd shoot her; I HATE smug little girls). Could he be Melissa Gilbert's gay brother ('coz he don't look very straight, Ma'am)? Ah, before I forget: Happy New Year to you, keep it up and going! Cheers, Dieter

  8. OMG, I was laughing so hard through this post, I was coughing!

    "Oh, sure, I aspire to be a house frau, earning my money the old fashioned way...legs spread, feet up in the air."


    "Nels! Come quickly! Our sweet Nellie has shot that dreadful Ingalls girl. You know, the one with the buck teeth?"


    You are a freakin' RIOT, girl!

    And the photos of you using the comb on Vinny and Bern are hilarious!

    I can't believe being an ex-stylist, I've never hear of WEN products!?!

    Glad to hear it works. Your hair look stunning!


  9. I am a former shopaholic… I used to spend HOURS watching HSN & sometimes QVC. I have seen the WEN products & was always curious, but never bought. ;) Retail therapy is good, but it leads me to needing more therapy. Ha!

    Enjoyed the post.

  10. @Comet Girl,
    Works like a charm!

    I'm a sucker for all those exercise ones. You know, anything really works if you just get your butt moving. And keep it moving! Thank you for the compliment, love! :-)

    @Simply Suthern,
    You're so my BFF.

    LOVE gray hair! Keep it. And yes, WEN rocks!

    Thank you mystery person. :-)

    Really? You can go a few months? I'm reaching for the bottle at 3 weeks.

    @R. Jacob,
    I like your new pic! Are you hiring?

    You have such a handsome face, you don't need hair!

    You know who was gay was Laura's husband "manly". Although, I do think you're right about Chaz!

    Happy New Year to you, too!

    I forgot you were a hairdresser but now I remember. Shampoo and a blow job! HA HA HA HA!!

    If you've never heard of it that just means that you have better things to do than me in the wee hours of the morning. Thanks, I really do love it. My hair isn't that red, though. I'm not sure why it looks so light.

    Bern and Vin both LOVED the comb! I might need to spend two bucks and get them each one.

    @Miss Sara,
    My sister used to spend a lot of time on both and I totally made fun of her. She's getting the last laugh now.

  11. am I really that much of a mystery? How is the neck, after the crash?

  12. Looks like something I need, I too hate the pube hairdo... I too am (sadly) greying. My hair is a mess, I look like one of those crazy cat ladies who feed the pigeons in the park and wear sagging nylons... Maybe I'll be more zen with wen!

    Cheers! Thanks for the laughter...
    my cyber house rules

  13. @Anonymous,
    Neck is better, thanks. Can't get my car fixed until the stupid cop finishes his report! How long does it take? He told me I was the first accident of the year in the little village that it happened in.

    @Miss Nikki,
    Listen to you. You're a poet and you didn't even know it!


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