Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Okay, so I haven't given you an update on my adventure because there's really not much to tell.

Online dating is still online dating. It's the bar scene of the new millenium.

As you know, my goal wasn't to find a relationship but to just get out there and casually date. Apparently, I was barking up the wrong man tree because it seemed like every guy I dated wanted way more than I did. I have to admit, it feels weird to be on the opposite end of this equation. I'm used to being the one who wants a relationship and being told that they don't.

Nice guys I met aside, let me give you a sample of what I had to choose from:


52-year-old man
Beachwood, Ohio, United States
seeking women 18-35
within 50 miles of Beachwood, Ohio, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: Yes, and they live at home (1)
Want kids: Definitely
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian

I am a tall handsome sub looking for mommy to serve and take care of every day any way she needs. I am tied up now and want to be set free. please mommy come rescue me. I love displine and need a lot of correction from my new mommy.

Fine women that are married with kids or women that love cheating on men or only looking sex.

As you can see, he's so anxious, he didn't even have time to correct his grammar.

40-year-old man
Cleveland, Ohio, United States
seeking women 18-50
within 50 miles of Cleveland, Ohio, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Someday
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian

healping police and ems any 911 call
love meet women on line going for walk with my dog talking on line to women

im a 40year old i live in cleveland ohio all my life
im a good man i love working for y self out my home i llove helping police ems fire that way i open a emergency service out my home i love to fine a woman that will speen her time get to no me beter and go from there togeter

I was really on the fence with this one because I do think it's important to speen time get to no someone.

I got a wink from the Cleveland firefighter who was indicted for raping women he met on Match about 5 years ago. He was either cleared or he's finally out of prison. Luckily, when he emailed me 5 years ago, we went back and forth a few times online but I decided his ears were too big.

My shallowness probably saved me from a really bad situation.

I wasn't going to post pictures of men from Match but I'm just going to make some objective observations so you can understand my journey.

If you are 50, please post pictures of how you look TODAY, not when you were 25. I looked way better then, too, but c'mon, eventually people are gonna realize that's not how you look now. This guy says he's 48. Um, not in this picture. Don't his parents look thrilled?

Don't try to convince me that these are 6 months apart.

I feel bad for this man because it looks like all of his friends watched that video from The Ring and will be dead in 7 days.

What year is this? It looks like it was taken with a Kodak Instamatic.

This guy called me weird when I told him I thought he lived too far away.

I can't tell you how many of these there are. Don't you have a timer on your camera or a friend that could take a picture?

Hey, guy, you can crop people out, you know.

We get it. You have a stethoscope and a lab coat. Wait...don't tell me...are you a DOCTOR?

Sir, did you want to purchase a gym membership or not?

I think his name was Jason..

This last one is my favorite. I told my sister that some guy sent me a picture of his girly boobs and she scolded me, saying that he probably has a medical condition called Gynecomastia and that I shouldn't make fun of him.

I sent her this picture.

Lisa's response,"Whoa. Now those are some moobs!"


  1. Love it! And how come all of the 50 year old dudes only want to date 20-30 year olds?! I've looked at some of their pictures and can't imagine some of them being able to snare a 70-year old.

  2. Hey, I can't even get a reply. Don't be greedy!

  3. Okay, NOW I know why you're still single. BY CHOICE! (I'm gonna go dismantle my profile)

  4. I am amazed. This makes me so happy, not that I am looking, but like a horse race I just moved up in class. Spell check? Picture? And the age requirement? Age brings with it something in common with music, lifestyle, remember when stuff. Keep it up guys!

  5. I can completely sympathize with you on the online dating front. I think most of the people I've come across are murders or child molesters. I have one guy who messaged me every day for a year, even after I told him I wasn't interested.

    Good luck in your casual dating adventures!

  6. Bless your heart. If something happens to my husband I think I'll just become a lesbian. The thought of another man, even those loosers, seeing me naked makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

  7. ...yeah, and my Wahl doesn't even have to talk or use spell check and it leaves when I ask it to...

  8. I had lunch with a gorgeous guy yesterday (strictly business, but nice to look at anyway) who told me stories of his and his friends horrific online dating experiences. I was happy to know that the men have really bad stories too. They just weren't as funny as yours! (Well, I suppose it would be too much if he were funny and gorgeous.)
    Anyway, sorry it's so difficult out there, but I laughed out loud at this post, several times!

  9. Okay, first I have to say that this post is so freakin' awesome, I could die from laughter!

    Second, you're responses are without a doubt the most HILARIOUS things I've ever read!!!

    "I was really on the fence with this one because I do think it's important to speen time get to no someone."

    Bwhahahahahahahahhahaha! Brilliant!

    I mean come on, do ANY of these guys know how to use SPELL CHECK?????

    And why is it that these 40 and 50 year old men are always looking for 18 year old girls?

    Perhaps to help them with their SPELLING?????

    Fab post, girl! Brava!


  10. Bad thing is they think they are normal. The really Sad thing is thats where normal is leaning towards.

    lord help us all.

  11. OMG, I'm so glad to be out of the dating pool.

  12. Oh dear, these pictures remind me of when I was doing OKC. It got to the point that I specifically said in my profile, that I wouldn't respond to to any approaches that involved bad spelling/and/or text speech. Also, any photographs taken in the bathroom or via visible camera. Or any profiles that mentioned the words 'hung, thick, sexually, expressive and good'.

    I got a lot of emails telling me that I wasn't good enough to be that picky. (My response? "I absolutely agree; don't waste your obviously valuable time.")

    I also ended up with a guy who makes me really happy. Correction: we make each other really happy.

    It CAN work. (But last ditch attempt - he was actually onsite just to delete his profile after six months, when he was intrigued by my message).

  13. Well, Chrissy, if I were single, living in Cleveland, and looking for casual dating, I'd definately send you photos of my man boobs.

  14. LOL! that was hilarious!!! option 1: douchebag option 2: fucking retard option 3: screw these men and come date me! :)

  15. so funny... love it.. it's not all bad... but I had some horror stories too!

  16. @I'm Jane,
    Funny! Yeah, I don't get that at all.

    Fuckwits, they are!

    @.end transmission,
    I'm sure yours is charming as hell. And grammatically correct, too!

    @R. Jacob,
    You're so funny!


    @Comet Girl,
    Well, yeah, there is that to look forward to. Thanks for reminding me.

    You're crazy! LOL!

    Somehow I take no comfort in his dating trials. Do you think he's interested in something long distance??

    I never thought about that. The young girls can bring all the new words they learned in their spelling bee!

    @Simply Suthern,
    Thanks for that sobering thought.

    You're so lucky! And you have such a cutie!

    Aw, sweet. :-) It was fate for you guys!

    @Christopher Zimmerman,
    I bet you say that to all the girls...

    I'm packing for Jersey now!

    @Clare and Gary,
    Oh, it's pretty bad. :-)

  17. OMG, I have not laughed so hard for awhile. I tired a couple years was my first try at on-line dating. What an eye-opener.

    After 3 months of that I decided to only browse the free sights - most of the same guys are on all of them...

    And after a few months of that...well, I have taken a long hiatus...

    But I am leaning toward going back into does have entertainment value if nothing else.

    Thanks for sharing.

  18. @Phillipia,
    The same guys are on ALL of them. I try to search for the ones whose profiles say "new".

    Yes, if for nothing else, you get some great blog material!

  19. It only looks like I am on all of them!


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