No Match.com

Okay, so I haven't given you an update on my Match.com adventure because there's really not much to tell.

Online dating is still online dating. It's the bar scene of the new millenium.

As you know, my goal wasn't to find a relationship but to just get out there and casually date. Apparently, I was barking up the wrong man tree because it seemed like every guy I dated wanted way more than I did. I have to admit, it feels weird to be on the opposite end of this equation. I'm used to being the one who wants a relationship and being told that they don't.

Nice guys I met aside, let me give you a sample of what I had to choose from:


BACHELOR #1
52-year-old man
Beachwood, Ohio, United States
seeking women 18-35
within 50 miles of Beachwood, Ohio, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: Yes, and they live at home (1)
Want kids: Definitely
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian

I am a tall handsome sub looking for mommy to serve and take care of every day any way she needs. I am tied up now and want to be set free. please mommy come rescue me. I love displine and need a lot of correction from my new mommy.

Fine women that are married with kids or women that love cheating on men or only looking sex.

As you can see, he's so anxious, he didn't even have time to correct his grammar.


BACHELOR #2
40-year-old man
Cleveland, Ohio, United States
seeking women 18-50
within 50 miles of Cleveland, Ohio, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Someday
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian

healping police and ems any 911 call
love meet women on line going for walk with my dog talking on line to women

im a 40year old i live in cleveland ohio all my life
im a good man i love working for y self out my home i llove helping police ems fire that way i open a emergency service out my home i love to fine a woman that will speen her time get to no me beter and go from there togeter

I was really on the fence with this one because I do think it's important to speen time get to no someone.


BACHELOR #3
I got a wink from the Cleveland firefighter who was indicted for raping women he met on Match about 5 years ago. He was either cleared or he's finally out of prison. Luckily, when he emailed me 5 years ago, we went back and forth a few times online but I decided his ears were too big.

My shallowness probably saved me from a really bad situation.


I wasn't going to post pictures of men from Match but I'm just going to make some objective observations so you can understand my journey.


If you are 50, please post pictures of how you look TODAY, not when you were 25. I looked way better then, too, but c'mon, eventually people are gonna realize that's not how you look now. This guy says he's 48. Um, not in this picture. Don't his parents look thrilled?




Don't try to convince me that these are 6 months apart.






I feel bad for this man because it looks like all of his friends watched that video from The Ring and will be dead in 7 days.



What year is this? It looks like it was taken with a Kodak Instamatic.



This guy called me weird when I told him I thought he lived too far away.



I can't tell you how many of these there are. Don't you have a timer on your camera or a friend that could take a picture?



Hey, guy, you can crop people out, you know.



We get it. You have a stethoscope and a lab coat. Wait...don't tell me...are you a DOCTOR?



Sir, did you want to purchase a gym membership or not?



I think his name was Jason..


This last one is my favorite. I told my sister that some guy sent me a picture of his girly boobs and she scolded me, saying that he probably has a medical condition called Gynecomastia and that I shouldn't make fun of him.

I sent her this picture.





Lisa's response,"Whoa. Now those are some moobs!"