Oprah and I are embarassed

Oprah's show came back out of reruns this week and the series is being touted as Best Life Week after she admitted on Monday's show that she's "embarassed that she's still talking about her weight after all these years." I'm embarassed, too, Oprah. For me.

I never really had to pay attention to my weight or work at maintaining it. I'm 5'9 so even if I gained 10 pounds, no one ever noticed but me. I steadily maintained about 145 pounds and wore a size 6 or 8.

I even worked for Jenny Craig when I was in my 20's. During consultations, I would listen to these women in their 30's and 40's talking about how they just couldn't figure out how they had gained 50 pounds and I would think to myself, "Didn't you realize when you had gained 10 pounds or 20. How did it get to 50?"

Then I hit 38 years old and it gradually started creeping up on me. The words of those Jenny Craig clients started to resonate in my head when I would go to put on my skinny jeans and be unable to get them past my knees.

Today I weigh 170 pounds and wear a size 10 or 12. Ouch. That's painful to see in writing. Now I'm getting the "you look great for your age" remarks. For my age? WTF. I want to look great. Period. I want construction workers to hoot and men in suits to make inappropriate comments. I want my mojo back. Do people still say mojo? God, I'm getting old.

My problem isn't really with food in general. I know that doesn't really make sense but I have a lot of food allergies and consequently a lot of restrictions to what I can eat. However, I have no allergy to candy, ice cream and other sinful goodies. I spent the the month of December eating like a teenager whose parents are out of town for the weekend. Okay, maybe it started in May but I became more public with it in December. You know, you jump on the "it's the holidays, everyone's doing it" bandwagon.

Oprah and I started our diets this week and so far so good. However, I'm feeling extra bloated and I couldn't really figure out why. Then I remembered that I had eaten a half gallon of ice cream. And a can of Reddi Whip. And a pound of M & M's. And a pizza. And a box of those Little Debbie Christmas tree brownies. And that was just Wednesday. So, you can see, I have a little problem with moderation. Eating to fill a void? Yup. I told you I have issues.