I'm so weak

I’ve never been much of a coffee drinker. Tea is more my taste. But I was out Christmas shopping with my friend Debbie at the beginning of December and she insisted that we stop at Starbucks so she could get her daily Chai Tea.

I was feeling a little adventurous that day (which should give you a clue about me, since I actually think that drinking coffee is an adventurous endeavor) and I decided to try the Peppermint Mocha Twist. With whole milk, whipped cream and sprinkles, of course. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Maybe a little overly dramatic, but consider the source.

I’ve been indulging myself at least once or twice a week ever since to the tune of $4.25 a cup; an outrageous and disgusting expense but hey, I’m worth it. I figured no harm since a chocolate, minty intoxicant like this is surely a holiday drink and will only be available for a limited time.

Nope. Apparently you can get them all year long. As the coffee frau told me this, I was at once filled with exhilaration and shame. I loved our secret moments together but was I becoming one of those Starbucks addicts that I make fun of? And would I need to start carpooling to pay for my addiction?

I thought the perfect solution had come my way when I finally paid attention to the inundation of McDonald’s McCafe commercials that I had tried to drown out every hour on the hour. What’s this? McDonald’s introduced fancy coffee drinks that I wouldn’t have to pay and arm and a leg for? And I could actually walk into a meeting at work proudly holding my McDonald’s coffee cup and no one would know my dirty little secret? I bundled myself and Bernie up (my 7 year old Beagle) and drove to the nearest McDonald’s drive thru. The line was long but I saw the object of my affections staring back at me from a sign next to the counter inside so I knew it would be worth the wait.

It was finally our turn and I eagerly leaned my head out the window, “Mocha coffee, please”, my hot breath trailing my desires in the cold night air.

“We don’t got ‘em yet.”

I paused for a minute, sure that I had misunderstood.

“Mocha coffee”, I repeated.

“I said, we don’t got ‘em until January.”

I was speechless. I looked at Bernie. She looked at me. But what about the commercials and the promises they made to me? It was only December 20. How could this be?

I drove forward and away toward another McDonald’s. It must have been a mistake. Maybe an oversight on the part of the manager, ordering too little coffee to keep up with the demand.

“Mocha coffee, please.”

“We won’t have them until January.”

Speechless again, although glad to see this kid had better grammatical skills than the last, I sped toward home feeling defeated and betrayed. I logged onto the McDonald’s website and registered my complaint for the litany of false advertising I would have to endure for at least another 2 weeks. In the other room, I could hear the McDonald’s jingle resonate from the television and I was certain that one of the McCafe commercials had just run. Bastards.

I vowed then to never try a McCafe coffee if my life depended on it. “Bah da bah bah bah, I’m NOT loving it!”

Well, it’s January 5. And before I went to sleep last night, I thumbed through the coupon and magazine inserts from the Sunday paper and what did I see? A McCafe insert. HAH! Screw you and your false advertising McDonald’s! You lost a potential coffee customer in me, buddy.

What’s this? A coupon for a FREE small McCafe drink? So you just think you can just tease me for a month and now it's all okay because you're giving it to me for FREE??

I’m such a whore. I’ll let you know how it is.