Why, no, I never have been married

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Let me give you a little insight into why I’m single. I just received a text message from a 41 year old guy that I met on Plentyoffish.com a few months ago. I’ve been on and off Match.com for a few years now. Okay 7 years, but who’s counting? Well, one day I came across a banner ad touting this FREE dating site. And you know how much I like free…

I haven’t really dated much in a few years. My most recent relationships were with guys I met on line who were about 10 years older than me. The last serious one broke up with me in an email after 10 months. Yep. Email. Ten months. He was 45.

I became casually acquainted with this girl at work last year and through conversations, we realized we were both the same age. (I would guess I was younger, but I digress) I had single guy friends and she had single guy friends so we figured let’s throw everyone in a room and see if anything sticks, so to speak. We went out right before Valentine’s Day, sort of an anti-Valentine’s Day gathering. I wasn’t really interested in meeting anyone, I was more excited about seeing my friends.

Long story, short, I met this great guy and we went out for a few months. We really connected and I loved spending time with him. I’m past planning my wedding by the second date and I don’t go into things with unrealistic expectations. I knew he really wasn’t over his ex girlfriend but we were having fun so I wasn’t worried about how long it might last. We seemed to have found a great level of friendship and mutual respect. And he was hot.

Then he broke up with me in a email. An email. A 42 year old man broke up with me in an email. It was sort of convoluted in its message. "I want to take a little time for myself and see where I'm at.....I care about you and respect you".....I even sent it to my sister, Lisa, and said. “Did he just break up with me?’ ‘Um, yes. Yes, he did.” A few email exchanges later revealed that the real reason was that he wasn't over the last chick. Well, then just say that.

I thought men were evolving, getting more in touch with their feelings, being more communicative. Um, no. No, they’re not. And this information age just makes it easier for wimpy men to be wimpier.

Back to the text I got tonight. I met this manly man firefighter in September-ish and we went out a few times. I got the feeling that he wasn’t really into me and he proved it by disappearing for long stretches only to text me “What’s up?” a month later.

If you want to go out, say “Would you like to go out?” Don’t ask me all these questions around the question you want to ask.

Emails…text messages…I can’t take it anymore. Pick up the damn phone! You’re on the phone texting anyway. I blame the feminists for this. I’m as independent as they come, but c’mon, a little chivalry is nice and romance is very flattering. I’m afraid we’ve created men who are afraid we’ll say no and more afraid we’ll say yes. I half expect a guy to pull my hair in line at the grocery store if he’s interested.

This is why I spend so much time with my dog, Bernie. I can say "Bernie and I had a great weekend. Bernie and I went to the Hamptons" and no one is the wiser. Well, we haven't actually gone to the Hamptons , but it's our dream. You get my point.

I know you're dying to know how the McCafe coffee was. Drum roll, please.......

This time I went inside. I was prepared to sit in a booth, sipping my mocha cafe, enjoying the McArt work on the wall.. Guess what? They didn't have any coffee. None. I asked to see the manager. (but you saw that one coming..) This tiny little Asian man emerged from behind the fryer.

"No coffee yet."

"I see that", I responded, "but I'm confused since you've been advertising for about 6 weeks now and I just got this nifty coupon in the mail." I waved it for effect.

He stared at me blankly, "No coffee yet."

"Uh huh. You mentioned that. Any idea when you might have it in?"


"Do the other McDonald's have it?"

"I don't know"

I threw my flyer down on the counter but then I remembered there was also a coupon for BOGO on Big Macs so I snatched it back up. I stormed out, mutttering under my breath.

Maybe I should ask the manager to text me when it comes in.

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