Secondhand Sunday

I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I'm re-posting a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


"SUCK THIS!"

Original Post Date, July 1, 2010


I finally took the time to weed and mulch in front of my house. I picked the hottest day of the year but it was oddly therapeutic to dig my hands in the dirt (sans gloves) and whack! whack! whack! those weeds out. I'm still not able to stand in an upright position yet but I'm sure that will come with time.

My father is quite the stickler about the yard and since he isn't able to do his this year, I headed over there to weed, plant flowers and mulch after I finished my house.


My pretty little angel windchime that clinks under my bedroom window

My sister was pretty impressed with what a good job I did and asked me if I would help her with a bed in her backyard.

Sure, I say, No problem!

Well, I went last Friday night and I decided to take Bernie with me. Big mistake since my placid, sweet Bernie turns into Cujo around Lisa's dog, Stewie. I can't really blame her, though. We older bitches get total attitudes when we're around someone younger and perkier.

Where was I going with this?

Oh, right! Mosquitoes.

So Lisa tells me that I better stop around 8:00 because the mosquitoes will start to come out in droves.

"No problem!", I say. I keep weeding.

The next morning, I woke up with no fewer than 15 mosquito bites. Six were on my ass. I jokingly thought, well at least someone wants to get close to my ass. Then I remembered that only female mosquitoes bite and not males. Maybe Mother Nature got wind of my latent homosexual tendencies and is trying to tell me something.

Did you know that when a female bites, she injects you with an anticoagulant so that your blood won't clot as she's sucking it down?



It also keeps the blood from clotting in her stomach since she needs the protein in your blood to mature her eggs.

No one is really certain why some people are more prone to mosquito bites than others but one theory is that larger people tend to attract them because they release more carbon dioxide which the mosquitoes detect.

Shut it! I know I'm larger.

The males die three to five days after mating while a female can live up to two months and lays 100-300 eggs every third day.

Kinda makes you have a new found respect for mosquitoes doesn't it?

NAHHHHHH!!! Kill the bastards. I mean, bitches.