Monday Morning Chrissy

OMG. Worst week ever!

I don't even want to get out of bed today and go back to work. Hopefully, I'll have some time to fill you in this week.

I really need to find a new job soon because this one is literally making me physically sick.

Monday Morning Everyone

 

 

We're staying in bed until it's really Spring!

Secondhand Sunday

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.



"Am I smarter than a 1st grader?"

Original Post Date, April 10, 1012

I think I’m getting dumber as I age. Or is it, more dumb? Either way, I just don’t feel as mentally sharp as I used to. I think I smell worse, too, but that’s another discussion.

I have always prided myself on being able to think on my feet and complete tasks with both speed and accuracy. Maybe it’s just an inevitable consequence of aging, but I feel like I’m thinking slower than before. I’m not quite to the “riding the short bus” level of slowness but I won’t be applying for “Jeopardy” any time soon, either.

I was off last Monday, lying on my couch in the middle of the afternoon, watching TV. There was something about people living on disability and so I googled “Disability for mental illness” thinking it might be a good career move for my decreasing intelligence.

I reviewed the eligibility categories:

Schizophrenia – I’m pretty sure I don’t have this but I do have Quadrophenia by The Who

Mental retardation - I had this once when I dated a guy that I was pretty sure had killed his last girlfriend and buried her in the backyard. It passed when we broke up.

Anxiety - Thank you, Prozac.

  

Depression -  See above.

Substance abuse disorders - I’m working on this one as I type.

I fell asleep in the middle of filling out the application and I woke to a commercial talking about improving my brain.

It was touting the benefits of a website called Lumosity. This cognitive training website was developed by neuroscientists to help improve your mental abilities. I was intrigued and bored enough to give it a look-see.

The first thing I always want to know is how much something costs. Lumosity offers a three day trial, which only after you sign up, allows you to access the pricing scale. I’ll share it with you here since I signed up. C’mon, you know I’m a sucker for FREE:

1 month $14.95

Yearly $6.70/month, billed in one installment of $80.40.

Two years $4.49/month, billed in one installment of $107.76

Or Lifetime for $299.95 which would be a good deal, if we all weren’t all going to be dead on December 21, 2012 as the Mayan calendar professes.

You start by answering some simple questions about memory, attention, speed, flexibility and problem solving. The allows Lumosity to create a personalized training program just for you. I had fun with the 3 day trial so I decided to sign up for a month.

There's a page called The Science behind Lumosity where they talk about all the scientific studies that have been done showing how cognitive training extends beyond the actual game itself into real life. I think everyone can draw their own conclusions.

I, for one, think the results have been amazing. I mean, just the other day I......wait, what was I talking about?

You've got mail

I honestly don't remember ordering all this stuff. QVC and Amazon must have a partnership with Ambien.

I love poo poo

Paper, that is!

I doggy sat my next door neighbor family's new dog over the weekend. Her name is Shadow and they inherited her from a family friend who passed away. She looks like a little Toto dog with white paws and she is just about as cute as cute can be!



 

 

We didn't really have much interaction with her prior besides barking at her through the window when she's in the backyard. I didn't know how it was going to work out but their original sitter fell through so I wanted to help out.

 

 

I brought her over after dinner and walks and they all got along smashingly!

 

 

 

 

 

Nice to meet you...

 

 

Millie thought I brought Shadow's bed over for her to sleep in which didn't matter since Shadow decided to sleep in the bed with all of us anyway.

 

 

 

My neighbors took their kids to Oglebay Resort in Wheeling, West Virginia and as a thank you, they brought me back some Elephant Poo Poo Paper. Oh...so, that's what she meant by, I love poo poo.

 

I was intrigued so I went online to find out the background and then I realized that there was a whole history written on the ribbon binding the box.

 

Dino had to check to see if it smelled like poo poo.

There's this cool company called, Alternative Pulp and Paper Co, Ltd, and they believe that they can "balance their commercial pursuits and be good stewards of our shared environment."

LOVE them!

In a nutshell, no trees are destroyed to make their paper. They use alternative pulp sources and only natural soy inks and non-edible food coloring. To make the elephant poo poo paper, which was their first product, they initially gather the dung from elephant conservation parks. The process is pretty cool.

1. Collect the poo
2. Pre-rinse it with water, leaving only the fibrous materials from the grasses, bamboo and fruits they elephants have eaten.
3. Boil the fibers in water so they're super clean. At this point, colors can be added.
4. Natural fibers from banana trees and pineapples are added to make the paper thicker and stronger.
5. The fibers are then separated into small cakes and spread evenly over a mesh bottomed tray.
6. The tray is then leaned against a tree and angled toward the sun to dry.
7. Once dry, the sheet of paper is removed and, voila! Poo poo paper products can be made!

 

Love the texture. Who knew elephant dung could be so chic?

But, wait, this company rocks even more. A percentage of their profits go back to elephant and wildlife conservation efforts and to support organizations and schools in their focus on the environment.

AND...love this part.....Alternative Paper and Pulp Co. operates a flex-work cottage-based manufacturing production framework in Thailand where the crafts people that they employ (95% women) can work at home with a fair wage and benefits.

You can read more about them HERE and shop their Poo-tique.

I wonder if they can make paper out of dog poop yet.....



Monday Morning Chrissy

 

 

This is what you get when a beagle is excited to show you the squirrel in the tree. Thanks, Dino.

Have a Happy Easter!

If you dare.....

Color me excited

So, you guys...listen to this!

 

You know how I told you how jazzed I was about coloring my hair at home with eSalon? Well, their community manager, Chloe, saw my post and was so so happy that I was so so happy, that she wants to offer all of YOU a special 50% discount off your first purchase from eSalon!

 

Yay!

 

I used eSalon again this month, and no, it wasn't just a fluke, I love it just as much the second time around.

 

So tell your friends, neighbors and countrymen(and women) to go HERE to get this special offer from eSalon.

 

 

 

 

Okay, maybe don't tell this guy. He probably can't use it.

 

Say, Thank You, Chloe....

 

 

I'll take the cupcakes, please

Guess what I did now?

Here's a hint. When I ask this question, it's a pretty safe bet to respond:

a. Cut your knee (s) open
b. Fell down
c. Sprained an ankle
d. Tripped over your own feet

In this case, the answer would be "e", all of the above.

I was feeling overly generous on the Friday before St. Patrick's Day and decided to buy something yummy for my staff. I stopped at the bakery and bought two dozen cupcakes, decorated in green and white frosting. (AND, I even decided to buy these even though I have given up sweets for Lent. Does my generosity never cease??)

As I rode the elevator down the eight floors from the roof of the parking garage with a guy in scrubs, I thought to myself, "I bet he wishes he worked in my department."

We reach the ground floor and he motions for me to get out first. Yay! You know how much I love elevator etiquette! I get out, head to the right, go through the door to the street and proceeded to tumble down three steps to the concrete sidewalk.

SLAM!!

I probably could have stopped myself from falling by grabbing the railing but since I was holding both boxes, I didn't have that option. The cupcakes went flying, I twisted both ankles and somehow managed to end up with bloody knees through my pants.

I sat their stunned for a moment as 'scrubs guy' rushed to see if I was ok.

"Son of a BITCH!", I yelled out. "My poor cupcakes." I was half laughing (cuz I have been here SO many times before) and half pissed.

Scrubs guy tried to make light of the situation, "I think you can save some of them." But it was useless. There was cake and buttercream frosting all over the sidewalk.

I thanked him for stopping to help, picked up the cupcake pieces parts and tossed them in the trash. I was in pain but I really didn't think that I had hurt myself as bad as I did. I looked down and saw frosting all over my rings and knuckles so I stopped in the bathroom on the way to my office which is where I saw the bloody carnage inflicted upon my knees.

There was a girl in there fixing her hair in front of one of the sinks so I went to the other and put my hands under the automatic faucet. It didn't turn on.

I did it again.

Nothing.

I said aloud to myself, "I must be invisible" and waved my hands again. This time the water came on.

I washed the frosting off my fingers and rings and turned around to the automatic dryer. I placed my hands under the dryer on the right.

Nothing.

I placed my hands under the dyer on the left.

Nothing.

I turned to the girl who was still fixing her hair in the mirror.

"You can SEE me, right?"

She looked at me like I was nuts and nodded 'yes'.

I was hoping that I was dreaming and that I hadn't fallen and hurt myself YET AGAIN.

Maybe for the next holiday, I'll just give them stickers.

Jumping Back into Dating After Divorce

Going through a divorce can leave you deflated, depressed and feeling anything but confident. While it may seem like these feelings will last forever, I promise there will come a time when you'll be ready to get up, dust off the past and move on. But when that moment comes, you might find that dating no longer looks like it once did. You'll probably feel rusty, might not even remember how to flirt, and worse of all, feel intimidated or unsure about sleeping with someone else. These are all completely normal feelings. It's almost like going back to being an awkward teenager, except you don't have acne and have a whole lot more baggage.

It's important that you go into dating with a different mind than you once did. Read these tips on dating post divorce if you feel like you're ready to get back out there.

Introspection--
You need to be honest with yourself. What are you looking for? Do you want to dive back in and find someone to marry? Are you looking for a friend with some added benefits or just want someone nice to hang out with on the weekends. Be honest with yourself and honest with the people you meet. At this age, everyone's expectations are different and you'll end up hurting yourself or someone else just because you weren't able to articulate what you want.

Settling--
Many people who get divorced feel like they settled for whatever length of time they were married and don't want to do it again. However, while consciously thinking that, you may find that you like the attention you're getting from someone. It's new, it's refreshing and makes you feel good, but all the while you know this person is not what you want--not even close. Don't fall victim to using people to fill voids in your life or to give you what you should be giving yourself.

Date around--
The world has changed a lot since you were out there last. You're in a new dating age bracket and may find that you are attracted to completely different qualities and appearances than you once were, because of this it's important that you date around. Join an online dating site or have friends set you up with their friends, but don't feel like you can only go out with one person at a time. You're a free agent now, so go on a new date every few days until you find someone worth spending some time with.

Boost yourself--
You may find that your divorce has left you feeling a little less than confident and that might be getting in the way of dating or affecting your dates. If that's the case, it's time to nix the self-doubt and get into action. First off, know that with new people comes a new slate. There aren't all those negative feelings that you and your partner shared. It's likely the people you're going on date with think you're absolutely stunning, so don't assume otherwise. However, as always, if you're not happy with yourself do something about it. Change your eating habits, pick up an exercise routine or find some new hobbies that make you happy. This will not only feel great, but also make you more of an interesting person to potential mates.

Sexy Time--
When it comes to sex, you may be feeling a little out of touch, whether it be with yourself or with others. Get back into the groove by getting to know yourself again. Relearn what turns you on and gets you there. Want a little help? Adam and Eve has vibrators and other great toys to do the trick. Move on to a new mate once you feel comfortable with yourself and just know that the first time might be awkward. However, it's important you research your birth control options. Safe sex is imperative for anyone casually dating, no matter what age you are, even if you can't physically get pregnant or impregnate someone. Also don't be ashamed to brush up on some sex moves by watching porn or reading a few how-to articles. It's totally normal to feel a little lost after engaging in the same routine for so many years.

Finally the only way to enjoy sex with someone else is to ditch the ex sex. If you're still sleeping with your ex, take a step back and ask yourself why. You'll ultimately cause more harm than good and not allow yourself to move on.

Trial and Error--
Things don't seem to be working? Just keep getting out there. Be ready for rejection, for your heart to break, for you to break someone else's heart. Learning from trial and error is your best bet to successful dating.

Monday Morning Sophie

 

 

"I thought you said it was Spring? Wake me when it stops snowing."

Secondhand Sunday

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.



"My X Factor"

Original Post Date, March 27, 2009



Back in the early 90's, I worked for Jenny Craig. We inundated the market with strategically placed commercials; in the morning after the kids left for school, midmorning while Mom was doing laundry or right in the middle of Oprah. Sure as the tides, the phones would start to ring after a 60 second spot ran touting "50% off Registration if you act NOW."

Our first goal was to read through the phone script to convince them that they had to come in TODAY before they ate one more cupcake. The theory behind this sense of urgency was that each person has that one thing that makes them pick up the phone and call.

Maybe their child said "Mommy has a fat butt" or they tried putting on their jeans and couldn't zip them up. We called that their "X Factor", the thing that made them say, enough is enough.

My X Factor happened last week when I signed up for my 25 year high school reunion. I try to work out regularly and I was thinking that I looked okay until I waved to someone the other day and when I stopped waving, my arm kept going. Okay, so maybe I need a little toning.

My high school had a large graduating class of about 450 and I pretty much stayed under the radar. I wasn't a jock but I wasn't a "burn out", either. I could easily mix with both groups but never quite fit into either one. My memories kind of blend from one non-momentous event to another.

Until prom.

Prom is the pinnacle of a young girl's high school experience. That moment when she can dress up like a princess and gather with her friends, bidding adieu to her childhood, looking hopefully toward her future as a young woman.

Then there was my prom.

I wasn't dating anyone and so I agreed to go with a friend of mine since he wasn't dating anyone either. We'll call him Vince, since that was his name. He was on the football team and hung out with the jocks. He had a great body but average looks so girls weren't exactly swooning.

Vince and I had been friends all through junior high and high school and I told people that we were just going as friends. Vince's perspective was a little different as you'll see.

I went shopping with my girlfriends for my dress and after prom outfit and was really looking forward to the night. About 3 or 4 days before the big event, I ran into a friend in the bathroom.

Friend: "Oh my God, Chrissy, I just heard about what happened with Vince. I'm so sorry!"

Me: "Hmm? What do you mean? What happened with Vince?"

Friend: "Um. Nothing never mind."

Me: (blocking the doorway so my petite friend couldn't leave) "WHAT do you mean?"

It turned out that Vince really liked me and was upset that I was telling people that we were just friends. So he asked someone else to go. Someone who had a huge crush on him. Someone who was a FRESHMAN. Or maybe a sophomore. Anyway..she was younger.

He never did have the balls to tell me himself until I managed to get him on the phone and make him fess up. Everyone in the school knew what a shitty thing it was to do and so Student Council decided that they were going to pay for me and a date to go. Have you ever been 17 and tried to find a date 2 days before prom?

Needless to say, I couldn't find anyone to go so a friend volunteered his younger brother. He was very nice, even though he stepped on my dress and tore the bottom of it almost completely off while we were taking pictures before prom and he didn't speak at all the whole night. But, hey, what a trooper!

Wait, it gets better.

My date wasn't able to go to after prom. I don't think he was allowed to stay up that late or something. So my friend Lisa and her date said they would swing by and pick me up at my house after I went home to switch outfits.

I eagerly changed into my cute after prom outfit and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I finally called Lisa's house to see where they were and her mother told me that they had left over an hour ago.

They never picked me up because Lisa's date thought I looked pretty and she was jealous.

I never spoke to Lisa or Vince again until 10 years later when I ran into Vince out one night. He looked really different and I wasn't even sure it was him.

Me: "Are you Vince? Vince...(Okay, I won't say his last name)?

Vince: "Yes", a puzzled look came over his face as he tried to place who I was.

Me: "You bastard! You ruined my prom!"

He was shocked to see me and seemed really upset about what had happened all those years ago. I told him how it had hurt my feelings at the time but that I had gotten over it because we were kids and kids do selfish things.

Then I saw Lisa a few months back.

And she was fat.

It was fantastic.

C Cleveland

I live in Cleveland, Ohio.

The Ohio that I know is rich with culture. We have The Cleveland Orchestra, The Cleveland Museum of Art and The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

 

The Cleveland Orchestra at Severance Hall

 

The Cleveland Museum of Art

 

 

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum

 

 

Cleveland has The Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, professional sports teams and world renowned health care institutions.

 

 

 

The Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and Rainforest

 

Cleveland Indians Progressive Field

 

The Cleveland Clinic

 





The homes in Cleveland suburbs range from small bungalows to stately mansions and the neighborhoods have distinct flavors.

 

Bay Village bungalow

 

1928 Shaker Heights Colonial

 

This is the Ohio that I live and breathe every day. But once a month, when I receive Our Ohio magazine, published by the Ohio Farm Bureau, I realize that this is my Ohio, too.

 

 

 

Farming has always been a major component of Ohio's economy. The fertile soil of Ohio produces soybeans, oats, corn, greenhouse and nursery products, wheat, hay, and fruit, including apples, peaches, strawberries, and grapes. More than half of Ohio's farm receipts come from dairy farming and sheep and hog raising.

 

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm a member of the Ohio Farm Bureau and, quite honestly, I probably would have never known that it even existed if it weren't for my insurance company. I carry my homeowners and auto insurance policies through Nationwide Insurance, who has partnered with The Ohio Farm Bureau to offer a discount to its members.

 

Each month, I'm fascinated to read about this industry that I knew existed but that I never really paid much attention to. The Farm Bureau is a grassroots organization that works closely with state and national policymakers on important issues like personal property rights, renewable energy, crime, education, taxes, and more. Most farms are family operated and passed down through generations. I love seeing that tradition and "roll up your sleeves" hard work still exists and I'm proud that it's virtually in my own back yard.

 

 

 

 

 

Ohio Fun Facts

 

State Flower: Scarlet Carnation

 

State Bird: Cardinal

 

State Tree: Buckeye

 

State Insect: Ladybug

 

State Animal: White Tailed Deer

 

Origin of the name: Iroquoian word meaning "great river".

 

State Nickname: The Buckeye State

 

 

Aerial view of the Niederman Family Farm corn maze.

 

 They do a different theme every year. Here are some more:

 

 

 

 

 

Color me impressed

Hey Ladies (and Guys)!

I'm not big on endorsing products unless I really love them. Or someone is paying me to do it. I can be reached at 555-xxxx.

Seriously, though, I've had gray hair since I was 13 years old so when people my age are lamenting about finding their first gray hair, I just yawn. I've been coloring my hair for years but I only started having it professionally done about 2 years ago. I was tired of having black hair color splattered all over the bathroom and I wanted to try highlights, which help to conceal the regrowth of the gray.

The last time I tried highlights was around 1980 when I sprayed Sun-In on my hair while lying on a silver mat in the backyard after slathering myself with baby oil.

 I figured it was time to leave it to the professionals.

The highlighting method my hairdresser uses on me is called Balayage, where the highlights are painted onto the hair. It lasts a super long time and you don't get an obvious line of demarcation like with foils so it grows in really well. I only need to highlight about twice a year but each month, I need to cover the gray. Even with just doing that, with the amount of hair that I have, it's pretty costly.

My hairdresser went on maternity leave and since I was too afraid to let anyone else touch my hair, I decided to try something that I read about online. It's a website called ESalon. The site was started by a former hairdresser and sells custom, salon quality haircolor for WAY less than salon prices. I took advantage of the introductory offer and paid $9.95 + shipping.

I created a profile, took a brief questionnaire and chose my haircolor. I also opted to upload a recent photo so that one of their colorists could evaluate my choice based on the photo. I'm glad I did because the colorist told me that the color I chose was too dark for my needs. I would have ended up looking like Elvira. Okay, that's not what she said, but I'm sure it's what she meant. I can read between the lines.

ESalon created my custom color and I received it in the mail about 5 days later.

 



 

It came with two sets of plastic gloves, a brush to apply the haircolor (which, by the way, is WAY easier than trying to squirt it on from a bottle), a color blocking cream (for your skin so it doesn't stain), a color removing cream (for the areas you forgot to block) and a post coloring conditioner.

 

Can I just tell you how much I love it!

 

 

 

The color is perfect, the coverage is perfect and the price is perfect. If I opt to auto-order every month, the cost is $19.95 or any subsequent individual orders for $24.95. Either choice is still a significant savings from what I normally pay to be beautiful.

 

 Go try this. Now!

 

 

Monday Morning Maddie

 

 

 

 

Nom....nom...nom.... 

What?? I told you I was hungry.

Secondhand Sunday

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.



"My left foot"

Original Post Date, January 10, 2010


No...no...not the Daniel Day-Lewis movie. This is actually about my left foot.

I went back to the podiatrist on Friday for the results of my MRI. Curiously enough, I haven’t been experiencing as much pain in the last few weeks but it’s probably because I bought these cool new workout shoes.

I was all set to shell out at least a hundred bucks but as luck would have it, Dick’s Sporting Goods was a having a big clearance sale.

Reduced shoe + extra % off - gift card = 43 cents! That's right. Cents.

The doc said that the MRI findings show that I have a condition called Norton’s Neuroma, which I know, sounds awful and “oma” like. It turns out that a neuroma is an injury to the nerves between the toes. He went through the whole spiel about what a neuroma is and then told that he thinks it’s something else. Um...okay.

He says it’s capsulitis, which is similar but it affects a different toe. The ligaments surrounding the joint at the base of the second toe form a “capsule,” which helps the joint to function properly. Capsulitis is a condition in which these ligaments have become inflamed.

It's also known as predislocation syndrome. The brochure that the doc gave me states "the ball of the foot beneath the toe joint takes an excessive amount of weight-bearing pressure."

Shut it! I know there's an excessive amount of weight on it right now.

Capsulitis is a progressive disorder and usually worsens if left untreated so it's best to act on it now before the toe drifts over and lies on top of the big toe. I was going to post a picture but it's far too disturbing.

I'm wearing a splint and this little rubbery thing between my big toe and second toe. Of course, they always look at your shoes and tell you not to wear the "fancy kind". I think the shoes I wear now are pretty stylish and practical. Why, just the other day, a nun was complimenting me on them.

I'm supposed to stay off the foot as much as possible but that's not going to happen. I finally got into a workout routine so I can't stop now.

He did suggest having a custom orthotic made but I just can't do it. That's like resigning yourself to wearing grandma shoes for the rest of your life.

I'm too young.

What if I want to wear f@#! me pumps again?

Oh, wait. This will probably work as long as I never actually stand on them.