"This looks like a good place to sit..."
The scoopage on Millie
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Okay, so I absolutely, logically and rationally know that this is NOT the right time to get a new dog. BUT....I've been sneaking a peek at Petfinder.com for the last 2 or 3 months and every time I go, I'm drawn to the senior dogs.
You know, the ones with the graying muzzles and sad faces. The ones that are less likely to get new homes because everyone wants a cute little puppy.
Well, this face and description kept popping up:
Hello my name is Millie and I am a 9 year old beagle girl that was left here by my owner. I do not know why. I am a quiet, calm girl and sure could use a new home. Get me off this darn damp concrete here at the pound. I am spayed, good with kids, dogs, and cats. Yes I am a senior girl, but 9 years is not so old for a beagle. I have no apparent health issues. I walk nicely on the leash even though my beagle nose is to the ground. Please come out and meet me. Love, Millie.
It was love at first sight.
But I decided that the timing was wrong and that if she was still available by the time I moved into my mother's house a month or so down the road, then it was meant to be. I even renamed her. What kind of name was Millie? They always pick names for them anyway so it's not like the dog knows that name.
I've been so completely overwhelmed at the notion of combining my household with my mother's and getting my house ready to sell, that I've been paralyzed into doing nothing.
So...why not get a dog??? The pound she was at is about an hour away from me in BFE. That's bum fuck Egypt or WAY, WAY out there for those of you who aren't familiar with the term.
I got lost getting there. OF COURSE. I arrived at the pound 7 minutes before they closed and ran to the door.
There was a young guy standing behind the desk.
Me, completely out of breath: "beagle....petfinder....Millie....want to adopt...where....beagle!!"
He was totally confused but somehow managed to point me in the direction of the kennel. I passed the flurry of dogs barking, "take me! take me!"
And then I saw her. Sleeping on the cement floor at the back of a cage.
I knelt down, "Millie?" and she slowly walked over to the door, tail wagging and licked my hand through the bars.
The dog warden was passing by when I said, "I know you're closing, but I want this dog."
"Well...you know she's an OLD dog. NINE."
Yes, asshole, I know. Okay, I didn't say that. I said, "I know, that's why I want her."
I filled out all the paperwork just to realize I was $20 short since they only accepted cash. I asked them to hold her, kissed her head goodbye and went back the next day.
"Oh, by the way," the clerk said in the morning, "She's limping. She just started after we took her out to Tractor Supply and came back a few days ago."
Why the hell are you taking her to Tractor Supply???? They claimed that they didn't know why she was limping and that the vet wasn't there on the weekends.
Sure enough, I let her walk around a little and she was limping like Tiny Tim. God bless us, everyone!
Oh well...I had already fallen in love with her. And since I brought Bernie with me, she loved her too. There was no use turning back now.
And Millie is her real name. Can't change it now. I mean, if someone adopted me tomorrow (Shut it! It could happen...)I certainly wouldn't want them changing my name.
Well, guess what? I took Miss Millie to the vet today and she might need knee surgery! Now, according to the paperwork, I have three days to return her, but I think we all know that isn't going to happen.
I guess God just knew that I needed another little old lady to take care of.
Too bad this one doesn't have Medicare.
You know, the ones with the graying muzzles and sad faces. The ones that are less likely to get new homes because everyone wants a cute little puppy.
Well, this face and description kept popping up:
Hello my name is Millie and I am a 9 year old beagle girl that was left here by my owner. I do not know why. I am a quiet, calm girl and sure could use a new home. Get me off this darn damp concrete here at the pound. I am spayed, good with kids, dogs, and cats. Yes I am a senior girl, but 9 years is not so old for a beagle. I have no apparent health issues. I walk nicely on the leash even though my beagle nose is to the ground. Please come out and meet me. Love, Millie.
It was love at first sight.
But I decided that the timing was wrong and that if she was still available by the time I moved into my mother's house a month or so down the road, then it was meant to be. I even renamed her. What kind of name was Millie? They always pick names for them anyway so it's not like the dog knows that name.
I've been so completely overwhelmed at the notion of combining my household with my mother's and getting my house ready to sell, that I've been paralyzed into doing nothing.
So...why not get a dog??? The pound she was at is about an hour away from me in BFE. That's bum fuck Egypt or WAY, WAY out there for those of you who aren't familiar with the term.
I got lost getting there. OF COURSE. I arrived at the pound 7 minutes before they closed and ran to the door.
There was a young guy standing behind the desk.
Me, completely out of breath: "beagle....petfinder....Millie....want to adopt...where....beagle!!"
He was totally confused but somehow managed to point me in the direction of the kennel. I passed the flurry of dogs barking, "take me! take me!"
And then I saw her. Sleeping on the cement floor at the back of a cage.
I knelt down, "Millie?" and she slowly walked over to the door, tail wagging and licked my hand through the bars.
The dog warden was passing by when I said, "I know you're closing, but I want this dog."
"Well...you know she's an OLD dog. NINE."
Yes, asshole, I know. Okay, I didn't say that. I said, "I know, that's why I want her."
I filled out all the paperwork just to realize I was $20 short since they only accepted cash. I asked them to hold her, kissed her head goodbye and went back the next day.
"Oh, by the way," the clerk said in the morning, "She's limping. She just started after we took her out to Tractor Supply and came back a few days ago."
Why the hell are you taking her to Tractor Supply???? They claimed that they didn't know why she was limping and that the vet wasn't there on the weekends.
Sure enough, I let her walk around a little and she was limping like Tiny Tim. God bless us, everyone!
Oh well...I had already fallen in love with her. And since I brought Bernie with me, she loved her too. There was no use turning back now.
And Millie is her real name. Can't change it now. I mean, if someone adopted me tomorrow (Shut it! It could happen...)I certainly wouldn't want them changing my name.
Well, guess what? I took Miss Millie to the vet today and she might need knee surgery! Now, according to the paperwork, I have three days to return her, but I think we all know that isn't going to happen.
I guess God just knew that I needed another little old lady to take care of.
Too bad this one doesn't have Medicare.
Monday Morning Millie
Monday, April 18, 2011
Meet the newest addition to the Starr family! Nine year old, Millie.
I'll give you all the scoop tomorrow!
Stripper Chick Wisdom
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Chrissy's real truth about life that no one will tell you.
"Size doesn't matter.
Unless, of course, that size is small."
With heartfelt appreciation..
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Thank you all for your kind words of sympathy and friendship regarding Mom’s passing. They’ve given me great comfort.
We buried Mom last Monday, which was a CRAZY rainy and windy day. I was sure that the tent that they had erected at the gravesite was going to blow away and it was probably Mom’s last hurrah. We joked that the weather was befitting of her personality – you remembered her when you met her. My friend Nancy was standing next to me holding back the tent so that it didn't knock me onto the casket.
I’ve been blessed with the amazing fortune of a close knit group of girlfriends who were there for me the day of the service. Nancy, Michelle and I spent the rest of the afternoon shopping because, you know, nothing heals like some power shopping.
I took all of last week off and continued my power shopping through the week. I've been fine as long as I keep myself busy. Now, I'm not ignoring my grief. You know no one advocates feeling things more than me and there's nothing like the cathartic power of a good cry. It's just different than it was with Dad. I'm sad that she's gone but I'm so at peace knowing that she's with Dad and her parents and brothers. They always had so much fun together.
I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that the waves of sadness come at odd times. I went to her house and was going through some things the other day. I didn't shed a tear the whole time until I got to the grocery store and passed the pudding snack cups. She loved those things. Clean up in Aisle 8!
Besides, I know she'll never really be gone. She's been telling Lisa and I for years that she's going to come back and haunt us. Maybe I'll have a medium come in to see what Mom has to say. I'm sure it will be something like this.
"Did you join Weight Watchers yet? And what kind of hairstyle is that?!"
Love you, Mom~
We buried Mom last Monday, which was a CRAZY rainy and windy day. I was sure that the tent that they had erected at the gravesite was going to blow away and it was probably Mom’s last hurrah. We joked that the weather was befitting of her personality – you remembered her when you met her. My friend Nancy was standing next to me holding back the tent so that it didn't knock me onto the casket.
I’ve been blessed with the amazing fortune of a close knit group of girlfriends who were there for me the day of the service. Nancy, Michelle and I spent the rest of the afternoon shopping because, you know, nothing heals like some power shopping.
I took all of last week off and continued my power shopping through the week. I've been fine as long as I keep myself busy. Now, I'm not ignoring my grief. You know no one advocates feeling things more than me and there's nothing like the cathartic power of a good cry. It's just different than it was with Dad. I'm sad that she's gone but I'm so at peace knowing that she's with Dad and her parents and brothers. They always had so much fun together.
I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that the waves of sadness come at odd times. I went to her house and was going through some things the other day. I didn't shed a tear the whole time until I got to the grocery store and passed the pudding snack cups. She loved those things. Clean up in Aisle 8!
Besides, I know she'll never really be gone. She's been telling Lisa and I for years that she's going to come back and haunt us. Maybe I'll have a medium come in to see what Mom has to say. I'm sure it will be something like this.
"Did you join Weight Watchers yet? And what kind of hairstyle is that?!"
Love you, Mom~
Monday Morning Bernie & Vinny
Monday, April 11, 2011
La la la la la....I don't see any cat.....la la la la la...
Secondhand Sunday
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.
If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.
"STUPID PEOPLE SUCK"
Original Post Date, February 12, 2009
I certainly don't profess to be the brightest bulb in the bunch but I really have no patience for outright stupidity. They say ignorance is bliss but it's only bliss for the ignoramus, not for those of us around them who have to witness it. And I'm not talking about the Darwin Awards, presented to the Grand Poobas of Idiocy. I'm talking about everyday dumb.
I work for an institution that employs over 20,000 people. A large number of the employees have multiple advanced degrees from the most esteemed universities across the globe. We're a teaching facility and we employ the best and the brightest. Or so we thought.
We utilize the same phone system that can be seen on the television show, The Office, which is your first clue. It has lots of bells and whistles and one of the advanced features of this system is that you can listen to a phone mail message directly on your computer through your email. It's very convenient when you're checking your messages remotely and don't have access to a phone. The phone system isn't without some glitches and hiccups but you learn to roll with the punches and move forward in a logical manner when something goes wrong.
At approximately 4:29PM, I received an email regarding a "message from an unidentified caller (555-555-5555), with the text "TESTING". It seemed rather self-explanatory to me, a test by our IT department. I deleted the message, minimized my email and continued working on my spreadsheet.
Just about every minute, that small window would pop up in the lower right hand corner of my screen, "You have mail."
I finally decided to check my email again and found no less than 20 emails, all referencing the first email. I looked at the recipient line and noticed that someone had inadvertently sent it to ALL USERS. Woops. Well, shit happens. I felt bad for the person who accidentally hit ALL but not as bad as I did for the person whose phone number was referenced in the email.
I proceeded to scroll through a plethora of emails as more and more entered my inbox. They were from people who had either called this person or just wanted to REPLY TO ALL that they had no idea what this email was about.
"Is someone handling this?", Director, Accounting Department
"???????", Manager, Credentialing
"I'm not sure what's going on", Senior VP
"Note to all-stop hitting reply to all", Staff Development Coordinator
"I got this, too", Manager, Graduate Medical Education, MBA
"Why am I getting this message?", Financial Assistance Liaison
"Please don't hit reply to all", Senior VP Finance and Operations, CPA, MBA
"STOP REPLYING ALL", Assistant to the Chairman
"Stop including me in your emails. I don't have time to delete this." Medical Assistant
And my favorite: "I think the phones are going crazy!", Psychiatry Department
Now, keep in mind that all of these responses were sent TO ALL. I guess they don't see the irony in that.
After about the one hundredth message, I wanted to reply TO ALL, "You're all a bunch of stupid idiots!!" but I thought that might be inappropriate and then I would just become one of them. Instead, I thought I would share this sentiment with you:
Stupid people suck
If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.
"STUPID PEOPLE SUCK"
Original Post Date, February 12, 2009
I certainly don't profess to be the brightest bulb in the bunch but I really have no patience for outright stupidity. They say ignorance is bliss but it's only bliss for the ignoramus, not for those of us around them who have to witness it. And I'm not talking about the Darwin Awards, presented to the Grand Poobas of Idiocy. I'm talking about everyday dumb.
I work for an institution that employs over 20,000 people. A large number of the employees have multiple advanced degrees from the most esteemed universities across the globe. We're a teaching facility and we employ the best and the brightest. Or so we thought.
We utilize the same phone system that can be seen on the television show, The Office, which is your first clue. It has lots of bells and whistles and one of the advanced features of this system is that you can listen to a phone mail message directly on your computer through your email. It's very convenient when you're checking your messages remotely and don't have access to a phone. The phone system isn't without some glitches and hiccups but you learn to roll with the punches and move forward in a logical manner when something goes wrong.
At approximately 4:29PM, I received an email regarding a "message from an unidentified caller (555-555-5555), with the text "TESTING". It seemed rather self-explanatory to me, a test by our IT department. I deleted the message, minimized my email and continued working on my spreadsheet.
Just about every minute, that small window would pop up in the lower right hand corner of my screen, "You have mail."
I finally decided to check my email again and found no less than 20 emails, all referencing the first email. I looked at the recipient line and noticed that someone had inadvertently sent it to ALL USERS. Woops. Well, shit happens. I felt bad for the person who accidentally hit ALL but not as bad as I did for the person whose phone number was referenced in the email.
I proceeded to scroll through a plethora of emails as more and more entered my inbox. They were from people who had either called this person or just wanted to REPLY TO ALL that they had no idea what this email was about.
"Is someone handling this?", Director, Accounting Department
"???????", Manager, Credentialing
"I'm not sure what's going on", Senior VP
"Note to all-stop hitting reply to all", Staff Development Coordinator
"I got this, too", Manager, Graduate Medical Education, MBA
"Why am I getting this message?", Financial Assistance Liaison
"Please don't hit reply to all", Senior VP Finance and Operations, CPA, MBA
"STOP REPLYING ALL", Assistant to the Chairman
"Stop including me in your emails. I don't have time to delete this." Medical Assistant
And my favorite: "I think the phones are going crazy!", Psychiatry Department
Now, keep in mind that all of these responses were sent TO ALL. I guess they don't see the irony in that.
After about the one hundredth message, I wanted to reply TO ALL, "You're all a bunch of stupid idiots!!" but I thought that might be inappropriate and then I would just become one of them. Instead, I thought I would share this sentiment with you:
Stupid people suck
C Cleveland
Saturday, April 2, 2011
I promised Judie at Caroline's Kids Pet Rescue that I would post a link to her $1000 gas card raffle. Caroline's Kids is a single-family home located in Concord Township that serves as a sanctuary for sick, abused and senior felines.
The April 8 drawing of the lucky gas card winner will mark the culmination of a month-long effort to raise thousands of dollars in crucial operating funds for the cat sanctuary.
The Founder and Executive Director of the pet rescue, Judie Brown, said that the promotion started with an anonymous donation of $1,000. The staff at Caroline's then set about creating a publicity campaign and selling the $5 raffle tickets as a way to 'multiply' the initial contribution. More than $5,000 in tickets have been sold with one week remaining before the drawing.
The monthly cost to operate Caroline's Kids Pet Rescue is between $15,000 and $17,000 and when they fall short, Judie and her husband dip into their retirement to be sure the "kids" are taken care of.
Anyone wishing to enter the drawing for the gas gift card can print out tickets on the Caroline's Kids Pet Rescue website. The cost of the raffle tickets is $5 each or six for $25. The completed tickets and a check made out to Caroline's Kids should then be mailed to the P.O. Box address on the website.
Tickets must be received no later than Friday, April 8, to be included in the raffle. The drawing will be held at the cat sanctuary that afternoon.
Please click on the link to the left with the cute kitty to read about Judie's mission of love.
Thank you and good luck!
The April 8 drawing of the lucky gas card winner will mark the culmination of a month-long effort to raise thousands of dollars in crucial operating funds for the cat sanctuary.
The Founder and Executive Director of the pet rescue, Judie Brown, said that the promotion started with an anonymous donation of $1,000. The staff at Caroline's then set about creating a publicity campaign and selling the $5 raffle tickets as a way to 'multiply' the initial contribution. More than $5,000 in tickets have been sold with one week remaining before the drawing.
The monthly cost to operate Caroline's Kids Pet Rescue is between $15,000 and $17,000 and when they fall short, Judie and her husband dip into their retirement to be sure the "kids" are taken care of.
Anyone wishing to enter the drawing for the gas gift card can print out tickets on the Caroline's Kids Pet Rescue website. The cost of the raffle tickets is $5 each or six for $25. The completed tickets and a check made out to Caroline's Kids should then be mailed to the P.O. Box address on the website.
Tickets must be received no later than Friday, April 8, to be included in the raffle. The drawing will be held at the cat sanctuary that afternoon.
Please click on the link to the left with the cute kitty to read about Judie's mission of love.
Thank you and good luck!
She's gone
Friday, April 1, 2011
It's 12:52AM.
My mother passed away 6 hours ago and I just can't believe she's gone. I came home and made all the requisite phone calls to family and friends when all I wanted to do was lie on the couch with Bernie and cry.
My father was a pretty frugal guy and my mother kept lamenting over what the hospice facility was charging. I told Lisa that he probably implored her to die.
"Jean...do you know how MUCH this place is costing us?"
The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that this is where she is, seated right beside Dad.
But I'm guessing that before she got to see him that Jesus was there, welcoming her with open arms.
It probably went something like this:
"You're Jesus? What? They couldn't send God?"
My mother passed away 6 hours ago and I just can't believe she's gone. I came home and made all the requisite phone calls to family and friends when all I wanted to do was lie on the couch with Bernie and cry.
My father was a pretty frugal guy and my mother kept lamenting over what the hospice facility was charging. I told Lisa that he probably implored her to die.
"Jean...do you know how MUCH this place is costing us?"
The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that this is where she is, seated right beside Dad.
But I'm guessing that before she got to see him that Jesus was there, welcoming her with open arms.
It probably went something like this:
"You're Jesus? What? They couldn't send God?"
What up Wednesday
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
So yesterday, I got "the call".
"You and your sister better come and see your mother as soon as you can."
When you have a family member in hospice, every time the phone rings, your heart sinks a little. It was late in the afternoon and coincidentally, Lisa and I had both gotten home early from work so we were able to make the 2 mile journey to see Mom together.
Her condition was pretty poor but in true Mom fashion, a few hours later, she had stabilized again. Bernie and I went to visit her this morning and the minute we turned down the hall toward her unit, I heard a nurse call out, "Oh my gosh! That must be Bernadette! I recognize her from her pictures." Mom's room is FILLED with pictures of "the baby".
Bernie was a huge hit, basking in the lovin' from the nurses. Normally, when you bring a dog in, you need to keep them leashed and close to you but the hospice unit has its own set of rules, which are basically "anything goes". The unit consists of glass doors enclosing 6 suites with a common area in the center that has a TV and chairs. It's also where the nurses and aides hang out so they can attend to people immediately when they need something.
I was talking to my mother and when I looked down, Bernie was nowhere to be found. She had wandered into the common area, looking for someone to dote on her. She plays them by giving them this, "Woe is me.." look.
There were a few patients out there but since most of them have limited mobility, I picked her up and took her from person to person to say hello. It's amazing how a person's demeanor changes in the presence of a dog. There were smiles all around and I'm glad that Bernie could bring some small amount of happiness to their day.
There was a new aide there today and she came in to chat with me to catch up on what Mom's particular needs are. When she left, my mother turned to me, tilted her head and got this faraway look in her eyes as she stared at me.
I started calling out to her, "Mom! Mom, are you okay?"
She finally blinked and then did it again.
"Mom! Is something wrong? Can you hear me?"
She blinked again and said, "God, you're slow today."
"What?"
She replied, "I'm imitating the way that girl was looking at you. I think she's in love with you."
It was so funny! She's still kickin'.
Then the rabbi came in and she told him how she was going to start walking again soon. She just won't give up! I had never met him before and we had a nice conversation. As he was leaving, he turned to my mother and said, "You have a very beautiful daughter."
When he left, she said,"Boy, you're popular with the boys and girls today, aren't you?"
I just shook my head and laughed.
"You and your sister better come and see your mother as soon as you can."
When you have a family member in hospice, every time the phone rings, your heart sinks a little. It was late in the afternoon and coincidentally, Lisa and I had both gotten home early from work so we were able to make the 2 mile journey to see Mom together.
Her condition was pretty poor but in true Mom fashion, a few hours later, she had stabilized again. Bernie and I went to visit her this morning and the minute we turned down the hall toward her unit, I heard a nurse call out, "Oh my gosh! That must be Bernadette! I recognize her from her pictures." Mom's room is FILLED with pictures of "the baby".
Bernie was a huge hit, basking in the lovin' from the nurses. Normally, when you bring a dog in, you need to keep them leashed and close to you but the hospice unit has its own set of rules, which are basically "anything goes". The unit consists of glass doors enclosing 6 suites with a common area in the center that has a TV and chairs. It's also where the nurses and aides hang out so they can attend to people immediately when they need something.
I was talking to my mother and when I looked down, Bernie was nowhere to be found. She had wandered into the common area, looking for someone to dote on her. She plays them by giving them this, "Woe is me.." look.
There were a few patients out there but since most of them have limited mobility, I picked her up and took her from person to person to say hello. It's amazing how a person's demeanor changes in the presence of a dog. There were smiles all around and I'm glad that Bernie could bring some small amount of happiness to their day.
There was a new aide there today and she came in to chat with me to catch up on what Mom's particular needs are. When she left, my mother turned to me, tilted her head and got this faraway look in her eyes as she stared at me.
I started calling out to her, "Mom! Mom, are you okay?"
She finally blinked and then did it again.
"Mom! Is something wrong? Can you hear me?"
She blinked again and said, "God, you're slow today."
"What?"
She replied, "I'm imitating the way that girl was looking at you. I think she's in love with you."
It was so funny! She's still kickin'.
Then the rabbi came in and she told him how she was going to start walking again soon. She just won't give up! I had never met him before and we had a nice conversation. As he was leaving, he turned to my mother and said, "You have a very beautiful daughter."
When he left, she said,"Boy, you're popular with the boys and girls today, aren't you?"
I just shook my head and laughed.
Secondhand Sunday
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.
If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.
"I KNEW IT!"
Original Post Date, April 23, 2010
So you know how I've been lamenting over the fact that I've gained 30+ pounds in the last year, right?
And how my sister insists that it's perimenopause?
And how I'm sure that I'm NOT perimenopausal but that there must be something beyond my control physiologically that's causing this?
Well, I was finally able to get into an endocrinologist this week to see what might be going on. She asked me a series of questions:
1. Are you fatigued often? Yep.
2. Do you have trouble sleeping? Nope. Just waking up.
3. Any excess body hair? Well, I'm Armenian so this must be a trick question.
She ordered bloodwork to test my hormones, pituitary gland and thyroid. Thanks to McAfee, our computers have been down for 24 hours but I was able to get a copy of my test results to look over.
Now, keep in mind, I work in administration at a hospital. I'm not a doctor and I don't pretend to be one. However, I do have access to Google so I'm able to self diagnose virtually every disease I've ever had.
Here are some examples:
Symptoms - July, 2008
Pressure like chest pain radiating to my left arm
Clammy sweating
Rapid heartbeat and palpitations
Inability to catch my breath.
Self diagnosis: HEART ATTACK
Actual diagnosis by Emergency room physician: PANIC ATTACK
Symptoms - January, 2009
Fever
Rash
Exhaustion
Muscle aches
Pain when urinating
Self-diagnosis: HIV
Actual diagnosis: BLADDER INFECTION
Symptoms - September, 2009
New growth on neck, dark and asymmetrical in shape
Raised texture to the touch
Found after spending a great deal of time outdoors in the summer
Self diagnosis: SKIN CANCER
Actual diagnosis: PIECE OF CHOCOLATE SHELL COATING FROM DIPPED ICE CREAM CONE
Okay, so maybe I haven't been 100% accurate, but this time I'm feeling pretty confident.
I've evaluated my hormone levels. I've also looked at the normal versus overactive percentile ranges for pituitary activity and come to a conclusion.
Self diagnosis: I'M PREGNANT.
Behold and rejoice the Second Coming!
Or...maybe I just have gas. I'll let you know what the doc says today.
If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.
"I KNEW IT!"
Original Post Date, April 23, 2010
So you know how I've been lamenting over the fact that I've gained 30+ pounds in the last year, right?
And how my sister insists that it's perimenopause?
And how I'm sure that I'm NOT perimenopausal but that there must be something beyond my control physiologically that's causing this?
Well, I was finally able to get into an endocrinologist this week to see what might be going on. She asked me a series of questions:
1. Are you fatigued often? Yep.
2. Do you have trouble sleeping? Nope. Just waking up.
3. Any excess body hair? Well, I'm Armenian so this must be a trick question.
She ordered bloodwork to test my hormones, pituitary gland and thyroid. Thanks to McAfee, our computers have been down for 24 hours but I was able to get a copy of my test results to look over.
Now, keep in mind, I work in administration at a hospital. I'm not a doctor and I don't pretend to be one. However, I do have access to Google so I'm able to self diagnose virtually every disease I've ever had.
Here are some examples:
Symptoms - July, 2008
Pressure like chest pain radiating to my left arm
Clammy sweating
Rapid heartbeat and palpitations
Inability to catch my breath.
Self diagnosis: HEART ATTACK
Actual diagnosis by Emergency room physician: PANIC ATTACK
Symptoms - January, 2009
Fever
Rash
Exhaustion
Muscle aches
Pain when urinating
Self-diagnosis: HIV
Actual diagnosis: BLADDER INFECTION
Symptoms - September, 2009
New growth on neck, dark and asymmetrical in shape
Raised texture to the touch
Found after spending a great deal of time outdoors in the summer
Self diagnosis: SKIN CANCER
Actual diagnosis: PIECE OF CHOCOLATE SHELL COATING FROM DIPPED ICE CREAM CONE
Okay, so maybe I haven't been 100% accurate, but this time I'm feeling pretty confident.
I've evaluated my hormone levels. I've also looked at the normal versus overactive percentile ranges for pituitary activity and come to a conclusion.
Self diagnosis: I'M PREGNANT.
Behold and rejoice the Second Coming!
Or...maybe I just have gas. I'll let you know what the doc says today.
My Newbie YouTubie
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Since I couldn't figure out how to upload this directly from my computer, I had to create a YouTube account and cut and paste.
I promise these won't be so lame in the future.
I promise these won't be so lame in the future.
What Up Wednesday
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Just wanted to give you guys some quick updates on "what's up" this week.
As you know, the hospice that we had Mom in kicked her out last week because she didn't die. I know that sounds harsh but that's Medicare for you. We were really disappointed because she was getting exceptional care and she was so sad that she had to leave. We got her on a waiting list for their long term hospice but it's based on acuity and since her condition is stabilized, she couldn't get in.
So we were tasked with finding her a new facility. Well, actually the social worker was tasked with that but she was pretty useless so I took it upon myself to find her a place.
Luckily, I discovered that Medicare.gov has a section on their site that rates nursing homes around the country. We were seriously considering one but then realized that on a scale of 1-5, that their rating was a 1! No thanks.
Lisa and I decided on one that has a 4 out of 5 rating and is pretty close to where we both live. Unfortunately, they didn't have a suite available in their hospice unit so they put in her in a rehab wing until a bed became available. They assured us that she would get the same care as in the hospice wing.
That didn't happen so I had Lisa call and talk to the hospice director because I was far too upset and emotional and Lisa is able to discuss things in a more rational manner. Miraculously, they found a bed available in the hospice unit for her and transferred her today. I'll stop out tomorrow to check out her new digs.
Vinny's peeing again. I know! I can't understand why. The only reason that I can assume is because the weather is getting warmer and he wants to go outside. I thought that I had been cleaning it well until a friend came over a few days ago and said, "Your house smells like cat pee."
Oh no! That was my biggest fear. To top it off, I'm going to be selling my house and moving into my mother's and no one is going to buy a house that smells like cat pee. I'm torn because if he doesn't stop, he has to go. I just love him but I can't live in a pee house.
I'm anxious to start working out to relieve some stress but I still have a cough and I'm just so tired. I had a chest x-ray to see if I had pneumonia and that came back negative, so I'm not sure what it is.
Maybe it's the cat pee?
Since I'm selling my house, there are a lot of little things that need to be done. Some functional and some that will just make it more aesthetically pleasing. My house is pretty small so it's perfect for a couple or a single woman. I say single woman because I have three bedrooms but one is so small, that I converted it to a walk-in closet. That's worth the price alone!
I've enlisted the help of a hot handyman so I'm gonna be workin' it to get some discounts and I'll keep you posted.
And that's "what's up" this week.
As you know, the hospice that we had Mom in kicked her out last week because she didn't die. I know that sounds harsh but that's Medicare for you. We were really disappointed because she was getting exceptional care and she was so sad that she had to leave. We got her on a waiting list for their long term hospice but it's based on acuity and since her condition is stabilized, she couldn't get in.
So we were tasked with finding her a new facility. Well, actually the social worker was tasked with that but she was pretty useless so I took it upon myself to find her a place.
Luckily, I discovered that Medicare.gov has a section on their site that rates nursing homes around the country. We were seriously considering one but then realized that on a scale of 1-5, that their rating was a 1! No thanks.
Lisa and I decided on one that has a 4 out of 5 rating and is pretty close to where we both live. Unfortunately, they didn't have a suite available in their hospice unit so they put in her in a rehab wing until a bed became available. They assured us that she would get the same care as in the hospice wing.
That didn't happen so I had Lisa call and talk to the hospice director because I was far too upset and emotional and Lisa is able to discuss things in a more rational manner. Miraculously, they found a bed available in the hospice unit for her and transferred her today. I'll stop out tomorrow to check out her new digs.
Vinny's peeing again. I know! I can't understand why. The only reason that I can assume is because the weather is getting warmer and he wants to go outside. I thought that I had been cleaning it well until a friend came over a few days ago and said, "Your house smells like cat pee."
Oh no! That was my biggest fear. To top it off, I'm going to be selling my house and moving into my mother's and no one is going to buy a house that smells like cat pee. I'm torn because if he doesn't stop, he has to go. I just love him but I can't live in a pee house.
I'm anxious to start working out to relieve some stress but I still have a cough and I'm just so tired. I had a chest x-ray to see if I had pneumonia and that came back negative, so I'm not sure what it is.
Maybe it's the cat pee?
Since I'm selling my house, there are a lot of little things that need to be done. Some functional and some that will just make it more aesthetically pleasing. My house is pretty small so it's perfect for a couple or a single woman. I say single woman because I have three bedrooms but one is so small, that I converted it to a walk-in closet. That's worth the price alone!
I've enlisted the help of a hot handyman so I'm gonna be workin' it to get some discounts and I'll keep you posted.
And that's "what's up" this week.
Teach an old dog new tricks? Probably not
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
We've all seen the books and calendars with puppy pictures. Here's the puppy playing with a ball. Oh, here he is falling asleep in his food. And, yes, they're adorable.
But for any of you who have loved an old dog, you MUST read this book. I happened upon it when a local bookstore was going out of business and it called to me from the top of an empty shelf.
Each dog in the book is at least 10 years old and Pulitzer Prize winning Washington Post writer, Gene Weingarten, brilliantly captures the dignity and essence of these dogs.
Check it out if you can. I promise you won't be sorry.
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