Secondhand Sunday

Sundays are my Secondhand day. I'm basically too lazy to think of anything new to say so I re-post a "vintage" entry.

If you aren't in the mood for repeats, please feel free to change the channel.


"SWF SEEKS MALE WITH PULSE"

Original Post Date, November 30, 2010

Well, I did it.

I stopped perusing the personals and actually joined. I was in a haze from tryptophan and stuffing on Thanksgiving night when I found myself typing my credit card number into the online form. Since I've been on and off so many times, I decided to completely delete my last profile, create a new profile and username and get started.

Since it's newly created, the label of "NEW" highlights my profile for all to see. As I logged on, I could practically smell the hunters seeking out their latest prey. I thought the drawback had been my age but apparently it was just that I was considered stale meat.

I made my age range 39-52, set my radius for potential mates and clicked off my wants and must haves. The site has changed a bit since I was on it before and it took me a little while to maneuver all the new features.

One is called Daily 5 which lists the 5 guys who most closely match what I'm looking for. The first one I opened was a 50 year old "gunslinger" who works security in Iraq and was only going to be here for a few more weeks. Perfect! No commitment.

Well, you know me...

He stated that he was looking for recent pictures but I noted that all of his pictures were date stamped for 2004. OF COURSE, I had to point that out in my email. Hmmm...no response.

You can send a Wink, which is a non-committal flirt. I've gotten a bunch of those but every time I wink or email back, no one responds. Does it come through their email as BOO or something? I winked back. C'mon, say something! Anything!

There is one retired guy in Florida who keeps emailing me and asking me if I have a big BUTT. "Because I'm looking for BIG BUTTS and I LOVE BIG BUTTS."




I finally responded, "Listen, freak, (okay, I said Bob, not freak) I'm not willing to drive 30 minutes to the other side of Cleveland. What makes you think I'm going to hop on a plane and fly to Florida?"

Bob's response, "Will you send me pictures of your butt, then?"

Um, no, Bob. No, I won't. Go get a job!

I'm really surprised by how many widowers and religious zealots are on here. One guy said "Jesus, God, church and/or Christian" 20 times in his profile! Maybe they're so God fearing over the guilt of killing their wives?

If anyone other than Bob ever emails me back, I'll let you know.