I just realized that I never gave you guys a final tally of my pounds lost on the HCG diet.
It was 17. I know there should be an exclamation point at the end of that statement but I was hoping for at least 20 pounds. I take responsibility because the last week I was so bored that I started eating 5 ounces of chicken instead of 3.5 ounces and mixing my tomatoes with my cucumbers. GASP!!
I didn’t realize before I started the diet that I would need to maintain my new weight for 60 days so that my hypothalamus could reset to the new weight. It’s totally frustrating because I still want to lose another 30 pounds and I figured I could have it off by the end of the summer.
So, I’ve decided to completely ignore the protocol and try to exercise my ass off to lose the additional poundage. And...I’ve booked a trip to Florida on September 8 to visit my cousin so I REALLY have to lose it.
Since walking or jogging outside in this heat swell is out of the question, I decided to dig into my arsenal of infomercial workout DVD’s for some inspiration. I've chosen the Brazilian Butt Lift, a program I purchased right before I started the HCG Diet. To my dismay (?), I wasn’t even able to do it once because of the exercise restrictions.
I bought the set on eBay for about $20 less than when you buy direct from Team Beachbody, the exercise infomercial giant. The package included:
**Booty Basics Intro Video
**5 Workouts on 3 DVDs + Bonus Workout
**Booty Makeover Guide with Booty Blueprint & customizable workout calendars
**Fat Burning Food Guide
**6-Day Supermodel Slimdown plan
**Triangle Training Workout Cards
**Booty Resistance Band
**Measurement Tracker Card and Tape Measure
**Booty Test Pencil
That’s right, #9 is the Booty Test Pencil, also referred to as a No. 2 pencil. The concept is that your booty will raise so high that you will no longer be able to hold a pencil under your cheeks.
Which is a good thing because I can currently hold a pencil, 3 highlighters, a glue stick and a bottle of White-Out. And that’s just my right cheek.
I put on my most booty-worthy outfit, cleared Millie and Vinny off the rug in my living room and turned on the DVD. What the hell? Everyone was speaking Spanish and I was making a mental note to myself to NOT buy from eBay again when I realized all I had to do was choose "English".
This is what I experienced.
My GOD, does this work your butt and thighs! I did it yesterday and I could barely walk today. Vinny thought I was playing with him when I was doing the leg lifts on the floor but when he realized I wasn't, he chomped on my leg and made it bleed. Now I'll probably get cat scratch fever.
And, by the way, am I the only one who didn't know that cat scratch fever is an ACTUAL thing? Here all this time, I thought it was just a Ted Nugent song. I'm serious!
Gotta go work my bum bum now!