SWF seeks male with pulse

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Well, I did it.

I stopped perusing the personals and actually joined. I was in a haze from tryptophan and stuffing on Thanksgiving night when I found myself typing my credit card number into the online form. Since I've been on and off so many times, I decided to completely delete my last profile, create a new profile and username and get started.

Since it's newly created, the label of "NEW" highlights my profile for all to see. As I logged on, I could practically smell the hunters seeking out their latest prey. I thought the drawback had been my age but apparently it was just that I was considered stale meat.

I made my age range 39-52, set my radius for potential mates and clicked off my wants and must haves. The site has changed a bit since I was on it before and it took me a little while to maneuver all the new features.

One is called Daily 5 which lists the 5 guys who most closely match what I'm looking for. The first one I opened was a 50 year old "gunslinger" who works security in Iraq and was only going to be here for a few more weeks. Perfect! No commitment.

Well, you know me...

He stated that he was looking for recent pictures but I noted that all of his pictures were date stamped for 2004. OF COURSE, I had to point that out in my email. Hmmm...no response.

You can send a Wink, which is a non-committal flirt. I've gotten a bunch of those but every time I wink or email back, no one responds. Does it come through their email as BOO or something? I winked back. C'mon, say something! Anything!

There is one retired guy in Florida who keeps emailing me and asking me if I have a big BUTT. "Because I'm looking for BIG BUTTS and I LOVE BIG BUTTS."

I finally responded, "Listen, freak, (okay, I said Bob, not freak) I'm not willing to drive 30 minutes to the other side of Cleveland. What makes you think I'm going to hop on a plane and fly to Florida?"

Bob's response, "Will you send me pictures of your butt, then?"

Um, no, Bob. No, I won't. Go get a job!

I'm really surprised by how many widowers and religious zealots are on here. One guy said "Jesus, God, church and/or Christian" 20 times in his profile! Maybe they're so God fearing over the guilt of killing their wives?

If anyone other than Bob ever emails me back, I'll let you know.


  1. Being kinda picky aint cha? Can the pulse be generated by a pace maker?

  2. So you won't come down to Florida? I am really hurt!

    big butt loving christian something or other need picture


  3. so you won't answer my e mails and are out looking?

    dirty job

  4. Bob likes big butts and he can not lie...........

  5. Why is Kim Kardashian in your picture? I could park a train on that caboose!

  6. I, too, have tried the "internet dating" thing... & have stories for DAYS. At least it gives you free entertainment & something to blog about. ;) Good luck!

  7. I think you should try craigslist. That should provide you with days of material, and it's free to boot! Tim

  8. heheeh and i thought youd learned not to overdose on tryptophan! :)

  9. If I was looking, I'd get Bob's contact information from you. LOL...

  10. "He stated that he was looking for recent pictures but I noted that all of his pictures were date stamped for 2004"

    Oh paaleese! He asked YOU for recent pictures of yourself, yet has pictures of HIM dated FIVE years ago?!?!?

    Sound like a winner! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    LOVE the photo of that big butt. Looks like a green fortune cookie!


  11. Oh I'd becareful about going to craiglist..Have you ever heard of the craiglist killer? There are some serious wack jobs out there. I wish you the best of luck thou. Everyone deserves to be happy.

  12. Yup it's a hit or miss with that particular site, as I am a member on there too. I always get folks that aren't not in my parameters but still think I want to chitty hat. It's always soooo annoying.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  13. dating must really suck now. Seems like in High school and college a date was supposed to be a fun thing to be anticipated and fretted over for hours or days... now two mouse clicks and some guy named Bob is staring at your ass from 1500 miles away. Hang in there Mr. Wonderful will show up at some point.

  14. Chrissy - you always crack me up!! I like your entirely new profile idea - I too almost succumbed to the post-Thanksgiving 'pay up if you want the really good choices' instead of my usual 'keeping my free line in there trolling', but I decided to wait post New Year's to make a commitment - my co-worker who is 10 years younger than me and has been dating the second girl he met on-line for 2 years now swears I have a fear of rejection - he could be right - Jack from the Yukon with 5 kids did seem like he could break my heart - I didn't want to chance it - I am fragile :)

  15. I'm about to get back into the dating scene and my luck with online dating hasn't been all that great. I do like the fact that you can scope people out before really having to get to know them. There's so many new sites out there now that it's kind of overwhelming. So, um..do you have a big butt?

  16. @Simply Suthern,
    I know. I should really lower my standards.

    @R. Jacob,
    You know I would WALK to Timbuktu for Mike Rowe.

    I couldn't get that song out of my head as I was writing this!

    Can you say, Craigslist Killer?

    Looks like hers, doesn't it?

    @Miss Sara,
    Absolutely. My friend is on eHarmony and we share stories.

    The first step is admitting you have a problem.

    @Travel Girl,
    Too funny!

    Yes! The nerve, huh?

    I know, thanks. Sure Craigslist is free but you get what you pay for.

    Are you a member, too? Hope we aren't going for the same men cuz you're younger. :-)

    @Mark Price,
    You hit the nail on the head. Sucks with a capital SU!

    I actually thought about waiting until after the holidays, too. I KNOW I have commitment issues.

    He had FIVE kids? Gee, I don't know that sounds like 5 too many to me.

    @Queen of Relationships,
    You're right, there are a ton of sites. Good luck!

    I don't really think it's that big. I'm proportionate. I just figured that if I put "a few extra pounds", they would think I was fat. I'm certainly not "slender" so "curvy" seemed the right choice.

  17. Curvy Chrissie? I'm stoked!

  18. geeze, whats wrong with a man asking for a picture....

  19. Hmmm..did I say there was something wrong with that?


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