Hi, I'm Chrissy. Can I help you?

I don't need to turn on the news to know that we're in a recession. All I have to do is open my checkbook. My personal recession started in 2006, 2 months after I purchased my first home, when I was "downsized" from a job I had been in for only a year. I had been lucky enough to land that job after losing one just one year before when they closed our local branch.

Yep, lost two jobs, two years in a row. I was out of work for almost 7 months when I finally found a job, however it paid about $8,000 less than my prior job. Needless to say, it's been a tough few years trying to dig myself out of a hole.

I've been trying to find a part time job to supplement my income but the only time that I have available to work is the weekends so there aren't many options other than retail. I've perused the local help wanted ads but they're pretty slim so I've started checking out storefronts for "Help Wanted" signs.

On my way to the bank the other day, I noticed two signs, one at McDonald's and one at a small boutique that advertises itself as a "store for lovers". Yes, that's right, they sell adult novelty items. Lingerie, sex toys, games, penis chocolates and nipple tassles. Whatever you might be looking for to spice up your love life. Or keep you in practice if you're flying solo.

At the holidays, they feature a "real couple" in some level of undress on billboards all around town. I'm sorry, I know my average looking neighbors are having sex but I don't want to see them half naked hovering over the freeway. Let's keep the fantasy alive with Barbie and Ken.

I remember when the store first opened about 20 years ago, it was relegated to the back row of a shopping strip and had a seedy looking storefront with metal grids that displayed bras and panties intertwined with feather boas as accents. At the time, they had live models walking around the store who would try on anything you asked them to.

The store wasn't downtown, as you might expect, but in a quiet suburb called Mayfield, the same name as the city that "Beav" from Leave it to Beaver lived in, only this store catered to a different kind of beaver.

I've always considered myself to be pretty open about my sexuality and it's probably because I spent most of my younger years being so repressed. I had to make up for lost time. Thank you, Mother.

Speaking of beavers...about 10 years ago, I hear about this hot new thing called the "Eager Beaver" and I bought one for all of my friends. One broke it from over use, one never took it out of the packaging and one lost it to her golden retriever who thought it was a new toy. I swear. It was the funniest thing.

But that was a long time ago. I sat in the parking wondering if I could really work in a store like that today without giggling each time a customer walked in.

I was in there a few years ago and I was approached by one of their "romance consultants". She happened to stop me as I was passing through the vibrator section. I said, I was passing through....

Anyway, she grabbed one of them off the wall and started showing it to me. The back of the packaging was cut out so you could actually feel it. "Go ahead, touch it", she said as she thrust it toward me. Okay, maybe thrust isn't the right word to use but she held it out and I touched it with my fingers. "Oh my...rubbery..." I'm not sure what response she was looking for but I don't think she was amused by me.

No, I chuckled to myself as I thought back to that day. This is not the job for me right now.

Maybe I should just practice saying, "Would you like fries with that?"